Preparing Students for Peer Review

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Theses and Dissertations

2005-03-08

Preparing Students for Peer Review Preparing Students for Peer Review

Alison Irvine McMurry

Brigham Young University - Provo

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PREPARING STUDENTS FOR PEER REVIEW

Alison Irvine McMurry

A masters’ project submitted to the faculty of

Brigham Young University

in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of

Master of Arts

Department of Linguistics and English Language

Brigham Young University

December 2004

BRIGHAM YOUNG UNIVERSITY

GRADUATE COMMITTEE APPROVAL

of a masters’ project submitted by

Alison I. McMurry

This project has been read by each member of the following graduate committee and by

majority vote has been found to be satisfactory.

________________________________ _________________________________

Date Neil J. Anderson, Chair

________________________________ _________________________________

Date C. Ray Graham

________________________________ _________________________________

Date Cynthia Hallen

BRIGHAM YOUNG UNIVERSITY

As chair of the candidate’s graduate committee, I have read the project of Alison I.

McMurry in its final form and have found that (1) its format, citations, and

bibliographical style are consistent and acceptable and fulfill university and department

style requirements; (2) its illustrative materials including figures, tables, and charts are in

place; and (3) the final manuscript is satisfactory to the graduate committee and is ready

for submission to the university library.

________________________________ _________________________________

Date Neil J. Anderson, Chair

Accepted for the Department _________________________________

Alan D. Manning

Graduate Coordinator

Accepted for the College _________________________________

Van C. Gessel

Dean, College of Humanities

ABSTRACT

PREPARING STUDENTS FOR PEER REVIEW

Alison I. McMurry

Department of Linguistics and English Language

Master of Arts

In order to enhance the effective use of peer review, I have developed materials to

assist teachers in compliance with the standards for Masters’ projects enacted by the

Department of Linguistics and English Language. Published literature shows that as peer

review grows in popularity in both L1 and L2 English writing classes, many researchers

and teachers are trying to increase its effectiveness. In some cases it is very effective,

while in others it is marginally effective. This has led researchers to ask why. The

difference between helpful and less helpful peer review seems to be in the preparation. In

studies where students were specifically and extensively prepared to do peer review, the

benefits to the students, the class, and the effect on the revision process were significant.

This indicates that peer review can be an effective tool when students are adequately

prepared for the task.

After synthesizing research, I determined that there are eight basic, useable

concepts that need to be accomplished when preparing students for peer review; they are:

1. Knowing each other

2. Knowing what to look for

3. Knowing why to give advice

4. Know how to give advice

5. Knowing how to use advice

6. Practicing peer review

7. Following up weekly

8. Reviewing at midsemester

I developed a curriculum component addressing these eight concepts that augments

theory with application, such as materials and lesson plans, and implemented and tested

them at the English Language Center at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah.

Based on feedback from the teachers involved in the pilot study, I determined that

preparing students for peer review has a positive effect on the students, their writing, and

on the class as a whole Furthermore, the most important outcome of the pilot studies was

the fact that students prefer reader response peer review activities rather than criterion

critique.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Many thanks and appreciation to

my committee, coworkers, family, and students

who provided assistance and support

in the research, writing, and implementation

of this project.

viii

TABLE OF CONTENTS

List of figures x

Introduction: Project and materials development 1

Chapter 1 Needs analysis 2

Review of published literature 3

Task analysis 17

Analysis of existing materials 26

Project purpose and rationale 27

Chapter 2 Context/Audience analysis 30

Stakeholders 30

Organizations involved 39

Implementation Environment 40

Development resources/schedule 41

Chapter 3 Project Development 42

Instructional model 42

Scope and sequence 42

Instructional methods 44

Project Development 44

Chapter 4 Implementation 46

Research questions 46

Methods 46

Setting and context 46

Participants 47

Chapter 5 Results and Findings 49

From teachers 49

From students 49

Chapter 6 Conclusions and applications 55

Lessons learned 55

Ongoing use at the ELC 56

Future changes to the project 56

Suggestions for future research 57

References 58

Appendices 61

Appendix A: Teacher Survey 61

Appendix B: Teacher Matrix 65

Appendix C: Student Matrix 66

Appendix D: Scope and Sequence 68

Appendix E: Instructional Methods 69

Appendix F: Questionnaire for Pilot Study 70

Appendix G: Permission Slips 74

Appendix H: Individual Teacher Responses 75

Appendix I: Student Questionnaire 79

Appendix J: Individual Student Responses 80

Appendix K: Email from Suzy 87

The Project: How to do peer review 88

List of Figures

Figure 1 Factors that could affect the instructional or motivational strategies. 32

Figure 2. Principles for designing in cognitive apprenticeship environments. 43

Figure 3. How nice were the peers with no preparation 51

Figure 4. How nice were the peers with two weeks of preparation 51

Figure 5. How nice were the peers after four months of use 51

Figure 6. How helpful were the peers with no preparation 51

Figure 7. How helpful were the peers with two weeks of preparation 51

Figure 8. How helpful were the peers after four months of use 51

Figure 9. How easy was it to revise with no preparation 52

Figure 10. How easy was it to revise with two weeks of preparation 52

Figure 11. How easy was it to revise after four months of use 52

Figure 12. How useful was the advice with no preparation 52

Figure 13. How useful was the advice with two weeks of preparation 52

Figure 14. How useful was the advice after four months of use 52

INTRODUCTION

Many studies have been done on the effective use of peer review in writing classes.

All these studies give valuable insight into the use of peer review, and some give helpful

advice to struggling teachers. However, these studies address different components of

peer review and sometimes give contradictory advice. Furthermore, no teacher-friendly

handbook explaining how to apply theory in the classroom has yet been published. If a

teacher is going to make use of any advice, it needs to be comprehensive, pulled together,

and easy to use. The project synthesizes the published literature, attempts to fill in the

gaps that existed, and present it in a useable way through materials development. The

materials were developed using instructional design principles. These stages of project

development will be discussed in detail in later chapters.

First, chapter 1 will describe the needs analysis, which includes a review of

published literature. Based on the published research, I flushed out a task analysis linking

theory and application. Next, chapter 2 explains the audience analysis. This step of

project development is a crucial one; a developer must address the needs and interests of

stakeholders and potential users of materials in order to produce effective materials.

Chapter 3 outlines the details of project development, including the instructional model

and instructional methods used in the materials. In this chapter, I also explain the drafting

process involved in creating the materials. Chapter 4 details the implementation and

testing of the materials at the English Language Center. We did three pilots of the

materials at intermediate proficiency levels. Chapter 5 explains the feedback each of

these pilot studies produced. Finally, chapter 6 contains the conclusions of this project.

CHAPTER 1 NEEDS ANALYSIS AND REVIEW OF THE LITERATURE

Peer review is a method used in writing classes to help the students improve their

writing by receiving advice from their peers. After a thorough review of published

literature on peer review and related topics, I have found that although there are

occasionally problems with peer review, those problems could be eliminated if the

teacher were to adequately prepare the students for doing peer review. In addition, the

benefits of peer review can be strengthened if the teacher were to adequately prepare the

students for doing peer review. It seems that preparing students for peer review is the

magic answer. Furthermore, I have found that there are six key studies that address issues

involving peer review that support the idea of preparation. They address: (1) concerns

with the roles of teacher and peer feedback in writing classes, (2) the use of peer review

at lower proficiency levels, (3) the social dimensions of peer review groups, (4) how peer

review can influence revision, (5) preparing students for doing peer review, and (6)

effective preparation. Based on these studies it seems apparent that teachers need to

understand how to prepare students for doing peer review.

Complimentary roles of teacher and peer feedback

Tsui and Ng (2000) studied the effect of peer and teacher comments on student

writing. They looked specifically at how teacher and peer comments aid revision. They

studied 27 secondary ESL students in Hong Kong that were in their pre-university year of

high school, the equivalent of U.S. 12

grade. The students wrote four essays for the

study; they wrote multiple drafts of each essay. They were placed randomly into peer

groups. Peers reviewed the first and second drafts, and the teacher reviewed the third and

fourth drafts. All peer review sessions were audio taped, and the number of revisions on

each draft was compared with the revisions on subsequent drafts. Some students were

interviewed. After the completion of the fourth essay, the students responded to a

questionnaire survey that asked for their perceptions of the usefulness of the teacher and

peer feedback.

Tsui and Ng found that peer and teacher feedback filled complimentary roles.

Both types were important and necessary because they filled different functions in the

writing process. Specifically, they found that peer review filled four roles: (1)

understanding of audience; (2) awareness raising; (3) collaborative learning; and (4)

ownership. In other words, working with peers helped them have a more realistic sense of

audience, and helped raise their awareness of their weaknesses. They helped each other

learn how to improve their writing. In addition, they grew to feel like they owned their

own writing. On the other hand, the teacher’s comments led to more revisions. Many of

the students felt that the teacher was more knowledgeable, and sometimes they did not

trust the advice from their peers. But although the students trusted the teacher’s

comments more, they recognized the benefit of peer comments, and would respond to

both types of feedback in their revisions.

ESL proficiency and peer review

Nelson and Murphy (1993) found that less proficient ESL students can perform

effective peer review, and they maintain that peer review is a valuable tool for writing

teachers at all levels. Four students participated in their study; the students were from

Taiwan, Colombia, Peru, and Chile. These four students constituted one peer group,

which was the only peer group observed in this study.

The researchers report that the students’ proficiency was measured at the

beginning of the course through a timed writing sample which was scored according to

the TWE 6 point scale. They report that three students scored 2, and one scored 3. They

maintain that these scores imply low proficiency. However, in my experience, students

from all proficiency levels usually score 2 or 3 on the TWE scale until they have been

taught how to write the way the TWE tests. This method of proving students proficiency

might not be very accurate.

The students participated in a 10 week course, where the goal was to produce one

paragraph supporting a thesis. The students were informed of US academic prose style,

and given brief directions of how to perform peer review: The teacher gave them a

handout with a list of directions for the reader and a list for the writer. The gist of this

handout was to help the reader be specific without arguing with the writer, and to help the

writer listen and not argue with the reader. Besides this handout, the teacher modeled a

good peer review session. However, the students did not role play any practice.

The student peer groups met once a week for a total of six weeks, and met for 45

minutes each session. They reviewed a total of 22 writing samples. They were videotaped

each session, which implies that at least part of the peer review feedback was verbal. The

transcripts were studied carefully. The researchers found that in 91% of the cases, the

students identified at least one problem on a macro level in each paper. In 36% of the

essays, organization was identified as a concern.

However, the study does not give specific details of what kind of interaction took

place at the peer review sessions. Were the students on task? Was criticism given and

received well? Furthermore, the study does not tell how the writers used the feedback in

the revision process, nor did they compare drafts to find the effectiveness of the peer

feedback.

Therefore, while Nelson’s and Murphy’s basic claim that peer review can be used

at all proficiency levels may be true, they may have failed to give the students sufficient

training on how to conduct effective peer review and how to use the feedback to revise.

Implications of social aspects of peer groups

In 1992, Nelson and Murphy studied the task and social aspects of L2 writing

groups. Their study was started as a result of mixed feedback from students about peer

groups. Some students liked it and others did not. In this research, the authors analyzed a

case study involving four intermediate ESL students. They were attending a university in

the United States, and were placed in proficiency level based on a placement exam that

tested listening, grammar, reading, writing, and vocabulary. The writing placement test

was a timed, in-class sample that was double rated based on the Test of Written English

(TWE) scale. The students scored 2 and 3 on this test, and were, therefore, considered

equally proficient. Two male and two female students were chosen for the study. They

were also from four different countries. However, three of the participants were from

Latin America, and one was from Taiwan, which seems like an unbalanced group.

Moreover, one participant was 32, another 38, another 26, and the last was

18.Furthermore, one had completed a Doctor of Law degree in his home country, another

had completed part of an undergraduate degree in her home country, another had only

recently finished high school, and the study does not discuss the fourth participant’s

previous education.

The researchers took care to prepare the students for working with their peer

groups. First the teacher explained some role of peer review in the writing and revising

process. Then he explained appropriate peer comments and listed appropriate comments

on the board. Then the students were given an essay and practiced writing appropriate

responses on the paper. Next the teacher gave the students a list of guidelines to use in

their discussions, which included prompts about thesis statements, cohesion, and focus.

The questions were different for each paper. Next the teacher explained Peter Elbow’s

four guidelines for peer review: never quarrel, be attentive, give specific reactions, and do

not reject automatically. In addition, the students were reminded to be positive and nice.

Finally, they were told to not correct surface errors. This seems like fairly good

preparation, but the researches do not tell how much time this took. Was it one class

period? Two weeks? We are unsure as to the duration of the training.

The researchers gathered data through taped peer review sessions, student

journals, and interviews. They found that the group was usually on task and talking about

the writing. They do not mention what kind of revisions this resulted in. However, they

found that the social dimension of the group was dangerous. The group members

assumed the roles of attacker, the mediator, the best writer, and the worst writer. The

“worst writer” usually didn’t actively participate in the discussion. The attacker did most

of the talking and offended everyone. The mediator tried to compensate for the attacker,

so she only gave positive feedback. Frequently, the attacker and the mediator fought for

control of the discussion. Nelson and Murphy felt that perhaps the students didn’t have

enough training in how to give constructive criticism. They suggest that the teacher

should be part of the group, that group membership should change periodically, and the

students should be trained in collaborative skills.

Peer review and its impact on revision

Connor and Asenavage (1994) highlight two important issues concerning the

impact of peer review on revision: (1) the types of revisions made based on peer

feedback, and (2) the impact of peer feedback compared with feedback from teachers.

These are issues which have been addressed in other studies, but with varying results. In

an attempt to clarify these issues, Connor and Asenavage undertook a study. Eight

students participated in the study. The students were enrolled in an ESL freshman writing

class at a Midwestern university based on scores on a placement test. The students were

divided into two (2) peer review groups: The groups were formed based on their

performance on a timed writing sample, cultural background, and gender. The first group

had students from Russia, Hungary, Japan, and Eritrea, while the other group had

students from Bhutan, China, and India. Both groups had both male and female members.

In all other respects, the groups were considered equal. The groups did not change during

the semester.

At the beginning of the semester, the students were prepared for peer review in

three ways. First, the instructor modeled collaborative response. Then the students did

role play in class within their groups. Finally, the students were given a peer review

checklist to complete during their sessions for the first four essays. In general, the

instructor encouraged the students to be helpful, and to not focus on surface errors.

The students wrote six (6) essays during the semester, and did peer review for

each of them. As previously mentioned, the teacher supplied peer review guidelines for

them for the first four essays; those guidelines were not included in the study. The

students were expected to come up with their own guidelines for the later essays, and no

information is given as to what those guidelines were. It is implied that the teacher did

not follow up with the peer review at this point.

The study only focused on peer review during the fifth essay; each group held

three peer review sessions. These sessions were videotaped and copies of multiple drafts

of the essays were collected and types of revisions were coded. The first session was a

prewriting and brainstorming session which lasted one hour. Then the students wrote first

drafts. The second session was one hour long, and the students read essays and gave

advice. Then they wrote second drafts. The third session was 20 minutes long, and the

students again read essays and gave advice. As far as can be determined, the students did

not have peer review checklists to use during these sessions. It is unclear why the length

of time varied for the sessions.

The drafts were analyzed and types of revisions were coded. Then the revisions

were grouped as either revisions made to surface errors or to global concerns. Finally, the

researchers compared the revisions to the videotaped peer review sessions and the

teacher’s comments, which were written on the essays, to determine the source that

motivated the revisions.

On the second draft, the first group made 81 total revisions. 68% of the revisions

were for surface errors and 32% were for global concerns. 4% of the revisions resulted

directly from peer review comments and 96% from self or others. The second group

made 78 total revisions. 38% were for surface errors, and 62% were for global concerns.

12% were the result of peer review feedback and 88% from self or others.

On the third draft, the first group made 122 total revisions. 52% of the revisions

were for surface errors and 48% were for global concerns. 6% of the revisions resulted

directly from peer review comments, 37% were from the teacher’s comments, and 57%

from self or others. The second group made 232 total revisions. 57% were for surface

errors, and 43% were for global concerns. 1% of the revisions were the result of peer

review feedback, 35% from the teacher’s comments, and 64% from self or others.

Within these groups, the students who made the fewest total revisions also made

the most surface level revisions and the most teacher suggested revisions. Students who

made the most revisions had the fewest teacher suggested revisions and the most

self/other revisions.

Based on these findings, Connor and Asenavage recommend the following:

1. Clarify the difference between global revisions and surface level

revisions, and emphasize their importance at different stages of the

writing process.

2. Do more extensive and specific training at the beginning of the

semester.

3. Do follow-up as needed during the semester.

4. Peer review might be more useful if the comments are text-based,

meaning that the students should each have a copy of the others’ essays,

read them, and write comments on them.

5. Group composition is important because students need to have

connections and feel comfortable

6. Do not assume the students’ groups are working. Check up on the

groups and keep them on task.

These findings suggest that peer review may not be helpful for revision. However,

the study leaves many questions unanswered. It may be important to know what kinds of

comments were made by the students. The length of time spent at the peer review

conferences is noted, but how much of that time was spent on task? Perhaps the students,

like many unsupervised students, spent little time doing productive work, and therefore

they may not have gotten any useful comments. Finally, the study does not discuss

training the students how to use peer review comments to drive revision. Many students

do not know how to revise; even if they got good feedback, perhaps they did not know

how to use it in their revisions.

Preparing students for peer review

Stanley (1992) found that students who were prepared specifically and

extensively performed better in peer review, and it resulted in better writing. In this

study, two classes were prepared for peer review.

The first class was prepared for seven total hours at the beginning of the semester.

They were told how drafting and revising plays into the writing process, how to identify

problems in meaning and structure, and how to give and receive criticism. The instructor

implemented group work and role-playing into the preparation exercises. As a class, the

students defined appropriate peer review techniques.

First, in learning about essay writing, the students looked at some models and

followed student writers through the writing process; they looked at multiple drafts of

one essay and identified the revisions. They learned that essays (drafts) are works in

progress. Second, the students were asked to comment on each draft. They were

encouraged to read and evaluate critically; they were not supposed to supply meaning,

but only identify gaps in meaning. Third, after commenting on an early draft, they looked

at the next draft and tried to identify the changes that the writer had made to the content.

Next, the students were taught how to properly communicate their opinions about

an essay. First, they were taught how to identify strengths and shortcomings of an essay.

Second, as a class, they decided how they should communicate those to the author. Once

they learned how to say things nicely, they learned about how drafting plays into the

writing process. The teacher instructed them that the first draft is read for content, while

the second draft is read for structure, and so forth. Next, the students practiced the peer

review process through role paying.

After the role playing, the class decided that more specific and shorter the

comment, the better. They felt that confirmation checks by the writer were good. They

also found that a noncommittal “this is fine” was an inappropriate comment and showed

disinterest in helping each other learn. Finally, they were encouraged to trust each other

and ask for group’s help.

The second class was prepared for a total of one hour at the beginning of the

semester. They observed two teachers modeling peer review, and then participated in a

teacher-initiated discussion of the importance of peer review. They were supplied

checklists to use for peer review. The students were then observed in peer review through

out the semester. Peer evaluation sessions and drafts were evaluated.

The students wrote and evaluated six essays, including multiple drafts of all the

essays. Peer review sessions for all drafts of all essays were audio taped. Some sessions

were also videotaped and coded. The sessions were approximately 40 minutes long.

Stanley (1992) found that the coaching produced more talking in the peer review

sessions: the coached group made 623 total comments while the uncoached group made a

total of 137. Furthermore, the comments in the coached group were more text specific. In

addition, the students were less reluctant to participate in peer review.

Stanley (1992) also analyzed the effect of the peer review comments in revision

by comparing student drafts with peer review comments. Again, the coached group had a

significantly higher number of revisions based on the peer review, with a total of 68 peer

review based revisions. The uncoached group had a total of 16 peer review based

revisions.

The result of Stanley’s research (1992) suggests that students who received more

and better preparation were able to evaluate more critically, both global and surface

errors. Peer review was more detailed and resulted in higher quality revisions in the

better-prepared group. They were more concrete, more specific, and gave better advice

on how to improve. In addition, the writers in the prepared group were generally more

assertive and confident when getting advice from peers. They found that students

benefited from being prepared, not only in their drafting and evaluations, but also in the

social context of a peer group. The less prepared group had greater problems with social

interaction within peer groups, lacked the tact and appropriateness of the prepared group,

and overall didn’t know the rules of effective group interaction. Moreover, those who

were more prepared were better at critical thinking and writing skills, i.e. evaluating

quality of ideas, measure soundness and coherence of argument. The coaching seems to

help the students understand how to perform peer review and how to use the comments in

their revisions.

Effective training for peer review

In her research, Berg (1999b) studied 46 students to see how training them for

peer review would affect their writing. They were separated into two groups; 24 students

were in the trained group, and 22 were in the untrained group. The trained students

received detailed instruction and practice on how to respond to student writing, how to

focus a discussion, and how to make meaning based changes in their writing. Both groups

were taught about academic writing, the writing process, and rhetorical structure. The

untrained group did not receive any instruction on peer review.

The first and second drafts of the students were collected and the revisions were

compared. Revisions were coded and analyzed. Berg (1999) found that the students in the

trained group made more meaning based changes in their essays than the untrained group.

This strongly suggests that if students are adequately prepared for peer review, they will

perform better in their own revising than those who are not.

Benefits of peer review

Based on these eight studies, it seems that peer review can be useful. However, a

little more information is needed about the effect peer review has on the writing, or in

other words, the quality of the text. More information is also needed about the effect peer

review has on the students themselves.

The effect of peer review on writing

Peer review can result in positive effects on the quality of student writing. Some

have suggested that peer review can lead to an improved sense of audience and writing

for communication (Ferris, 2003; Hedgecock and Lefkowitz, 1992; Lockhart and Ng,

1993; Paulus, 1999; Reid, 1993; Stanley, 1992; Tang and Tithecott, 1999; Tsui and Ng,

2000). Peer review may also lead to increased fluency, better focus and idea

development, and can address issues of meaning and content (Caulk, 1994; Ferris, 2003;

Paulus, 1999; Reid, 1993; Stanley, 1992). Surprisingly, some researchers suggest that

reading essays written by peers may help the student writers more than the peer feedback

itself, because it increases awareness of their own weaknesses in writing (Tang and

Tithecott, 1999; Tsui and Ng, 2000; Ferris, 2003). In addition, in some cases, effective

peer review results in higher quality revisions (Paulus, 1999; Stanley, 1992; tang and

Tithecott, 1999; Tsui and Ng, 2001).

The effect of peer review on the students

Furthermore, peer review can result in positive effects in the students themselves.

It builds interpersonal skills, such as meaning negotiation, cooperation, and teamwork

(Ferris, 2003; Reid, 1993; Stanley, 1992; Tsui and Ng, 2001). Moreover, peer review can

help students become better at critical thinking and writing skills, such as evaluating

quality of ideas, and measuring soundness and coherence of an argument (Stanley, 1992;

Tang and Tithecott, 1999; Tsui and Ng, 2000). It helps students become more

autonomous because they gain a sense of ownership and independence about their writing

(Ferris, 2003; Lockhart and Ng, 1993; Stanley, 1992; Tsui and Ng, 2000). It can lead to

reduced writing anxiety (Ferris, 2003; Koba, Ogawa, and Wilkinson, 2000; Lockhart and

Ng, 1993; Stanley, 1992; Tsui and Ng, 2000). This leads to increased student confidence

(Ferris, 2003; Stanley, 1992).

Problems with peer review

In spite of the benefits, peer review has some critics and potential problems, as

seen in the previous cases. In those instances where peer review was not helpful, Stanley

(1992) suggests that students were unsure of the purpose of peer review and their role in

the peer review group. Often the students gave unfocused and unhelpful comments (Tsiu

and Ng, 2000; Stanley, 1992). Other studies found that students were not very critical of

student writing (Stanley, 1992; Ferris, 2003), but that they addressed mostly surface

errors or grammar not global issues of meaning (Leki, 1990; Stanley, 1992). But most

importantly, they sometimes give advice that does not lead to revision (Leki, 1990).

Stanley (1992) found that one cause of this may be because the students are hesitant to

ask for clarification of comments. Often students are unsure if their peer’s comments are

valid and distrust the opinions of peers (Ferris, 2003; Leki, 1990; Nelson and Carter,

1998; Nelson and Murphy, 1993; Zhang, 1995). Finally, in some cases, researchers found

that students do not regard their peers as a real audience (Ferris, 2003; Stanley, 1992).

Can preparation improve the quality of peer review?

The research seems to overwhelmingly suggest that the negative effects can be

diminished, and the positive effects enhanced through adequately preparing students for

peer review. Many suggest that preparing students can improve the quality of peer review

and increase the positive effects (Berg, 1999a; Berg, 1999b; Connor and Asenavage,

1994; Ferris, 2003; Gousseva, 1998; Nelson and Murphy, 1993; Paulus, 1999; Stanley,

1992; Tsui and Ng, 2000; Villamil and de Guerrerso, 1996)

What kind of preparation?

Students who are prepared specifically and extensively performed better in peer

review and it resulted in better writing. This means students are prepared specifically for

certain tasks, such as how to identify problems in meaning and structure, how drafting

and revising plays into the writing process, and how to give and receive criticism. It also

means they are prepared through specific effective methods, such as group work, role-

playing, and student participation in defining appropriate peer review techniques (Connor

and Asenavage, 1994; Stanley, 1992; Tsui and Ng, 2000; Venia, 1987). It also means

they are prepared extensively, or for an extended amount of time, such as several hours,

over an extended period of time, such as several weeks (Connor and Asenavage, 1994;

Stanley, 1992; Tsui and Ng, 2000).

Perspectives on how: specific and extensive.

Nelson and Murphy (1993) give three suggestions for peer review preparation: 1.

learn appropriate social skills needed for peer review; 2. prepare how to respond to

other’s papers; and 3. teach writing skills as a conceptual foundation on which they can

discuss the writing.

Berg (1999b) maintains that in order for peer review to be effective, the students

must be well prepared. She has developed an eleven point preparation program for peer

review. She based this program on literature, and tested it in her own research. The

course takes approximately seven days at the beginning of the semester. The goals of her

program are to first convince students that peer review is important and helpful, second,

to get students used to working in groups, third, to focus them on aspects of writing, and

fourth, to teach appropriate ways of responding to writing. The eleven points to the

preparation program are:

1. Create a comfortable classroom atmosphere that promotes trust among

students through get-to-know-you activities

2. Establish the role of peer response in the writing process by explaining the

benefits to the students

3. Highlight the common purpose of peer response among professional and

student writers

4. Demonstrate and personalize the peer response experience by showing drafts

of something written by the teacher that has been reviewed by a peer

5. Practice peer response with the whole class

6. Address issues of appropriate vocabulary and expressions

7. Familiarize students with the peer response sheet

8. Involve students in a response to a collaborative writing project

9. Allow time for questions and expressions of concern

10. Provide revision guidelines that focus the students on strategies such as

reorganization of paragraphs, deleting or adding ideas, and modifying thesis

statements

11. Study good and bad examples of peer responses and predict what types of

revision they might result in. (Berg, 1999b, p. 21-25)

Berg recommends extensive use of group and pair work, role-playing, and allaying

student concerns throughout the preparation. It is also especially appropriate for the

teacher to establish the role of peer reviewing in professional writing. If a teacher can

show the role of peer review in the larger world of academia, students from any culture

would be more receptive to the activity.

Liu and Hansen (2002) add one more step to Berg’s. They suggest that students

should be taught how to respond to peer reviewer by asking clarification questions.

Connor and Asenavage (1994) recommend that teachers:

1. Make the difference between global and surface revisions more clear.

2. Have extensive and specific preparation, more than just modeling, with follow-up.

3. Have students make copies of their drafts for each group member.

4. Read the drafts outside of class.

5. Discuss the drafts in class.

Task analysis

The different perspectives discussed previously were analyzed and synthesized.

These perspectives boil down to eight basic tenets that a teacher must address in order to

produce effective peer review. These eight steps are:

9. Knowing each other

10. Knowing what to look for

11. Knowing why to give advice

12. Know how to give advice

13. Knowing how to use advice

14. Practicing peer review

15. Following up weekly

16. Reviewing at midsemester

Step One: Knowing Each Other

Forming Peer Groups

Students respond better to peer review, if they work with people they trust. The

best way to build trust is to become a united group. Therefore, the research indicates that

it would be wise to place students into semi-permanent peer review groups. However,

“forming groups is not stress free. Multiple tensions exist between individual autonomy

and fusion with the group…A group needs to be able to establish patterns that it feels

comfortable with, and this pattern needs to be visible” (Liu and Hansen, 2002, p. 66-69).

Therefore, the teacher needs to take care to form effective and comfortable groups.

Group Composition

Although it is often overlooked, researchers are beginning to look into the social

aspects of group work and how it affects the class. There are both positive and negative

aspects that must be considered (Connor and Asenavage, 1994). Liu and Hansen say that

considering skill level, gender, background language are not enough. A teacher needs to

consider social aspects, like how well they respond to each other and get along. (Liu and

Hansen, 2002). I believe that students should be consulted for their opinions, but that the

teacher should ultimately form the groups, taking care to not put people together who do

not get along!

Teamwork Building

Once the students are placed in good groups, it is important to “create a

comfortable classroom atmosphere that promotes trust among students by conducting a

number of in- and out-of-class, get-to-know-you activities. My own experience has

shown that the better students get to know each other, the more comfortable they will feel

working together” (Berg, 1999a, p. 21). This is because even the best intentioned group

might not be a team at first. They need to work to build unity and trust within their group

because “…an unsupportive social climate…can lead to defensiveness or withdrawal”

(Nelson and Murphy, 1992, p. 188). They continue by saying that students need to

“establish trust and commitment, to develop collaborative skills for critiquing drafts in a

way that is not negative, and to learn needed social and listening skills” (Nelson and

Murphy, 1992, p. 188-189). Therefore, conducting teamwork building activities as Berg

(1999a) suggests is critical to achieving effective peer review in the long run.

Length of time with group

Connor and Asenavage (1994) advise that teachers should monitor groups

throughout the semester. They should watch for the time when the group starts to break

down. Furthermore, Nelson and Murphy state that “…shift[ing] group membership

periodically to mix the composition of groups” is helpful. “Shifting group membership

may discourage the development of negative roles in one group because individuals will

be working with…a variety of classmates over time” (1992, p. 188-189). In their study,

students who originally got along, grew antagonistic over time. The group members

assumed roles. One was the attacker, one was the mediator, one was the best and one was

the worst writer. In time, every peer review discussion was bitter and the students

disliked it. They did say, however, that peer review was ok when the attacker was absent.

So they suggest that the teacher monitor the group interaction and change groups

occasionally, but not too frequently.

Step Two: Knowing What to look for

Flynn (1982) says that students abilities to evaluate critically and well would

improve if they were taught the rhetorical structures and genres used in essays. Stanley

(1992) adds that “students who received coaching [looked] at each other’s writing more

closely and [offered] the writers more specific guidelines for revision” (p. 91). Therefore,

teachers need to teach rhetorical structure, including thesis statement, topic sentences,

and details. The students should work with examples to become familiar with the genres.

Step Three: Knowing why to give advice

It’s part of writing process

Berg (1999a) encourages teachers to “establish the role of peer response in the

writing process and explain the benefits of having peers, as opposed to just teachers,

respond to students’ writing” (p. 21). The writing process includes revising, and input

from many different sources helps a writer to better revise. Although students tend to

focus more on teacher feedback because of the grading issues, teachers are only one

source of feedback, and students should consider other sources and other audiences

(Paulus 1999). Therefore, it is beneficial to get input from people who are a more

authentic audience. Peer review is important to the writing process.

Review helps revising, which is distinctly different from editing

The writing process includes two similar steps that are often confused. Revising

and editing are two very different parts of the process. Raimes (1998) says that “editing

needs to be seen as distinct from revising” (p. 154), and Connor and Asenavage (1994)

say that “the concepts of revision at text-based and surface levels should be clarified in

both the teacher’s and the students’ minds” (p. 267). Revising involves changing the

content and organization of an essay, while editing involves changing the grammar,

spelling, and punctuation of an essay. Once this is made clear, it become easier for

students to do good peer review because they recognize that they are helping with

revising not editing! They do not have to be proficient in grammar or prefect in spelling;

they only have to be able to help clarify the meaning and organization of an essay. Berg

(1999a) reminds teachers that the important areas of writing that peers need to respond to

are issues of meaning and organization. She says, “peer response does not concern

grammar and spelling as much as it does organization and whether the writer has

explained his or her ideas in a way that is easy and clear for others to understand” (p. 21).

Step Four: Know how to give advice

What to say

Berg (1999a) recommends giving students guidelines, or rules, for responding to a

peer’s work, such as “be considerate of your classmate’s feelings” (p. 22). These rules

could include telling the students to be nice, be honest, give positive feedback, give

specific, polite suggestions for improvement, and help the writer see what and how to

improve. Berg (1999a) also suggests “address[ing] issues of [appropriate] vocabulary

and expressions by comparing inappropriate comments with appropriate ones” (p. 21).

For example, an inappropriate comment might be, “this is stupid and wrong!” while an

appropriate comment might be, “this paragraph has great details, and you should add a

topic sentence to help your reader understand it better.”

Using rubrics

Rubrics here means any guided response outlined by the teacher. There are many

different and effective ways to respond to student writing. Whatever method the teacher

chooses to have students do, he or she needs to “familiarize the students with the

response sheet by showing samples and explaining its purpose as a tool designed to help

them focus on important areas of the writing assignment” (Berg , 1999a, p. 21).

Elbow and Belanoff (2000) give 11 different activities that can be used to respond

to student writing. One of these activities is the criterion based response that teachers are

so familiar with where students are given a paper with topics and a ranking scale to

critique another’s essay. That is only one way to respond to writing; there are at least ten

other ways! Elbow and Belanoff give these ten:

1. Listening with no response

2. Pointing out passages of interest or finding the “center of gravity”

3. Summarizing what you heard

4. Asking questions about areas where you want more information

5. Giving a personal response to the topic

6. Describing the voice heard in the paper

7. Retelling the essay

8. Describing the essay as a metaphor

9. Either believing or doubting everything

10. writing a descriptive outline of the essay.

These eleven activities are all good activities, but they are designed to be used on

different genres of writing and at different stages of the writing process. A teacher should

give careful thought to choosing an activity that best fits the essay and purpose of the

peer review.

Step Five: Knowing how to use advice

Chenoweth (1987) says that unskilled ESL writers see need to be taught how to

focus on revising global issues of their writing. He also suggests that unskilled ESL

writers should be taught rewriting skills. Paulus (1999) found that students often use their

classmates’ advice to make meaning-level (global) changes to their writing. This idea

supports the fact that peer review should focus on helping writers revise not edit. Berg

(1999a) adds that teachers need to “provide revision guidelines by highlighting good

revision strategies” (p. 21), such as reorganizing, deleting, adding, and modifying. She

adds further that teachers should “emphasize the importance of [revising] to clarify the

meaning of the text before focusing on sentence (surface) level revisions, such as

correcting grammar, punctuation, or spelling, because entire sentences might be replaced

in the revision process” (p. 24). If students understand that peer review aids revision, give

advice focused on revision, and are taught how to use that advice when they revise, peer

review will be effective! Moreover, Berg (1999b) found that “trained students [make]

more meaning revisions that untrained students” (p. 229). Therefore, it is important for

teachers to teach this process to their students.

Revision strategy

In an effort to help my students understand and remember how to revise, I made

up a strategy: “Revising makes me mad!” Student can remember this saying because

revising really does make them mad and very frustrated, at least until they understand

how to do it. Mad stands for the three things a writer must consider when revising: move,

add, and delete. I teach my students that a writer often has to move things, usually to help

improve the organization of an essay. A writer also adds things to an essay, usually to

improve the details. A writer must also be willing to delete things, especially if items are

not on topic or are confusing. This trick works very well. I have been teaching it for a few

semesters with very good results.

Step Six: Practice

After all of the preceding instruction, students should be guided through a

protected practice of real peer review. Berg (1999a) suggests “involve[ing] students in a

response…by having them use [a rubric] to respond to” another student’s work. Then,

“based on the responses, have the [students] revise their original” work (p. 21). This is

the first attempt at peer review and revision, and it might not work perfectly. Based on

the performance of the students on both the peer review and revision, the teacher can

reteach as needed.

Step 7 Weekly follow up

In some of the studies previously discussed, researchers found that training at the

beginning of the semester wasn’t enough. Connor and Asenavage (1994) decided that

“although peer response is modeled early in the semester and practiced throughout, more

extensive and specific peer response training with follow up should be implemented” (p.

267). Students forget or get lazy, so sometimes they need a reminder. The follow up

could be very simple, like reviewing the rules of how to give advice, or how to revise. I

have found that it works well to review why peer review is important, how to give advice,

and how to use advice each time I do peer review in class, especially if I am using

different rubrics or activities.

Step 8 Midsemester review

With each group change, the new groups will need to renegotiate how to do peer

review. The teacher should have the new groups talk about appropriate and inappropriate

responses.

Analysis of existing materials

There are no programs or textbooks or websites that already have a training

program. Many researchers are saying it should be done, and giving general advice on

what to train for, but I have found no existing programs.

Berg’s article, Preparing ESL students for peer response, published in the summer

1999 TESOL Journal, is the closest thing I have found to what the research indicates is

needed. However, it is a brief article giving an overview for preparing students for peer

review. It lacks materials, essays, rubrics, and lesson plans, but does give a very good

foundation for further research and development.

Peer response in second language writing classrooms by Jun Liu and Jette G.

Hansen, published by The University of Michigan Press in 2002, is perhaps the second

best thing published so far. Liu and Hansen’s book is a teacher development textbook

that would be used in a TESOL MA course. It is not for use in an ESL classroom. It

focuses on theory and research. It is a review of literature. Again, it gives a good

foundation for further development, but it lacks the specific materials, lesson plans, or

activities that teachers might need for classroom use.

This project is superior to these materials in a few ways. First, these materials

provide a way to put theory into practice: useable materials, lessons, and evaluation

mechanisms that can be used in a class setting. Secondly, this textbook also supplies

sample essays and peer review rubrics that can be used to model and practice peer

review. Thirdly, because teachers are often very busy, the information and materials are

presented in a way that is easy to use and is also adaptable. Teachers can benefit by

seeing examples of how theory can be applicable to classroom teaching and by having

example essays, rubrics, and tools available for use.

Project purpose and rationale

The purpose of this project is to give ESL writing teachers information, materials,

and help they need to prepare their students to perform effective peer review in their

writing classes.

Problem Definition

As peer review grows in popularity in both L1 and L2 writing classes, many

researchers and teachers are trying to increase its effectiveness. In research, the difference

between helpful and less helpful peer review seems to be in the training. In studies where

students were specifically and extensively trained to do peer review, the benefits to the

students, the class, and the effect on the revision process were significant. This indicates

that peer review can be an effective tool when students are adequately prepared for the

task. I am creating a curriculum that teachers can use to train writing students how to do

good peer review.

I became aware of this problem and the need for improvement in part because I

am a writing teacher. Because of experiences in my classes, I was looking for ways to

improve peer review. Students are often reluctant to criticize each other. They always

say, “this is good,” and give little advice. In addition, I talked with my skill area

supervisor at the ELC, Mark Wolfersberger (2003a), and he gave me some things to read.

I found research that suggested training students to do peer review. In studies that

“proved” peer review wasn’t beneficial, little to no training had been done. Mark and I

discussed the issue, and decided that we needed more research and, eventually, a training

program for teachers to use in their classes at the ELC.

Rationale

Peer review has many benefits. Studies have shown that peer review can increase

learner autonomy, critical reading and writing skills, camaraderie, and communication

skills, to name a few. If teachers can understand how to train the students to do peer

review effectively, I think there would be benefits to the overall curriculum, to the

classes, and to the individual students.

I think Mark has another objective, namely curriculum uniformity. Many teachers

do not use peer review, and Mark (and I) think it is an important part of writing class.

Until recently, the ELC had no uniform curriculum. Teachers could teach or do whatever

they wanted. A year or two ago, the executive board realized this was creating an

imbalance. Students at the same level were getting very different instruction. So now the

executive board is trying to standardize everything—curriculum, testing, materials,

everything. In the writing classes, Mark would like to standardize as much as possible,

the writing topics, grading, and even the types of feedback.

The product I have created includes materials that could be used by writing

teachers at any school and with any proficiency level. It is a teacher’s resource book

explaining how to prepare students for peer review: what, how, why, and materials.

The overall goal for the program would be to train students to do effective peer

review. By effective I mean one that affects meaningful revision of a student’s essay.

This kind of peer review would need to be socially, culturally, and pragmatically

appropriate. In order to meet this objective, the students would need to be trained in a few

areas: social skills, writing skills, and language skills.

Objectives

Peer review curriculum objectives are:

 Creating a comfortable classroom environment. Students must feel safe before

they can learn.

 Increasing learner autonomy. What a wonderful concept—a student being

responsible for himself.

 Building social skills, especially between culture groups.

 Teaching language skills, such as vocabulary and dialoguing, appropriate and

necessary for peer evaluation.

 Build critical reading and writing skills. Student must be able to identify

strengths and weaknesses in the structure and meaning of what they read.

They must be able to write for a specific purpose, to a specific audience,

follow rules of organization, and communicate clearly.

CHAPTER 2 CONTEXT AND AUDIENCE ANALYSIS

A project developer needs to consider the context and audience for which the

project is being developed. These factors help shape the methods used, scope and

sequence, and the medium of the project.

Stakeholders

In developing curriculum and materials, developers need to consider which

factors could affect the instructional or motivational strategies that would be employed,

the delivery media used, the goals or content of the instruction, and the management

strategies employed. Figure 1 shows a list of learning factors, bio/cultural factors,

motivational factors, and background and prior learning factors to be considered

(Christensen, 2003). Furthermore, key stakeholders should be analyzed to determine the

best methods to use for their needs and interests. For this project, three major groups of

stakeholders were identified: administrators, teachers, and students.

Administration

When I first began to notice the gap between expected results and real results

from peer review, I talked with Mark Wolfersberger (2003b), who was the Writing

Coordinator at the English Language Center (ELC) at that time. He had also noticed this

problem in his classes. We mutually agreed that it was a problem, but neither of us had a

solution to the problem. He said he felt that more information on the subject was

necessary and would be helpful to us and to other teachers at the ELC. Based on this

interview with Mark, I felt that the needs of the administration would be relatively easy to

satisfy.

Teachers

Teachers are really the major stakeholders in this project. If my project is to get

off the ground, it must suit the needs, teaching style, and time restrictions of most of the

teachers.

Survey of writing teachers at ELC

My first method of determining the influence and needs of the teachers was

surveying the writing teachers at the ELC.

Survey development. The survey was designed as part of the curriculum in IP&T

564 which I took Spring term 2003. In designing the survey, I got feedback from Mark

Wolfersberger, Writing Coordinator at the ELC, and Dr. Allen and Dr. Christensen in the

IP&T department (Appendix A).

I designed the survey to gather feedback from teachers who use peer review and

teachers who do not. I attempted to find out what motivated the teachers in their

decisions, their perceptions of the students’ ability and participation, and how well

materials like mine would be received.

Survey results. Many teachers use peer evaluation. At the English Language

Center (ELC), 20 writing teachers were surveyed about their use of peer evaluation, and

19 use it regularly in their classes. They think that peer evaluation of student writing is

moderately to extremely useful and highly beneficial in a number of areas. However,

many of the teachers are not fully satisfied with the use of peer evaluation. Many teachers

use it, but feel that it is not as effective as it could be.

Learning Factors

• Learning styles

• Multiple

Intelligence

profile

• Level of

cognitive

development

• Aptitudes

Bio/Cultural

Factors

• Ethnicity

• Age

• Gender

• Beliefs

• Health

• Socio-economic

background

• Peer

relationships

Motivational

Factors

• Interests

• Likes

• Dislikes

• Hobbies

• Expectations

• Role Models

Background &

Prior Learning

Factors

• Entry skills

• Educational

background

• General world

knowledge

• Prior

experiences with

content

• Reading Level

• Language

fluency

Figure 1: Factors that could affect the instructional or motivational strategies

(Christensen, 2003).

Research suggests that training is very important to the effectiveness and success

of peer evaluation. The teachers at the ELC seem to know this; all of them indicated that

the amount and type of training can influence the effectiveness of peer evaluation, and

78% reported spending several days training their students to do peer evaluation.

However, only 31% feel that students are willing and able to perform. It seems that the

teachers recognize that training is important, but do not quite know what and how to

train. When asked about peer evaluation training in the classroom, one teacher said, “I am

having a hard time with this!”

In the time they spend training, most of the teachers, 89%, explain what to look

for in an essay. However, only 68% model how to use a rubric, and only 57% model a

good peer evaluation. No one reported having students practice or role play.

Approximately 75% explain the need for peer evaluation and writing structure. Only 26%

teach vocabulary and communication skills specific to peer evaluation tasks. Many

teachers use peer evaluation, several even spend time training students how to do it, but

few are satisfied.

It seems that, in spite of training, students are still not willing or able to

participate; 63% of the teachers reported a high level of student reluctance to participate.

There are many reasons students are reluctant. They are sometimes shy, their cultural

backgrounds discourage criticism of others, or they think evaluation is the teacher’s job.

But the two main reasons that students are reluctant involve language skills. 100% of the

teachers feel that students are reluctant because of insecurities about their English

language and grammar skills, and 73% feel that students lack vocabulary and/or

communication strategies necessary for peer evaluation tasks. If language skills are the

most difficult, why is it the least of things being taught in training?

Only one teacher of those surveyed does not use peer evaluation. This teacher

said, “I haven’t done it yet because the training to get me ready for [it] is taking way,

way, way too much time. I do not want to do it if it isn’t done right!” Another teacher,

when asked about peer evaluation training materials for the teachers, said, “This is

necessary, I think!” Furthermore, 100% of the teachers reported that they want or need

more information and materials about peer evaluation training. Mark Wolfersberger,

Writing Skill Area Supervisor at the ELC, said, “I think if you provide the teachers with

quality information, they can make an informed decision about what, how, and how much

time to spend on training.” Most teachers indicated that a book o some sort would be the

best delivery medium.

I think the one person who reported not using peer review takes it more seriously

that many of the teachers who use it. He or she said it is important, takes a lot of teacher

preparation, and should be done right. I think that is true. Many teachers use it, but do not

take it seriously. Some teachers take it seriously, but do not know what to do to make it

effective. They sometimes even train their students, but I still do not get the feeling that it

is as effective as it could be or taken very seriously.

Diversity modeling matrix

For a second method of determining the needs of the teachers, I used a design tool

called diversity modeling (Pulsinelli and Roubie, 2001). They suggest making a cast of

characters who would be using the end product. This helps the developer create audience

awareness for herself. In this model, the instructional designer creates prototypical users,

gives them a name, and outlines the characteristics, needs, and trouble spots for each

character. They caution, however, that a designer should not be overly stereotypical, but

try to make the cast believable and lifelike. The benefit is that the designer can refer back

to these characters as he or she designs the materials (Appendix B).

Character profiles. I created three teacher characters. I based these three characters

from my observations and interactions with my coworkers at the ELC.

Mr. John is a first time teacher at the ELC. He completed student teaching

last semester. He is nervous about pleasing his supervisors, is unsure of

how to teach writing, and has few materials and little experience to draw

from. He depends on his supervisors and his mentor teachers for all his

information. He is usually willing to put in time to build his resources.

Mrs. Miller has been teaching at the ELC for several semesters. She

completed the TESOL certificate at BYU, and has been teaching part time

at the ELC ever since. She uses newer teaching methods, such as

cognitivism. She has materials, experience, and coworkers she trusts and

uses to inform her management and planning. She is open to new ideas, as long as she

sees benefit to them and they won’t take too much preparation time.

Ms. Farr has dozens of years of teaching experience. She is a little more

set in her ways than Mrs. Miller and Mr. John. She believes the old ways

are best and sees no point in changing her methods, no matter what new

research might say. Her ideas are a little dated, but effective in some situations. She is not

open to new ideas unless she is forced to be, in which case she complains a lot.

Matrix results. The data suggests that I should design for Mr. John and Mrs.

Miller. They are the ones who need and would use information. I should include enough

information and materials for Mr. John, who needs the structure, but with enough

flexibility for Mrs. Miller, who will most likely adapt anything to fit her schedule and her

wants. In the testing phase of the design process, I should let Mr. John and Mrs. Miller

have the opportunity to volunteer to participate. They will probably be interested and

willing to give it a try. After successful testing, maybe Ms. Farr might try it.

Students

Students are the second most important group of stakeholders. I must find their

needs and be able to address them through the curriculum and materials.

Diversity modeling matrix

I also used diversity modeling (Pulsinelli and Roubie, 2001) to assess the

students’ needs (Appendix C). Again, this method helps the developer create audience

awareness for herself.

Character profiles. I created three student characters. I based these three

characters from my observations and interactions with my students at the ELC. These

students are based on personality traits and not necessarily any particular country or

culture group. For example, in this profile, Yohei is a Japanese student, but he represents

students from all countries who have similar personality traits and study habits. The same

is true of Martina and Otgo.

Yohei is a student who studies hard, but struggles to improve as quickly

as he wants. Writing essays is completely new to him; in his country,

he never had to write academic essays. Also, in his culture, giving

criticism of any kind is inappropriate. He needs to learn that in U.S.

academic culture, group work is common, and being able to give kind, constructive

advice is important.

Martina is a student who studies hard and is often frustrated by other

students who goof off or won’t participate in class. She has completed

some higher education in her country and has written many critical,

academic essays. She is accustomed to giving blunt, unequivocal

advice. She needs to learn how to give advice in a kind way, being aware that other

cultures do things differently from hers.

Otgonbayaar “Otgo” is a student who studies haphazardly.

Sometimes he is on time, but usually he is behind on his homework. He

wants to learn English, and is somewhat intrinsically motivated, but

likes to play and have fun. He is slow to progress, but is a fun student

to have in class. He likes to talk and tell jokes. Often he is off track and taking the rest of

the class with him. He has written a few academic essays before, but needs to review. He

is happy to give advice, but often does so halfheartedly. He needs to learn how to give

helpful advice.

Matrix results. It seems like all three types of students could benefit from this

project. The findings suggest going ahead with the project.

Writing teachers perceptions of students’ ability & potential participation in peer review

As previously mentioned, I surveyed the ELC writing teachers (Appendix A). I

designed part of the survey to find out the teachers’ perceptions of the students’ ability

and participation in peer review.

Survey results. The teachers’ results were interesting. The one teacher who does

not use peer review in class avoids it because students do not give good advice and it

causes fights between students. It seems that this teacher has probably had negative

experiences with peer review in the past.

The teachers who do use it generally agree that students have problems with it.

When asked if they feel that students are confused about the purpose of peer review, 5%

said always, 39% said usually, 56% said not usually, and 0% said never. When asked if

they feel students are reluctant to give advice, 5% said always, 63% said usually, 32%

said not usually, and 0% said never. I think it is interesting that no one chose "never," and

I also think there is a bit of a mismatch in answers between the two questions. Most of

the teachers thought that most of the students are not usually confused about the purpose

of peer review, but they also thought the students are usually reluctant to give advice.

This suggests that students understand the role and purpose of peer review in the writing

process, but they just do not like it. I think that students do not understand the writing

process, and therefore, do not understand the role and purpose of peer review in the

process, and therefore, they do not appreciate it to its full extent. The fact that teachers

believe students understand the purpose of peer review, when my experience has shown

that they do not, leads me to think that the teachers do not understand the writing process

and the purpose of peer review.

When asked why they think the students are reluctant to give advice, the teachers’

responses were relatively close: 20% said the reluctance is caused by the students’

cultural background; 29% said it is because students are insecure with their grammar and

language skills; 21% said it is because of a lack of vocabulary or communication

strategies necessary for giving feedback; 9% said students just do not want to hurt their

friends’ feelings; and 2% said the students think evaluation is only the teacher’s job.

This suggests that teachers need to be told to address issues of culture and

communication strategies as part of preparing students for peer review. They also need to

be told how to overcome cultural differences and the students’ insecurities.

Conclusion

After considering these stakeholders, I decided that any project I would develop

should be paper-based and geared towards teacher use. If the teachers could understand

the eight steps previously outlined, they could help their students learn them. I also

decided that all eight steps should be addressed in the project, but that the project should

add practical application of the theory. It should include advice, materials, and lesson

plans to help teachers implement the theory into their classes. Finally, the materials need

to be easy to understand and easy to use; teachers do not have a lot of free time to spend.

Overall, based on the survey of the administration, faculty, and students, it seems

like the project is necessary! It definitely would help the teachers do a better job of

preparing the students. I firmly believe that if the teachers set it up the right way, the

students will understand why it is important to the writing process, will be willing to do

it, and that it can build better friendships in class. It is potentially very helpful and useful.

Organizations Involved

There are several organizations involved with this project. Their needs, goals,

expectations, culture, values, and systems need to be considered throughout the

development and implementation of this project. My work needs to conform to existing

implementation and style guidelines outlined by my MA project committee, the ELC

Executive Counsel, and the ELC Writing Coordinator.

First, the ELC executive council is involved because they make the executive

curriculum decisions and must approve any pilot studies prior to their implementation.

They expect all projects and studies to be professional and also discrete. Care must be

taken to keep IRB standards.

Second, the BYU Linguistics department is involved because this is my Master’s

project. Therefore, my MA project committee is involved because they must make sure I

successfully complete all of the requirements for graduation.

Third, the ELC writing coordinator is involved because he is the person with the

authority to make decisions for the writing curriculum.

Fourth, writing teachers are involved because they will be testing it for me, giving

feedback to me, and letting me know what will sink or swim. The materials will be tested

by new and experienced teachers across intermediate proficiency levels at the ELC.

Implementation Environment

Once the materials are developed, they will be tested by teachers at the ELC. I

learned in my Instructional Design and Materials Development classes that materials

should be developed for intermediate proficiency levels, so level 3 and 4 writing classes

at the ELC will be targeted.

The ELC writing curriculum focuses on the writing process, writing fluency, and

genre writing. The curriculum specifically talks about the complexity of writing topics,

length of finished essays, and overall appropriateness of content and organization.

Specific guidelines are not in place for grammar in student writing, grading, feedback on

drafts, or use of tutors. The peer review preparation materials would fit in nicely with this

curriculum. It fits with the emphasis on the writing process. It could potentially help

teachers meet the objectives outlines by the curriculum.

The teachers would need the materials before the beginning of the semester so

they could incorporate it into their plans. During the pilot studies, I would be available to

field problems or concerns. I hope after a few iterations of the project, it could be

implemented without ongoing support and that the teachers could go to the book to find

answers.

Development Resources/Schedule

The first iteration of the project needs to be ready for implementation in my

classes in Summer 2003. Revisions should be finished for implementation in a small

study involving other teachers by Fall 2003. If any more revisions are needed, they

should be finished and ready for implementation in a larger study in Winter 2004. The

tests should be completed by the end of April 2004, at which point I can begin finalizing

the project, write the report, and work towards graduation.

This is a low budget project. I paid for copying the materials that teachers used in

the pilot studies. I used Microsoft Word templates to develop the project. The end result

is a print based medium that includes explanations, activities, rubrics, example essays,

and sample lesson plans.

CHAPTER 3 PROJECT DEVELOPMENT

In addition to the task analysis, audience analysis, survey of stakeholders and

organizations involved, a project developer need to consider the instructional model that

will be used, the scope and sequence of the finished materials, and the instructional

methods that will be implemented.

Instructional model: Principles for Designing Cognitive Apprenticeship Environments

I learned about cognitive apprenticeship in IP&T 564. It seems a perfect fit with

what I want to accomplish with my project, and with the existing ELC curriculum

objectives. In a cognitive apprenticeship, a teacher tries to teach the cognitive processes

involved in a task through modeling, coaching, and scaffolding (Collins, A., Brown, J., &

Holum, A., 1991). There are four areas a teacher needs to consider when designing a

cognitive apprenticeship curriculum (figure 2).

This instructional model seems to fit well with the ELC writing curriculum. It

focuses on teaching the process behind an action, which in the writing curriculum is the

writing process. It promotes student autonomy; peer review also promotes autonomy. It

makes learning a social activity and group effort; peer review makes learning a group

activity. There are many correlations between this model and what the writing curriculum

and this peer review project hope to accomplish.

Scope and sequence

The eight tasks explained previously can be organized into three teaching units:

instruction, evaluation, and review (Appendix D). In the first unit the students must be

taught how to get along with each other. They also need to learn about the writing

Content: Types of knowledge required for expertise

• Domain knowledge subject matter specific concepts, facts, and procedures

• Heuristic strategies generally applicable techniques for accomplishing tasks

• Control strategies general approaches for directing one’s solution process

• Learning strategies knowledge about how to learn new concepts, facts, and

procedures

Method: Ways to promote the development of expertise

• Modeling teacher performs a task so students can observe

• Coaching teacher observes and facilitates while students perform a task

• Scaffolding teacher provides supports to help the student perform a task

• Articulation teacher encourages students to verbalize their knowledge and thinking

• Reflection teacher enables students to compare their performance with others

• Exploration teacher invites students to pose and solve their own problems

Sequencing: Keys to ordering learning activities

• Global before local skills focus on conceptualizing the whole task before executing

the parts

• Increasing complexity meaningful tasks gradually increasing in difficulty

• Increasing diversity practice in a variety of situations to emphasize broad

applications

Sociology: Social characteristics of learning environments

• Situated learning students learn in the context of working on realistic tasks

• Community of practice communication about different ways to accomplish

meaningful tasks

• Intrinsic motivation students set personal goals to seek skills and solutions

• Cooperation students work together to accomplish their goals

Figure 2: Principles for Designing Cognitive Apprenticeship Environments (Collins, A.,

Brown, J., & Holum, A., 1991, 43).

process, essay structure, communication skills for peer review, and how to do peer

review. In the second unit, they will practice doing peer review. Finally, in the third unit,

the teacher will continually review the principles learned previously.

Instructional methods

Although there are many stakeholders, I decided to focus on the teachers. If I put

together a good program to help the teachers, the students will be positively affected

through them. The materials will be a cognitive apprenticeship to teach teachers how to

teach peer review. The materials will utilize scaffolding to build the teachers’ knowledge

about peer review. It will also include modeling and coaching through the use of quotes

from the experts, such as Connor and Asenavage and Berg. Each instructional method in

the materials is based on cognitive apprenticeship principles (Appendix E).

Project Development

I decided to create a paper based project. I chose to use Microsoft word templates

because they are readily available on most computers and are generally easy to use.

However, it has been challenging to use Microsoft to design the project materials. The

text boxes can get messed up very easily.

The project went through several stages and revisions. I tried to implement

principles I learned in Ling 678 Materials Development and IP&T 564 Instructional

Design. In the beginning, the materials were very boring; I had information in a

disorganized format and no pictures. I felt like the bones were in place, but I needed to

perfect the presentation.

Next, I organized the information uniformly from chapter to chapter by using

standardized headings and titles. I felt that the information was coming together. In

addition, I added pictures from the Microsoft clip art gallery. However, the pictures were

all different. It made the product look messy.

In the next revision, I changed the pictures to be from the same style gallery. I

recognized that the pictures weren’t perfect, but they were the best ones available from

the style gallery. But the next problem was white space. The templates I used from

Microsoft were visually busy. I needed to remove some of the visual clutter and use more

white space. I also needed to make the information easier to copy or adapt. These issues

were addressed in the future revisions. At this point I began the first pilot studies of the

materials.

After three pilot studies, I realized that some changes needed to be made to the

materials. First, students preferred to respond as readers not as critics. So I removed the

criterion based feedback from the materials and added more reader response activities.

Second, the text boxes were getting obnoxious, to the point that it was hard to read some

of the information. So I abandoned the text boxes. Third, the matierals needed to be more

flexible, more copyable, and more adaptable. That is a large challenge. I attempted to

address it by making the pages easier to photocopy and easier to read. I hope that by

increasing readability it will increase useability. However, I recognize that not everyone

will be pleased with everything. It is the best I can do with what I have, and I think it is

pretty good.

Finally, I think that the materials are nearly finished. I plan to submit them to a

publishing company by the spring. I realize that the layout and format and pictures would

all be different if this work were ever published.

CHAPTER 4 IMPLEMENTATION

After developing these materials, I implemented their use in a few pilot studies at

the English Language Center. I needed to test the usability and effectiveness of the

materials.

Research questions

 Is the content appropriate for the skill and level?

 Are the layout and format usable, adaptable, and easy to understand?

 Does it produce the desired results?

Methods

Questionnaires

In each pilot study, the teachers were given a packet of questions about the

materials. The packet included open ended and closed questions that dealt with each

chapter individually and the work as a whole. A copy of the questions can be found in

Appendix F.

Interviews

I also interviewed each teacher at the end of Pilot C. I first read their answers to

the questions. Then I interviewed them to clarify some of their answers and to get further

information where the answers were sparse. Each teacher was interviewed individually.

Setting and context

Location

The study was conducted in several writing classes at the ELC, which is part of

Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah.

Time

As previously mentioned, three separate pilots studies were conducted. Pilot A

went from May 2003 to August 2003. Pilot B went from September 2003 to December

2003. Pilot C went from January 2004 to April 2004.

Class Size

Although class size varies slightly, the ELC averages 15 students per class.

Equipment

Teachers had copies of the “textbook” from which they made copies for students,

overhead transparencies, or whatever they might need for class. They were encouraged to

be familiar with the materials and adapt them as needed to suit the needs of their classes.

Participants

Students

The students who participated in the study were intermediate level students the

English Language Center (ELC) of varying ages and cultural backgrounds. Students were

placed in levels based on a battery of placement tests, including a writing test. The

writing test was double rated by trained raters at the ELC who were on the Executive

Council. Three pilot studies were conducted over the course of one year, and in that time

a total of 10 classes were involved. The students involved signed a document

acknowledging their participation and giving permission for their feedback to be used for

research (Appendix G).

Teachers

As previously mentioned, three pilot studies were done. In Pilot A, I was the only

participant. I wanted to try the materials before I had other teachers use them.

In Pilot B, I participated, as well as Mark Wolfersberger, the ELC Writing

Coordinator, and Kiffany Javier. All three of us were experienced writing teachers.

Kiffany and Mark volunteered to do the study; I wanted to see how a new set of students

would compare with the previous study’s students. We all taught students at the same

proficiency level.

Pilot C was the biggest pilot. Mark, Kiffany, and I participated again. Mark and

Kiffany wanted to see if they could do better than the first time, and I wanted to try it on

another set of students. In addition, two new teachers, who were teaching writing for the

first time, volunteered to participate in the study: Ben McMurry and Willow Ryu, who

was a nonnative English speaker.

CHAPTER 5 RESULTS AND FINDINGS

Based on the feedback gained through the questionnaires and interviews, I

concluded that the materials had great potential, but that it was easy for teachers to get

sidetracked and for students to get frustrated. The details of the findings are as follows.

From teachers

In general, the teachers who tried the materials liked them. They felt that the

students were more willing to participate in peer review, although they still had a hard

time giving criticism. They felt like the quality of their teaching improved. However, the

experienced teachers felt trapped into using the materials exactly as shown. That was a

difficult hurdle for me to jump; I had hoped that they would focus on the principles and

be able to adapt the materials. On the other hand, the new teachers appreciated the

structure because they had no previous structure to build on. They felt they needed the

examples, and they rarely deviated from them (Javier, 2004; McMurry, 2004; Ryu, 2004;

Wolfersberger, 2004). Details from the teacher interviews can be found in Appendix H.

From Students

Questionnaire

I participated in all three pilot studies, and during that time I taught a total of four

writing classes. I administered a questionnaire to my students (Appendix I). The students

were asked to respond to questions about peer review at three stages of the course. First

they were asked at the beginning of the semester; this survey is labeled “none.” Next they

responded after only two weeks of the class, which was after the teaching unit of the peer

review materials was completed; this survey is labeled “2 weeks.” Finally, the students

were asked to respond at the end of the semester, and this survey is labeled “4 months.”

Findings

The peers get nicer as time goes by—an increase from 12% very nice (figure 3) to

14% very nice (figure 4) to 32% very nice (figure 5). This could reflect the influence of

the training for task number one (Knowing each other) and number four (Knowing how

to give advice).

The peers get more helpful as time goes by—an increase from 7% very helpful

(figure 6) to 9% very helpful (figure 7) to 32% very helpful (figure 8). Not helpful at all

decreased from 7% (figure 6) to 0% (figures 7 and 8). This could be the effect of training

for task number two (Knowing what to look for).

It got easier as time passed—5% very easy (figure 9) to 9% very easy (figure 10)

to 21% very easy (figure 11). This could be due to tasks seven and eight (Following up

weekly and Reviewing at meidsemester).

The feedback grows more useful over time—an increase from 5% very useful

(figure 12) to 23% very useful (figure 13) to 11% very useful (figure 14). It is interesting

that the usefulness increased, then decreased, but ended with an overall increase of 6

percentage points. My theory for this curve is that over the course of the semester, the

complexity of topics and length of the papers increased. I believe that the peer review

remained useful, but that the writing itself got harder.

Student opinions about peer review

At the end of each semester, I also asked my students to respond to three questions.

 Did you feel like the peer groups helped you?

 Did you feel like the people in your group were your friends?

 Do you feel like your essays were better because of them?

How Nice How Helpful

Figure 3: no preparation Figure 6: no preparation

Figure 4: 2 weeks preparation Figure 7: 2 weeks preparation

Figure 5: 4 months preparation Figure 8: 4 months preparation

How nice is your peer group?

Not

nice at

all

49%

A little

nice

31%

Nice

14%

Very

nice

2 weeks

How helpful are the classmates who

review your essays?

Not helpful

at all

43%

A little

helpful

43%

Helpful

Very

helpful

None

How helpful was your peer group?

32%

Very

helpful

Not helpful

at all

26%

A little

helpful

42%

Helpful

4 months

How nice was your peer group?

Not nice

at all

11%

A little

nice

53%

Nice

32%

Very nice

4 months

How helpful is your peer group?

2 weeks

Not

helpful at

all

46%

A little

helpful

46%

Helpful

Very

helpful

How nice are the classmates who review

your essays?

Not

nice at

all

29%

A little

nice

57%

Nice

12%

Very

nice

None

How Easy How Useful

Figure 9: no preparation Figure 12: no preparation

Figure 10: 2 weeks preparation Figure 13: 2 weeks preparation

Figure 11: 4 months preparation Figure 14: 4 months preparation

How easy is it to use the advice from your

classmates to revise your essays?

Not easy

at all

52%

A little

easy

36%

Easy

Very

easy

None

How easy is it to use the peer review

feedback to revise your essay?

Not

easy at

all

35%

A little

bit easy

50%

Easy

Very

easy

2 weeks

How easy was it to use the peer review

feedback to revise your essay?

11%

Not easy

at all

37%

A little

easy

32%

Easy

21%

Very

easy

4 months

How useful is the feedback you

received from your peers?

23%

A little

bit

useful

54%

Useful

23%

Very

useful

Not useful at

all

2 weeks

How useful was the feedback you

received from your peers?

Not useful

at all

42%

A little

useful

42%

Useful

11%

Very

useful

4 months

How useful is the advice you receive from

your classmates?

Not

useful

at all

36%

A little

useful

52%

Useful

Very

useful

None

I had them respond to these questions because I wanted more personal feedback, as well

as a way to verify or deny the findings of the student survey. The individual student

feedback is in Appendix J.

Some students loved doing peer review. They loved their group members. They said

it helped them get over culture shock more quickly because they made friends in class. They

said it helped them understand the writing process more. It helped them become more

critical, more confident, and more outgoing.

However, some students didn’t like peer review. Some of them said we did it too

often, and some of them said their peers didn’t give good advice. And other students liked it

a little bit, but gave advice for how to do it differently in the future.

Overall, the students liked doing peer review, they liked their peer groups, and they

liked the feedback they got. They saw marked improvement in their friendships, revisions,

and negotiating skills.

Well after the completion of the study I received an unsolicited email (Appendix K)

from Suzy, a former ELC student. She had moved on in her education to the LDS Business

College, where she was taking a freshman writing course. In her email she said that her

teacher was requiring them to do peer review. She remembered what she had learned in my

classes (she was part of pilots A and B) and tried to give helpful feedback in a kind way, but

her classmates took offense at the feedback she and other students gave. Her classmates said

that peer review is stupid, but Suzy said she “completely disagree with” them. She concluded

her email by saying that “this peer review is causing me a lot of trouble.” I was excited to

receive this email because it suggests that students can do effective peer review and like it if

the teacher prepares them for it. It also suggests that students cannot do effective peer review

and dislike it if the teacher does not prepare them for it. It seems like Suzy’s teacher needs to

look at these materials.

Overall Effectiveness

In spite of some problems, the materials do what they were designed to do. They

help teachers understand the processes involved in peer review. The teachers can

communicate those processes to their students. The students generally respond well and

perform well. Based on the feedback I have received, I feel that I could continue to revise

the materials for future publication.

CHAPTER 6 CONCLUSIONS AND APPLICATIONS

Lessons learned

The effectiveness of the mini curriculum depends first of all on the preparation of

the teacher. If the teacher takes time to familiarize himself/herself with the objectives and

guidelines, it will be easier for him/her to adapt the materials, teach information, and use

peer review effectively in class. A teacher who does not understand the rationale and

process involved with peer review, he/she cannot teach the students to use it effectively.

The effectiveness of peer review also depends on the synergy of the students. I

taught the peer review material to four different classes. I feel like it worked great in

some of my classes, but some classes had problems. The students in some classes became

friends right away and had little or no inhibitions about peer review. Students in other

classes took longer to become friends, and their inhibitions at the beginning of the

semester bled over a little bit into the rest of the semester. Some students in some of the

classes were considered to by lazy and obnoxious by the other students, and any group to

which those students belonged did not do peer review well. Other students were older and

had already worked in professional fields. They were efficient and were respected by

their peers. Groups to which these students belonged usually did peer review very well.

I also learned that no matter how well the material is presented, students do not

like criterion based feedback. They feel unqualified to heavily critique another’s work.

Therefore, peer review works best when students respond as readers not evaluators. I

have moved to only using peer review methods based on reader response to content of the

essays. All concerns with organization I deal with in teacher-student conferences.

Ongoing use of the materials at the ELC

I have made these materials available on the ELC’s SASC website, which is

updated periodically (www.elc.byu.edu/sasc/pr). Teachers who are interested can

download the complete document. For example, in Fall semester, 2004, two teachers are

using the materials: Athelia Graham and Paul Morley. They report that the materials are

helpful and easy to use. They have appreciated the help the materials offer them. They

feel like peer review this semester is more successful than it has been for them in

previous semesters.

In addition, Curtis Isaac, who is currently the Writing Coordinator at the ELC,

invited me to present information about peer review at a teacher inservice meeting in

October 2004. Many people told me afterwards that the information was potentially very

helpful and asked for more information. I directed them to the materials on the website,

and keep in touch with them regularly.

Furthermore, I have continued to teach writing at the ELC. I have been adapting

the materials to meet the needs of lower proficiency students. I find that peer review is

still useful and effective at the lower levels. The students enjoy it, perhaps even more

than those I taught at the higher levels.

Future changes to the project

The materials need more work. They need to be adapted to low and high

proficiency levels. They need to be structured less rigidly, but still well enough to support

inexperienced teachers. I do not know how I am going to do that yet.

Because of my discovery that students respond better as readers, I have removed

some of the rubrics and activities from the materials that make them respond as critics or

editors, and plan to add more materials focused on reader response activities.

Suggestions for future research

Based on the results of these studies, I have three areas for further research. First,

I think someone should do a statistical study on the use of these materials in writing

classes. The researcher should have two groups: one using the materials and one not

using the materials. Second, I think it is important to compare the level of involvement

and effectiveness of students reviewing as readers vs. students reviewing as critics.

Thirdly, I think someone could compare the effectiveness of peer review (with

preparation) at different proficiency levels.

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Appendix A: Teacher Survey

If you are teaching or have ever taught writing at the ELC, please complete this

questionnaire and put it in Mark’s box.

1. What writing classes have you taught at the

ELC?__________________________________________

2. Do/did you use peer evaluation/review/feedback (whatever you call it) in your writing

class?

A. No B. Yes

Complete questions 3-9. Complete questions 10-23.

3. Why do not you use peer evaluation? Circle all that apply.

A. There is not enough time in class.

B. Students do not like it.

C. It doesn’t produce better drafts.

D. Students do not give good advice

E. Students can’t do a good job evaluating a paper.

F. Students do not know enough grammar.

G. It causes too many fights between students.

H. I do not know enough about it to feel confident trying it.

I. Other:__________________________

4. If students were trained and given specific elements of writing to focus on in during

peer evaluation, do you think they would provide better feedback to each other and make

better revisions in their papers?

A. Not at all

B. A limited extent

C. A moderate extent

D. A great extent

E. A very great extent

F. I do not know

5. How much do you think the amount and type of training would influence peer

evaluation?

A. Not at all

B. A limited extent

C. A moderate extent

D. A great extent

E. A very great extent

F. I do not know

6. Would you be willing to try peer evaluation if it would benefit student performance in

the long run?

A. Yes

B. Maybe

C. No

7. Would you be willing to try peer evaluation if you had materials on how to train

students for peer evaluation?

A. Yes

B. Maybe

C. No

8. What concerns might you have with a training program? Circle all that apply.

A. Amount of time it would take in class

B. If it would actually benefit the students

C. Different than my opinions about peer evaluation

D. Other:__________________________

9. In what format would you like information about peer evaluation training presented to

you?

A. A one-hour training seminar

B. A packet of materials and explanations

C. A teacher’s guide with example activities

D. Other:__________________________

Thank you for your participation. You are finished with the survey.

10. How useful do you think peer evaluation is?

A. Not at all useful

B. Slightly useful

C. Moderately useful

D. Extremely useful

11. Why do you use peer evaluation? Circle all that apply.

A. Saves teacher time

B. Produces better drafts

C. Produces greater student-author autonomy

D. Creates greater camaraderie in the class

E. Produces greater audience awareness

F. Improves critical reading and writing skills

G. Other:_______________________

12. What should students look for/evaluate in a peer evaluation session? Circle all that

apply.

A. Grammar?Spelling

B. Organization/structure

C. Vocabulary

D. Ideas

E. Thesis statement

F. Topic sentences

G. Unity of details

H. Flow of ideas

I. Other:_______________________

13. How much time do you spend training your students to do peer evaluation?

A. Part of one day

B. One day

C. Several days in a row

D. Hit and miss throughout the semester.

14. How do you train for peer evaluation? Circle all that apply.

A. Explain a rubric they will use

B. Explain the need for peer evaluation

C. Explain writing structure

D. Model a good evaluation

E. Explain what to look for in the essays

F. Teach vocabulary and dialogue skills

G. Other:_____________________

15. Briefly describe any strategies you

have found useful for promoting successful peer evaluation (successful: (adj.) when

students give advice that produces positive change in an essay, and are still friends when

it is over).

16. Briefly describe any peer evaluation

strategies that didn’t seem to work with your students and explain why you think they

didn’t work.

17. Do you feel that students are

confused about the purpose of peer evaluation?

A. Never

B. Not usually

C. Usually

D. Always

18. Do you feel that students are reluctant to give criticism or advice to their peers?

A. Never

B. Not usually

C. Usually

D. Always

19. If you feel that they are reluctant, what causes their reluctance? Circle all that apply.

A. Cultural background

B. Insecure about grammar/language skills

C. Lack of vocabulary/communication strategies for criticism

D. Shyness

20. How much do you think the amount and type of training increase the

effectiveness of peer evaluation?

A. Not at all

B. A limited extent

C. A moderate extent

D. A great extent

E. A very great extent

21. Would you be willing to spend more time doing specific training for peer

evaluation if it would benefit student performance?

A. Yes

B. Maybe

C. No

22. What concerns might you have with a training program? Circle all that apply.

A. Amount of time it would take in class

B. If it would actually benefit the students

C. Different than my opinions about peer evaluation

D. Other:____________________

23. In what format would you like information about peer evaluation training presented to

you?

A. A one-hour training seminar

B. A packet of materials

C. A teacher’s guide with activities

Thank you for your participation. You are finished with the survey

Appendix B: Teacher Matrix

First time teachers

Mr. John

Willing to try new

things

Mrs. Miller

Unwilling to try new

things

Ms. Farr

Characteristics  Mostly

inexperienced

 A little insecure

 Anxious to adapt

quickly and to

please supervisors

 Still unsure about

which teaching

theories he favors.

Usually reverts

back to teaching

the way he was

taught

 Usually a newer

teacher who has

been teaching for

a short amount of

time.

 Favors newer

teaching

techniques and

theories—

constructivism,

cognitivism,

collaborative

learning

 Student centered

 Has been teaching

for a long time.

 Favors older

teaching

techniques and

theories—

behaviorism

 Teacher centered

Wants/needs  Desperately needs

and wants

materials

 Examples

 Feedback

 Would be

interested in

materials.

 Needs to be

shown evidence

or proof of how

something new is

effective.

 She wants to be

left alone until

retirement.

Things to avoid

 Giving too little

structure in the

curriculum and

lesson plans

 Giving too much

structure in the

curriculum and

lesson plans

 Trying to change

things too quickly.

Quote “I have never taught

writing before. I do

not know what to do.

What kind of essays

should I teach? How

should I grade? How

long will it take me?

What materials do I

use? I am unsure

about everything and

a little nervous.”

“I have been teaching

writing for a while. I

generally know what

works and what

doesn’t. But I would

be willing to try

something new or

different if I felt that

it would benefit me or

my class.”

“I have been teaching

for a long time. I

know exactly how

things should be

done, and I think

new-fangled teaching

methods are a waste

of time. They are

confusing and success

is hard to measure,

and I will continue to

do things the

traditional way. Tried

and tested tradition is

best.”

Appendix C: Student Matrix

Type 1

Yohei

Type 2

Martina

Type 3

Otgonbayaar

Characteristics

 Very seriously

minded

 High grammar

skills

 Low

listening/speaking

skills

 Often has never

written essays

before

 Plagiarism doesn’t

exist for them

 Dislikes group

work

 Rhetorical

structures are

completely foreign

 Dislikes being

called on to

answer questions

 Dislikes calling

attention to

himself

 Dislikes criticizing

others

 Wants more

TOEFL

homework

 Highly motivated

to pass the

TOEFL, often

forget that there is

more than that

 Prefers drills,

note-taking,

multiple choice

tests

 Very seriously

minded

 High grammar

skills

 Mid-high

listening/speaking

 Essay writing is

central in their

education system

 Very aware of

plagiarism and

citations

 Likes group work

as long as the

group stays on

task.

 Rhetorical

structures are

familiar and easy

to use

 Often is quiet in

class, but will

volunteer to

answer all

questions.

 Doesn’t crave

attention, but

doesn’t mind it

 Doesn’t mind

giving or receiving

constructive

criticism.

 Wants more

challenge

 Highly motivated

to learn university

skills

 Gets irritated

easily when the

class is not

professional.

 Not so seriously

minded

 Low grammar

skills

 Mid to high

listening/speaking

 Formal essay

writing is difficult

for them.

 Knows about

plagiarism, but a

little relaxed about

citations

 Loves group work,

often off task

 Rhetorical

structures are easy

to recognize, but

hard to use.

 Enjoys talking out

in class, not

always on topic

 Loves to be the

center of attention

 Doesn’t mind

giving or receiving

personal criticism.

 Wants more fun

and games and

less homework

 Often is highly

motivated, but it is

not apparent.

 Punctuation is

very difficult for

them

Type 1

Yohei

Type 2

Martina

Type 3

Otgonbayaar

Wants/needs

for peer

evaluation

 Why peer

evaluation is

important

 How to give

advice that will

help their peers

write better essay

 What to critique

 How to give

criticism in a kind

way

 How to give

criticism in a

helpful way

 What to critique in

an evaluation

Things to

avoid

 Embarrassing

them

 Neglecting

TOEFL

 Too much group

work

 Too little

challenge

 Neglecting

university training

 Pointless or off-

task group work

 Too much

challenge

 Neglecting their

need to talk and

move

 Too little group

work

Quote

When

responding to

an essay…

“It is good.” “I like this idea, but I

think you need a

stronger thesis

statement, these

details are not on

topic, and you need to

write a conclusion.”

“It is bad. Fix it.”

Appendix D: Scope and Sequence

Course

Overview

Unit 1:

Instruction

Unit 2:

Evaluation

Unit 3:

Review

Appendices

A. Why use

this

material?

B. What is

included in

these

materials?

C. How do I

use these

materials?

D. What is the

time frame

for using

these

materials?

A. Teamwork

building

B. Paper and

paragraph

structure

C. The writing

process

D. Communica

tion skills

E. Peer

evaluation

rules and

rubrics

A. Dress

rehearsal:

Practice

everything

B. Long and

short term

outcomes

A. Weekly

follow up

B. Midsemester

review

A. Copyable

materials

B. Essays

C. Rubrics

D. Biblio-

graphy

Appendix E: Instructional Methods

Name Strategy Purpose Rationale

Unit 1: Instruction Lesson topics and

objectives

What needs to be

taught

Domain

Knowledge

Scaffolding

Global before

local

Increasing

complexity

Increasing

diversity

Activities and

Materials Lesson

plans

Materials they could use

or adapt

How it

could/should be

taught

Heuristic

strategies

Scaffolding

Modeling

Expert Advice Quotes from

experts/researchers

about potential problem

areas

Give advice and

examples

Help them know

what pitfalls to

avoid, and, if they

are in a hole, not to

blame the program

for problems that

are external

Coaching

Unit 2: Evaluation

and assessment to

individual

activities

Materials and activities

they could use to assess

the Projected short-term

and long term

performance outcomes

How to assess the

effectiveness of the

training—

performance or

performance

potential

Scaffolding

Reflection

Unit 3: Review Suggestions for use in

the writing process, in

different proficiency

levels, how to revisit the

training modules as

needed

How to maintain

the program—how

to push the students

to reach target

performance over

time

Exploration

Scaffolding

Coaching

Control strategies

Appendices Example rubrics and

essays

Give advice and

examples

Coaching

Modeling

Appendix F: Questionnaire for pilot study

Table of Contents and Introduction

1. How did the table of contents help you understand the scope and organization of the

book?

2. How did the introduction help you understand the purpose and time frame of this unit

of instruction?

3. Did you follow the suggested calendar and sequence of lessons, or did you adapt it?

Why?

4. What could have helped you understand this better?

Chapter 1

1. Were the objectives for chapter 1 clear? Why or why not?

2. Did the quotes from research help you understand the objectives?

3. What activities/materials did you use?

4. Did you use them exactly as given or did you adapt them? How did you adapt them?

5. Did you use the example lesson plan or adapt it? How did you adapt it?

6. How much class time did you use?

7. How did the students participate?

8. In general, what problems did you face? Were you able to overcome them?

9. What suggestions do you have for improving this chapter?

Chapter 2

1. Were the objectives for chapter 2 clear?

2. Did the quotes from research help you understand the objectives?

3. What activities/materials did you use?

4. Did you use them exactly as given or did you adapt them? How did you adapt them?

5. Did you use the example lesson plan or adapt it? How did you adapt it?

6. How much class time did you use?

7. How did the students participate?

8. In general, what problems did you face? Were you able to overcome them?

9. What suggestions do you have for improving this chapter?

Chapter 3

1. Were the objectives for chapter 3 clear?

2. Did the quotes from research help you understand the objectives?

3. What activities/materials did you use?

4. Did you use them exactly as given or did you adapt them? How did you adapt them?

5. Did you use the example lesson plan or adapt it? How did you adapt it?

6. How much class time did you use?

7. How did the students participate?

8. In general, what problems did you face? Were you able to overcome them?

9. What suggestions do you have for improving this chapter?

Chapter 4.1

1. Were the objectives for chapter 4 part 1 clear?

2. Did the quotes from research help you understand the objectives?

3. What activities/materials did you use?

4. Did you use them exactly as given or did you adapt them? How did you adapt them?

5. Did you use the example lesson plan or adapt it? How did you adapt it?

6. How much class time did you use?

7. How did the students participate?

8. In general, what problems did you face? Were you able to overcome them?

9. What suggestions do you have for improving this chapter?

Chapter 4.2

1. Were the objectives for chapter 4 part 2 clear?

2. Did the quotes from research help you understand the objectives?

3. What activities/materials did you use?

4. Did you use them exactly as given or did you adapt them? How did you adapt them?

5. Did you use the example lesson plan or adapt it? How did you adapt it?

6. How much class time did you use?

7. How did the students participate?

8. In general, what problems did you face? Were you able to overcome them?

9. What suggestions do you have for improving this chapter?

Chapter 5

1. Were the objectives for chapter 5 clear?

2. Did the quotes from research help you understand the objectives?

3. What activities/materials did you use?

4. Did you use them exactly as given or did you adapt them? How did you adapt them?

5. Did you use the example lesson plan or adapt it? How did you adapt it?

6. How much class time did you use?

7. How did the students participate?

8. In general, what problems did you face? Were you able to overcome them?

9. What suggestions do you have for improving this chapter?

Chapter 6

1. Were the objectives for chapter 6 clear?

2. Did the quotes from research help you understand the objectives?

3. What activities/materials did you use?

4. Did you use them exactly as given or did you adapt them? How did you adapt them?

5. Did you use the example lesson plan or adapt it? How did you adapt it?

6. How much class time did you use?

7. How did the students participate?

8. In general, what problems did you face? Were you able to overcome them?

9. What suggestions do you have for improving this chapter?

Chapter 7

1. Were the objectives for chapter 7 clear?

2. In general, what problems did you face? Were you able to overcome them?

Chapter 8

1. Were the objectives for chapter 8 clear?

2. Did the quotes from research help you understand the objectives?

3. Did you do this exactly as given or did you adapt it? How did you adapt it?

4. Did you use the example lesson plan or adapt it? How did you adapt it?

5. How much class time did you use?

6. In general, what problems did you face? Were you able to overcome them?

Follow up

Please keep track of what you do to follow up this instruction in your class during the rest

of the semester.

Day

Time Spent

Activity

Comments

Appendix A

1. What activities/materials from appendix A did you use?

2. Did you use them exactly as given or did you adapt them? How did you adapt them?

3. In general, what problems did you face? Were you able to overcome them?

4. In general, did this appendix help you as you taught this unit of instruction?

Appendix B

1. What activities/materials from appendix B did you use?

2. Did you use them exactly as given or did you adapt them? How did you adapt them?

3. In general, what problems did you face? Were you able to overcome them?

4. In general, did this appendix help you as you taught this unit of instruction?

Appendix C

1. What activities/materials from appendix c did you use?

2. Did you use them exactly as given or did you adapt them? How did you adapt them?

3. In general, what problems did you face? Were you able to overcome them?

4. In general, did this appendix help you as you taught this unit of instruction?

Appendix D

1. Did appendix D help you as you taught this unit of instruction?

Overall Evaluation

Please answer the following questions about your use of the peer review book this

semester. If you want to explain these answers further, feel free to write in space to the

right of the question.

1. I was well informed about the objectives of this course. Yes Somewhat No

2. I accomplished the objectives of this course. Yes Somewhat No

3. This course lived up to my expectations. Yes Somewhat No

4. The difficulty level of this course is appropriate. Yes Somewhat No

5. I liked being able to use and adapt this as needed. Yes Somewhat No

6. I will be able to use what I learned in this course. Yes Somewhat No

7. I am willing to try this again in my classes. Yes Somewhat No

8. What did you like?

9. How do you feel this effected the students’ participation in and use of peer review?

10. How would you improve this course? Please be specific.

11. How would you implement these suggestions?

12. Would you be willing to use these materials again?

13. In the same or a different way?

14. What would you name this book?

Appendix G: Permission Slips

Informed Consent Statement for Exempt Research

This class is participating in a research study being conducted by Alison McMurry to

assess the usability and effectiveness of peer review preparation workshops. There are no

known risks or benefits to your participation. Involvement in this study is voluntary, and

you may refuse to participate. There will be no reference to your identification at any

point in the study. If you have questions regarding this study, you may contact Alison

McMurry at

[email protected].

I agree to participate in this study

Signature Date

Permission to use writing samples

I, the undersigned, give permission for Alison Irvine McMurry to use my writing,

including journals and essays, in her Master’s project and in future research and

publications.

I grant her all rights to publication of the document(s) for academic use.

I understand the document(s) will be used as if by an anonymous author, using only my

first name and last initial as author identification.

Printed Name __________________________________________________________

Signature ______________________________________________________________

Date __________________________________________________________________

Appendix H: Individual Teacher’s Responses

Mark

I have really been using your stuff this semester and I think it has been great. I am

actually using the groups in class that I have set up! We are doing the game everyday and

even though we haven’t gotten through all of the training stuff yet, I have had the

students share their papers with their groups. It has been going really well. I think your

book is filled with great ideas.

Ben

Ben used the materials almost always as they were suggested. I felt that they were

helpful, but that he needed more experience teaching before he could really understand

them and use them to their fullest potential. He is planning to use them again next time he

teaches an intermediate or advanced writing class.

Willow

Willow didn’t want to read, she just wanted to use the materials. She wanted me

to tell her what to use, when to use it, and how to evaluate it. She used the materials

exactly as given, but didn’t always read and understand the rationale. Within a few

weeks, she felt very frustrated with peer review. When I interviewed her, I found that she

was not practicing any of the principles from the materials. She was not having her

students do peer review for a specific purpose. She gave them no guidelines when they

did peer review. They didn’t understand the connection between peer review feedback

and revising. In general, I feel that she didn’t really give the students the preparation and

guidance they needed to perform peer review well.

Kiffany

Kiffany tried the preparation materials twice. The first time, she only used rubrics

and example essays. She felt that they were helpful and wanted to try the rest of the

materials. After the second semester, Kiffany said, “I especially like the information

about how to revise the paper. That is what stands out to me most this semester. This is

the first time I have taught the students how to revise and how to use peer review

comments to help them revise.”

“I am doing this part differently than I have in the past. It seems like the students

this semester are doing better with organization, so they come to peer review more

prepared. They do better with organization. Maybe it is because these lessons have

increased their awareness of those issues, and they know their peers will be looking at

those things.

“I think my perfectionist students come with a “perfect” first draft. They try to

come with everything perfect the first time, so it is hard to say if their drafts get better.

“One student has a hard time with details. He puts too many ideas in one

paragraph. The peers do not catch that that is a problem. They see transition words, so

they think it is ok. But his group needs to be more aware that that is a problem, and they

need to be willing to tell him. For his group, I think they just want to be nice, so maybe

they know it is a problem and do not say anything. One member of the group asks me for

help with peer review because he recognizes that there is a problem (because it is not

clear to understand) and wants my help giving advice. I think maybe both things are

problems—knowing about the issue and being willing to talk about the issue.

“I almost wish I could give a grade for peer review. Let me contrast with l/s peer

groups. l/s wants to give everyone a perfect score. But in the writing class, they try to be

as nice as possible. They are not as harsh as they should be because they do not want to

hurt others’ feelings.

“I almost wish that I had one big class time to write the first draft and do peer

review in class. It would help them understand how to write drafts and how to do peer

review.

“I have used rubrics and the textbook’s specific peer review questions for each

assignment. Right now we are doing a problem-solution, and the book has a

questionnaire for peer review. I always give them guidelines on paper to follow—

questions of rubrics. Now, every time I give them guidelines for peer review, I also give

them something to make a plan to use the peer review to revise.

“One thing I have never done (maybe too difficult of stepping out of my box) is

the group game. I should do something to build group rapport. They do other things as a

group, but I think the game would be a good thing to do. It seems like a good idea.

“The pacing of the materials seemed a little slow—it is good. But I wouldn’t want

to drag it out any longer than about one week.

“One thing I think would be interesting to do is do peer review at home. But I

would worry that they wouldn’t do it. Maybe they would be more serious if it were a

homework assignment.

“I thought the materials were very adaptable—I could pick and choose and adapt

to fit my class’ needs. I used the appendices the most. I adapted the activities and lesson

plans to what I needed/wanted to do.

“I am pleased with it, but I am not really critical of myself because it is my last

semester. I am not going to be here to use this again next semester, so I am not really

evaluating it very much.

“Last semester I used the rubrics for level 4 class (points) I haven’t used points

because they aren’t grading each other. So I feel like peer review has been better this

semester than in the past. They are responding as readers.

“On a scale of 1 to 5, I rate this basically a 5, I guess. Maybe a 4. Between 4 and

5. The ideas are good, but the teaching and application are not perfect. I feel like it

definitely improves the students’ feeling of accomplishment, quality of peer review, and

for some it has improved the quality of writing. They are less depended on me, but the

perfectionist ones are more dependent. They need to learn how to self monitor.

“Well, it would be nice (maybe not possible) to see what other teachers have done

and to see how they have adapted it, i.e. Rubrics and activities.

“I was fine with it. I think the idea (not exactly everything in the materials) they

should use peer review, and they need training. If it doesn’t fit their teaching style, they

can use the idea. Even though I didn’t use the calendar exactly as given, I followed the

general guidelines. Good to start out in the beginning with guidelines and some structure.

Good to have structure to see direction and how it fits together. I could do that with out

the rigid structure. Maybe change it so it has less structure, and only the calendar as an

example, but do not set it up like this is THE way to do it.”

Appendix I: Student Questionnaire

Please answer the following questions. Give your opinion about peer review (when your

classmates give advice about your essays).

1. How nice are the classmates who review your essays?

a. not nice at all

b. a little nice

c. nice

d. very nice

2. How helpful are the classmates who review your essays?

a. not helpful at all

b. a little helpful

c. helpful

d. very helpful

3. How useful was the advice you have received from your classmates?

a. not useful at all

b. a little useful

c. useful

d. very useful

4. How easy is it to use the advice from your classmates to revise your essays?

a. not easy at all

b. a little easy

c. easy

d. very easy

Appendix J: Individual Student Responses

From Summer 2003.

Suzy, Brazil. Well, I liked some times. Just because the advice that I got from my

classmates were almost the time wrong. I do not know but I think everybody were in the

same level and in the beginning we didn't know very well the writing process. I think in

the end of the semester we did a good peer groups, because we learned during the

semester. I think peer groups are good, but just when the class really understand the

writing process. So if you think the class understand the writing process, you must do it!

One thing that helped me a lot, it was when everybody read my paper and asked me

question. So I could figure out what information the people (audience/reader) want to

know. But I think is good when we do not know the subject and ask question before read

too. Because you will know exactly what questions make the reader be interesting in

reading your paper.

Mario, Mexico. I really liked the people that I worked with in class. I feel like

they helped me write better papers. They were my friends. I think all this because during

this time, I had the opportunity to learn about different cultures and different people from

around the world. And when we needed work together, we had the pleasure to enjoy all

this time.

From Fall 2003

Gavin, Korea. in my opinion, peer review was not so useful. because sometime it

was hard to fix class mate's essay. actually, I confused a lot what they wanted to say. and

we insisted that our essay wanted to be fixed by our teacher usually. so I think teacher

review was more useful for us. The best thing, I think, about the peer review was what it

gave more objective opinion to my essay. I could easily find some problems of my essay

through the process because their opinions were almost same. However, the peer review

was not so much helpful for writing in my case. The reasons are students didn't have

enough time to review their mates' essay. Many students hardly did their best.

Hyun Ju, Korea. This is when I had to peer review about the health. I had the

good experience through the peer review. I could find out my essay problem. First I had

to think about audience—was it available or not. And also purpose—was it match my

topic sentence. About the body—I need to apply for the time order. Through these

experienced, I learned a lot.

Andy, Taiwan. I think the peer group is helpful. I think it doesn't matter they are

friends or not, the important thing is they can give me different way to rethink this topic.

It depends. If I had time to go though again what they think of my paper I think I will

write a better essay.....but if not, it won't be a better essay. In addition, the peer group

write more opinion as they can, it can help the other peer most.

Casey, Taiwan. I think the peer groups are good. In some way, they really helped

me to improve my essay and gave me good advises. However, I didn't get good

suggestions sometimes, they just said "I think this essay is good!" So I think the peer

groups are good or not depends on who give you advises.

Carlos, Ecuador. For me work in peer group was very fun, they help me to have

a lot of motivation. The peer group help to break the ice, help they to be more friendly

and happy. oh! my people in my group was my good friends, was very fun work together.

About my essay was different, only we asked question in suggestion, in we did the rest

it. About the essay, the group help to give the vision, and also to see was wrong in our

essay, if this student they do not like this way to learn they have problem, they have to be

more humble. OH! my class was student good writers, was good for me because I learn a

lot from them. Alison tell you class they have to be more humble.

Mickey, Korea. Peer group was so nice.... We saw other students essay. We

learned from our class mates. It was good experience.... Have a nice day..!!

Luana, Italy. The peer review always helps me a lot. I didn't get the chance to see

what my classmates suggested me to do ....but I think it will be helpful when I will be

fixing the paper. Thanks.

Sodoo, Mongolia. It helped me a lot. But Sister. McMurry, how about if each peer

groups has 2 students. So then these 2 have a lot of time to talk about their writings.

Second, I found out what I need to delete, add, fix, and change. Third, I felt they are my

friends because I chose them. Love, Sodoo.

Brian, Mongolia. I think about peer groups were helped me a lot. Because for that

was a great unity and also students could be able to ask each other the questions. The

important thing is students can help each other. I remember that one day group discussed

and gave me a good feedback that helped me a lot, because of that I can be able to fix my

essay better. I hope it will help you. Good luck with everything I know you are the great

teacher. I wish you the best.

Sandra, Mexico. Your classes helped me a lot and I want to thank you so much.

you are a great teacher and yeah the peer review we did in class was a lot of help. I like it

when my group revised it help me a lot .I got to go but thanks once again you were my

favorite teacher at the elc and I do miss your classes you a wonderful and thank you for

your classes now that I have papers to write is had been of much help. Sincerely, Sandra

Choon, Korea. I would like to recommend that peer groups review is just one time

is sufficient because most student could understand after your lesson about writing skills.

Through the peer review, I learned what I didn't catch the my essay problem. I think peer

review should be after second draft or third draft(before final draft) is best, because of

most student didn't prepared for the peer review at the first draft. Thank You.

Jay, Korea. I thought about your question seriously. Frankly, at first time, I had a

wondering, is it helpful for me or not? because my classmates are in same level. 1000

ants can't kill only one elephant. I just needed a good writer as a tutor only for me. but

gradually my thought was changing. when my classmate told me about my essay. if they

told me about strength, I was happy! in other hand, if they told me about my faults and

defects, I thought I need a more practice. I didn’t find my faults, but they can find! they

are better than me. and I could ask help to them. then, they helped me kindly. but when

beginning the class, we didn’t know well each other. in my case, the last semester is first

time to me in America. so I was so~ nervous. after u made a team with 3 people, I

became to like my team and later I had a interest of other friends. at first, to read other's

essay and to be read my essay is so strange and it was bothered me BUT! finally

that method is so helpful to me. I liked your GAME! especially when I writed a 30 min

essay, I could finish on time. and I could make a good relationship with my team! u have

taught me writing though, my writing is still bad. I need a lot of practices and

experiences. I will try do practice to be a good writer. I am always thankful for you.

Wei, China. I liked the last semester that we had wonderful time. I felt the peer

group is good. It helped us to know each other and be friend, and made us more close.

When we read each other's essays that we learned more about opinions. So I think it's

good. I like it. OK, have fun this semester.

Sanmir, Mexico. About your question, I think that peer review helped me, but no

too much, because some times we just tried to find any simple problem and that was all!!

Bye!! Have a nice weekend!!

Hana, Korea. I think, the peer groups work is really helpful and useful to me.

sometimes, I forgot some organization or theses statements. so, when my group see my

essay, they told me. what I forget. it's like remembering. and I feel like the people in my

group are my friends. exception, when they told me, like I have conclusion but they said

you do not have it. it make me upset.. but it's ok. I think ELC teacher always told to

students "good job". and I asked another native person , they told me "you have to fix it"

something like that. if teacher just told us , good job. it's not helpful. but the peer groups

people told me. what I have to fix it. so I can fix some of my essay. they like my teachers.

teacher can't fix everybody's essay seriously. but my peer groups can read seriously.

hum... it's my opinion. I hope, my e-mail give to you help. have good week.

Ben, Mexico. Well, what I think about the Peer Review is that it's a really helpfull

method, because you can get opinions, comments, and that can help you to develop in a

more specific and understandable way your essay, also I think that when you are open to

new comments and opinions it is much better, because you can change your prospective

or the way you want it to be directed.

I liked the people that worked with me , because even though they weren’t the

best in the class , their opinion was really helpful. They told me what was hard to

understand , and what didn't make sense. Also the best thing was that they were sincere

and not hypocrite. I thing that their opinion influenced my essays in a good way, because

there were many times when I didn't know how to express what I wanted to write and

they gave me ideas. Of course it wasn't like that allways, because you can get comments

or suggestions that either you do not understand what they were trying to say or if they

wrote that because they are your friends and they wanted you to feel good.

I thing that they really were my friends, because as a group we tried to do our best

and we tried to give constructive commentes, not useless comments. Also during the

semester we could click and that helped us build a better relationship. Well, in conclusion

I think that I had a good and learning experience, that now helps me to do better in

college.......also I can see my improvement in my writing, and the best of all is that I

learned know how to advise and give useful comments about essays....

From Winter 2004

Roccita, Taiwan. I think people work together are not too good for me , because

they seldom to talk to and their pronunciation is hard to understand. I like them because

they are friendly. Have a nice weekend, I'll miss you. Thanks a lit.

Grace, Taiwan. First, I like the people that I worked with, through some group

activity I will know them more and more, also this is a good chance to learn how to work

with your teammates.

Seconed, I do feel like the people I worked with in class helped me write better

papers, because I accepted different ideas and a lot information they gave me..such like

when I wrote my Science paper, I do not have any idea for my topic but after I talked to

them, I got some information from them and I can decided what will be a interesting

topic that people like to read or what is the most importment thing they want to know

...for sure the work with the group is the best way to get your ideas for the papers. Third,

I do feel like the people in my group were my friends, because I know them more and

more.. I have more time to talk to them. we can share our idea each other. like my

teammates Emi and Groge and Nancy ..we are good friend now

Ghassan, Syria. Of course I liked working with my group in class, they were my

classmates, on other hand they were not my friends because I met them just in class. In

my opinion I could not help them to write better and ether they did . My first group was

better. My second group had problem with absent (Emi&Ogi). Finally I think many of us

did not waste time in your class. You are a very good teacher, keep going, I would love to

see you a professional …professional…professional.

Appendix K: Email from Suzy

Hello again, teacher.

The bigest problem is that she is trying to do the peer rewiew with a class that do

not know very well the writing process. I really do not know if I am wrong or not, but

it would be easier if she could explain in class a litter bit about the writing process.I just

know that becouse I was ELC's student and I already had this class before. Anyway..I am

just saying that becouse some of my classmates are calling me saying that they hate the

teacher and this peer reviw is stupid Which I completely desagree with.

I already had a fight in my class with some classemates. My teacher asked me to

read some papers. I tried to be very careful about giving my point of view. I remember

that you said in class to use words like: how about..., make sure you..., I really like that...

I tried to be polite, but did not work at all. Some students got mad at me. The fact that

they are living here (US) long the I made them think I do not know enough. Most of my

classmates live here for about 3,4,5,6... years. Anyway, this peer review is causing me a

lot of trouble.

Thanks a lot.

Suzy

How to do peer review

Alison Irvine McMurry

How to do peer r e v i e w

A l l e s s a y s d e s i g n a t e d w i t h o n l y t h e f i r s t n a m e a n d

l a s t i n i t i a l ( i . e . A l i s o n M . ) a r e u s e d w i t h s i g n e d

c o n s e n t o f t h e s t u d e n t a u t h o r s .

T h a n k y o u t o

M y T e a c h e r s

S t e p h a n i e A l l e n

N e i l A n d e r s o n

T r u d y K . C h r i s t e n s e n

R a y G r a h a m

C y n t h i a H a l l e n

M y C o w o r k e r s

K i f f a n y M . J a v i e r

C a r y J o h n s o n

F a r r a h K e e l e r

W i l l o w R y u

M a r k W o l f e r s b e r g e r

T r a c y W o o d s

a n d

o t h e r s

A n d m y h u s b a n d

B e n j a m i n L . M c M u r r y

B u t e s p e c i a l l y t o

M y s t u d e n t s

w h o l e t m e u s e t h e m a n d t h e i r e s s a y s

i n m y r e s e a r c h a n d t h i s w o r k .

H o w t o d o p e e r r e v i e w

T a b l e o f C o n t e n t s

I n t r o d u c t i o n P a g e

Foreword..................................................................................... 92

Objectives ................................................................................... 93

How to use this guide ...................................................................... 93

A suggested course calendar .............................................................. 94

U n i t 1 : I n s t r u c t i o n

Chapter 1: Knowing each other—Teamwork building.................................. 95

Chapter 2: Knowing what to look for .................................................... 110

Chapter 3: Knowing why to give advice................................................. 120

Chapter 4: Knowing how to give advice

Part one: Being a good peer reviewer ........................................... 128

Part two: Doing peer review activities .......................................... 135

Chapter 5: Knowing how to use advice.................................................. 140

U n i t 2 : E v a l u a t i o n & R e v i e w

Chapter 6: Practicing everything ......................................................... 150

Chapter 7: Long and short term results ................................................. 159

Chapter 8: Reviewing periodically ....................................................... 161

B i b l i o g r a p h y ........................................................................ 164

A p p e n d i c e s

A p p e n d i x A : P r i n c i p l e s f o r d e s i g n i n g c o g n i t i v e

a p p r e n t i c e s h i p e n v i r o n m e n t s . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 6 6

A p p e n d i x B : E s s a y s . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 6 7

A p p e n d i x C : P e e r r e v i e w a c t i v i t i e s . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 9 6

I n t r o d u c t i o n

Foreword

Peer review at the English Language Center

Many teachers use peer review. At the English Language Center (ELC), 20

writing teachers were surveyed about their use of peer review, and 19 use it

regularly in their classes. They think that peer review of student writing is

moderately to extremely useful and highly beneficial in a number of areas.

However, many of the teachers are not fully satisfied with the use of peer

review. Many teachers use it, but feel that it is not as effective as it could be.

Only one teacher of those surveyed does not use peer review. This teacher

said, “I haven’t done it yet because the training to get me ready for [it] is

taking way, way, way too much time. I don’t want to do it if it isn’t done

right!”

Preparing students for peer review

Research suggests that training, or preparation, is very important to the

effectiveness and success of peer review. The teachers at the ELC seem to

know this; all of them indicated that the amount and type of preparation done

in class can influence the effectiveness of peer review. However, it seems that

the teachers don’t quite know what and how to prepare. When asked about

peer review preparation in the classroom, one teacher said, “I am having a

hard time with this!” while another said that getting more help and

information about preparing for peer review, “…is necessary, I think!”

Furthermore, all of the teachers reported that they want or need more

information and materials about preparing their students for peer review.

Helping teachers help themselves

Mark Wolfersberger, Writing Skill Area Supervisor at the ELC, said, “I think if

you provide the teachers with quality information, they can make an informed

decision about what, how, and how much time to spend on training” (2003).

This guidebook hopes to answer the questions, including what, how, how much

time. It also aims to help teachers find out how to prepare students for peer

review and how to do it right.

Objectives

The terminal objective is to prepare students to perform more effective peer

review. This can be achieved through the following:

 Creating a comfortable classroom environment

 Building social skills

 Increasing learner autonomy

 Building critical reading and writing skills

 Teaching appropriate language (negotiation) skills for peer review

 Modeling and practicing effective peer review

 Teaching good revision strategies

 Explaining how peer review can help with revision.

 Evaluating progress and setting long term performance goals

 Reviewing skills as needed during the semester

How to use this guidebook

These materials are based on a methodology called cognitive apprenticeship.

Collins, Brown, and Holum (1991) explain that the in a cognitive

apprenticeship, the teacher’s goal is to help the students understand and

utilize the thinking processes involved in a learning activity, primarily the

cognitive processes used by experts within the field. This is accomplished

through methods such as modeling, scaffolding, reflection, sequencing global

skills before local skills, increasing complexity and diversity of tasks, and

cooperative learning. For a more complete explanation of these methods, see

appendix D.

This book contains a series of mini-lessons designed to be integrated into the

normal semester curriculum. The book consists of two units. The first unit

includes the five (5) mini-lessons, which are arranged by topic with increasing

complexity. The second unit includes criteria and methodology for evaluating

students’ performance of peer review.

The instruction is most effective if all the mini-lessons are taught and in the

correct order because of their increasing complexity and sequencing global

skills before local ones. They should also be taught as an integral part of the

curriculum.

Each chapter has three sections: objectives and suggested procedure, activities

and materials, and lesson plans.

Suggested course calendar

Calendars are given for four day work week and five day work week. The lesson

plans in this book are based on a four day school week.

For a four day school week:

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Day One

Chapter 1:

Knowing each

other—Teamwork

building

Day Two

Chapter 1

continued:

Knowing each

other—

Forming peer

groups

Day Three

Chapter 2:

Knowing what to look

for

Day Four

Chapter 3:

Knowing why to

give advice

Day Five

Chapter 4 :

Knowing how to

give advice

Part one: Being a

good peer reviewer

Day Six

Chapter 4:

Knowing how to

give advice

Part two: Using

peer review

activities

Day Seven

Chapter 5:

Knowing how to use

advice

Day Eight

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Nine

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Ten

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

The rest of the

semester

Refer to Chapters 7

and 8 as needed

Midsemester

Chapter 8

For a five day school week:

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday

Day One

Chapter 1:

Knowing each

other—

Teamwork

building

Day Two

Chapter 1

continued:

Knowing each

other—

Forming peer

groups

Day Three

Chapter 2:

Knowing what to

look for

Day Four

Chapter 2

continued:

Knowing what

to look for

Day Five

Chapter 3:

Knowing why

to give advice

Day Six

Chapter 4 :

Knowing how

to give advice

Part one

Day Seven

Chapter 4 :

continued

Knowing how

to give advice

Part one

Day Eight

Chapter 4:

Knowing how to

give advice

Part two

Day Nine

Chapter 5:

Knowing how

to use advice

Day Ten

Chapter 5:

Knowing how

to use advice

Day Eleven

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Twelve

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Thirteen

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

The rest of the

semester

Refer to

Chapters 7 and

8 as needed

Midsemester

Chapter 8

C h a p t e r 1

K n o w i n g e a c h o t h e r :

T e a m w o r k B u i l d i n g

Goal & Objectives

The goal is to create a comfortable classroom environment conducive to active student learning and

effective peer review. Students must feel safe before they can learn.

To accomplish this, the teacher should help students

 Get to know and trust each other

 Build social skills, especially among cultures

 Increase learning autonomy

Experts’ Advice

Berg (1999a)

“Create a comfortable classroom atmosphere that promotes trust among

students by conducting a number of in- and out-of-class, get-to-know-you

activities. My own experience has shown that the better students get to know

each other, the more comfortable they will feel working together” (p.21).

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Day One

Chapter 1:

Knowing each

other—Teamwork

building

Day Two

Chapter 1

continued:

Knowing each

other—

Forming peer

groups

Day Three

Chapter 2:

Knowing what to look

for

Day Four

Chapter 3:

Knowing why to

give advice

Day Five

Chapter 4 :

Knowing how to

give advice

Part one: Being a

good peer reviewer

Day Six

Chapter 4:

Knowing how to

give advice

Part two: Using

peer review

activities

Day Seven

Chapter 5:

Knowing how to use

advice

Day Eight

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Nine

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Ten

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

The rest of the

semester

Refer to Chapters 7

and 8 as needed

Midsemester

Chapter 8

Liu and Hansen (2002)

“Forming groups is not stress free. Multiple tensions exist between individual

autonomy and fusion with the group…A group needs to be able to establish

patterns that it feels comfortable with, and this pattern needs to be visible”

(p. 66-69).

Nelson and Murphy (1992)

“…an unsupportive social climate…can lead to defensiveness or withdrawal.”

Students need to “establish trust and commitment, to develop collaborative

skills for critiquing drafts in a way that is not negative, and to learn needed

social and listening skills.”

In addition, “…shift[ing] group membership periodically to mix the composition

of groups. Shifting group membership may discourage the development of

negative roles in one group because individuals will be working with…a variety

of classmates over time” (p. 188-189).

Suggested Procedure

There are four steps to the procedure, which are listed below. Choose from the activities and materials

included on the following pages to help implement this

procedure.

Step One: Play “get-to-know-you” games, and orient the students to group

work.

 Activity A: Question & Answer

 Activity B: Interests survey

 Activity C: Storytelling

Step Two: Get student input for creating groups and form “long-term” peer

groups of students who work well together.

 Activity D: Lookout

 Activity E: Group requests

 Activity F: Forming groups

Step Three: Help build unity, cooperation, and rapport within peer groups

through team-building activities.

 Activity G: Group name, roles, & poster

Step Four: Continue to build rapport through daily games and team activities.

 Activity H: The daily warm-up game

Activity A: Question & Answer

Adapted from Broderick (2002).

Objectives

The goals are to learn about each other and have fun. In addition, the teacher

can begin noticing who might work well together in long term peer groups, as

well as assessing listening/speaking competency.

Preparation before class

Copy the questions onto many different colors of paper. Cut the papers into

question strips. Put the strips in a bag, box, or basket.

In class

Put the students into groups. Give each group a bag of questions. They should

take turns drawing a question and answering it.

Time

15 minutes

Evaluation

Each student must tell one thing he or she learned about the people in the

group. They demonstrate that they learned something and everyone gets to

know something about everyone.

Time

5 to 10 minutes

Questions

1. Are you married?

If so, do you have

children?

2. What is your

favorite sport?

3. Explain one of

your hobbies.

4. Have you ever

served in the

military? What did

you do?

5. What do you like

best/least about

this city?

6. Tell about your

country.

7. What do you want

to do most while

you are in the

United States?

8. What is your

favorite food or

restaurant?

9. Tell about your

favorite vacation.

10. Do you play a

musical

instrument?

11. What do you like

to do on the

weekends?

12. Do you like any

American foods?

If so, what do you

like?

13. Do you do martial

arts, like karate,

kung-fu, and tae-

kwon-do?

14. What is your

favorite book, and

why?

15. How do you

celebrate

birthdays in your

country?

16. Do you work now?

Where do you

work?

17. Who do you like

better: Han Solo

or Indiana Jones?

18. What did you do

last semester?

19. What is your

favorite movie,

and why do you

like it?

20. What are you

going to do next

semester?

21. Do you have a

career already?

What is it? If not,

what do you want

to do?

22. Why are you

studying English?

23. Who is your

favorite

actor/actress, and

why?

24. What is your

favorite animal?

Activity B: Interests Survey

Adapted from Klippel (1984).

Objectives

The goals are to learn about each other and have fun. In addition, the teacher

can begin noticing who might work well together in long term peer groups, and

assessing reading/writing competency.

Preparation before class

Familiarize yourself with the activity sheet. Make enough copies of it for your

class.

In class

Give the students about 5 to 7 minutes to fill in the worksheet. Then give them

another 5 minutes to compare their answers with a partner or small group.

Time

10 to 15 minutes

Evaluation

Have students report which answers were the same and different. Then collect

the worksheets. Use the answers from questions to better understand the

students’ needs and expectations.

Time

3 to 5 minutes

Interests Survey

Read all the questions and answers carefully. Circle your favorite activity. For

example:

Which homework activity do you like best?

a. Reading

b. Writing

c. Listening

d. Speaking

e. Grammar

Survey Questions

1. What would you like to do

tonight?

a. Go to the movies

b. Play a game with your

friends

c. Go out to dinner

d. Do homework

e. Go to bed early—at 8:00

2. How do you study the best?

a. By reading out loud

b. Doing the same thing over

and over

c. Talking with someone else

d. Taking a lot of notes

e. Listening to music while

you study

3. How would you spend a million

dollars?

a. Traveling

b. Save it or invest it

c. House, cars, clothes

d. Donate it to charity

e. Pay off your debts

4. What is the quality your friends

like most about you?

a. Honesty

b. Cheerfulness

c. Reliability

d. Generosity

e. Willingness to listen and

help

5. What you would like to study?

a. Art

b. Math

c. Science

d. Philosophy

e. Literature

6. What makes you the most

nervous?

a. Getting praise in front of

others

b. Being in a large crowd

c. Meeting a boy (girl)

friend’s family for the

first time

d. People laughing at you

e. Seeing someone cry

After you finish, compare your answers with your group members.

 What do you all have in common?

 What do you all have different?

 What have you learned about each other?

Activity C: Storytelling

Adapted from Thornley-Brown (2000) from the Spice of the Month virtual

newsletter. (c) The Training Oasis, Inc, 2000. Used with permission.

http://www3.sympatico.ca/ thetrainingoasis/mayspice.htm.

(905) 887-5224.

Objectives

The goals are to learn about each other, realize there is a support group for

their culture shock problems, and have fun. In addition, the teacher can begin

noticing who might work well together in long term peer groups, as well as

assessing writing, listening, and speaking competency.

Preparation before class

Prepare several colorful but unfinished posters. There should be four to eight

posters per class. Each poster should have a heading, either “horror story” or

“success story,” and a subheading that identifies an area that could increase

culture shock (such as buying groceries, riding the bus, or living with

roommates). Take the unfinished posters and some markers to class.

In class

Divide the class into pairs, or small groups. Give each a topic. Ask participants

to identify horror (or success) stories from their experiences in the United

States on their topics. (You may need to define horror and success.)

First, they should tell each other about their experiences. Then they must

create a group story, combining their experiences into one story.

Then give each group their poster and some markers. On the poster, they must:

 write an amusing title for the story

 list 2- 4 short details in the story

 draw an illustration.

Time

15 to 20 minutes

Evaluation

Each group must present their poster and tell their story to the class (3 to 5 minutes

each).

Time

15 to 25 minutes

Example Posters

Success Story

Living with roommates

Horror Story

Living with roommates

Activity D: Lookout

Objectives

The goal is to observe which students work well together in the hopes of

forming good long term peer groups.

Preparation before class

Use notecards to keep notes about each student, one student per card. Either

have the students write personal information on the cards, or write information

as you observe the students through the various first day activities. When it is

time to form groups, use the cards as “placeholders” to guide decision making.

In class

During the first day, or few days, observe the students carefully. Who gets

along well, who doesn’t get along, and who gets along too well? Start planning

who should be together in the peer groups, and who should be separated.

Evaluation

There is no immediate form of evaluation. This phase is evaluated after you

form the long-term peer evaluation groups and they have been working

together for a while. When all is said and done, do the group members work

well together?

Activity E: Group Requests: Student Input

Objectives

The goal is to form good long-term peer evaluation groups where the students

feel comfortable. These groups often work best when the students feel like

they have an investment in the group. Therefore, it can be helpful to ask for

student input before forming the groups.

Preparation before class

Either make a group request form for each student, or know what you want

them to write on their own piece of paper.

In class

Have the students write the names of two people they want to work with, and

the name of one person they don’t want to work with. They can write “I don’t

know” or “I don’t care.” Make sure they know that they will be in the group for

at least one month before changing to new groups.

Evaluation

There is no immediate form of evaluation. This phase is evaluated after you

form the long-term peer evaluation groups and they have been working

together for a while.

Activity F: Forming Peer Groups

Objectives

The goal is to form good long-term peer review groups where the students feel

comfortable.

Preparation before class

It works well to plan the groups before class. Form the groups using your

observations and students’ suggestions (optional) from activity E. It is possible

to get student suggestions and form groups during class on the same day if

desired.

Advice for forming groups

Number of group members

The magic number is often three—if there are only two people in the groups,

they are too small. Groups with four people are ok, but they often pair off and

become groups of two within a group of four. However, in a group of three, the

students have to interact a lot. In the end, they work together much better.

Dangers of groups of friends

It is a good idea to separate friends who talk a lot during class. It is ok to put

friends together as long as they can work and be respectful. Definitely separate

people who don’t like each other.

Ethnicity and gender and marital status of group members

It is good to separate native language groups as much as possible.

Often males only want to be with males. Sometimes, at least at the beginning

of the semester, it is ok honor that request if you want. (By the middle of the

semester, the students should be able to work with the opposite gender). If a

student seems to be overly flirtatious, you may want to keep him/her only with

his/her own gender.

Often people who are married and have children like being with their peers—

literally.

In class

(Optional) At the beginning of class, do activity E and get the students’ input.

Then have the students do an activity while you look at their requests. You can

alter your plans if you wish, based on the group requests.

Give the students their group assignments, and have them move to sit with

their new group.

Time

5 to 20 minutes

Evaluation

Sometimes students act excited or upset when they find out their group

assignment, but usually the complaints soon blow over. Evaluate the groups

over time: do the group members work well together?

New groups

After 4 to six weeks, do the whole process over again and change groups. Some

groups may ask to stay together, and you could let them if you wish.

Activity G: Group Names, Roles, Posters

Objectives

The goal is to help build unity, cooperation, and rapport within peer groups

through team-building activities.

Preparation before class

Bring poster paper and markers.

In class

These activities should be accomplished in a short amount of time for a good

reason. Some of these decisions are hard for students to make. It doesn’t

matter how long a time they talk, they still won’t decide until the last second.

So don’t waste time. Also, some students are competitive, and will become

more argumentative with more time. The shorter the time, the more the real

leadership qualities will emerge.

 First, give the group members five minutes to come up with a group name.

 Second, give them five minutes to elect a group leader. Explain that the

leader needs to be someone who can include everyone and help all the

member of the group participate in activities. Some groups will have

problems; you may have to give them some democratic options, like

elections, secret ballot voting, or paper, rock, scissors. After five minutes,

find out who the leaders are.

 Third, give the groups another five minutes to establish other group roles,

such as speaker, vice president, or secretary. Make sure you define the

responsibilities for each role. The leader could appoint members to fill the

roles, they could volunteer, or they could vote. After five minutes, make

sure each group member knows his/her role and responsibilities.

 Fourth, give the groups paper (or poster board) and markers. Give them 10

to 15 minutes to make a group poster. The poster must include their group

name, the names of the group members, and a picture or symbol that

represents their group.

When time is up, each group must present their poster to the class, explain

why they chose the name, and explain the picture or symbol.

Put the posters on display in the classroom

Time

25 to 30 minutes

Evaluation

Throughout the semester, hold them accountable for their group roles. As you

play games and do other activities, make sure have things for the leaders to

lead, for the speakers to speak, and so forth.

Activity H: The Daily Warm Up Game

Adapted from Seay (1987).

Objectives

The goal is to build unity, cooperation, and rapport within peer groups through

daily team-building activities. Also, this is a great way to teach grammar and peer

editing.

Game Rules

 First, the students should sit with their groups in class everyday.

 Second, when the bell rings to start class, they have one or two minutes

to write as many correct sentences as possible that follow a certain rule

that the teacher dictates, such as the sentence must be SVO, the

subject must be a proper noun, the verb must be simple present tense,

and the object must be a prepositional phrase, and they must have

punctuation.

 Third, when time is up, the students trade papers within their groups to

correct and tally the total number of correct sentences. They get one

point for each correct sentence. The teacher should monitor the groups

to make sure they don’t accidentally forget what a correct sentence is.

Have them explain to their teammates why the wrong sentences are

wrong. This process should take two to three minutes.

 Fourth, the teacher collects the group totals for the day and adds them

to the running totals.

 Fifth, the teacher explains the rules for the game for the next day, and

models examples on the board. This explanation usually takes five to

ten minutes.

Time

10 to 15 minutes at the beginning of class every day

100

Preparation before class

Choose the rule for what the students will write for the game. (See below).

Start out with easy rules. As the semester progresses, change only one thing at

a time. Sometimes the class might spend several days repeating the same rule,

and sometimes the rules might change frequently, depending on how quickly

the students understand and perform the assigned task.

Getting started (the first day)

First, explain how to play the game. Then explain the first rule. Model correct

sentences on the board. Have the students practice the game two or three

times. Then explain how to score the game. Make sure they know what to do

when the bell rings the next day. It may help to not only explain and model the

game and rule, but the students may need simulated practice: Pretend the bell

just rang, starting class, and they have two minutes to write sentences (or

word lists) according to the rule.

Adapting to proficiency level

Low levels

Instead of sentences, start out by writing lists of words, like count nouns, non-

count nouns, irregular past tense verbs, etc. As the students’ vocabulary and

capability expands, start writing simple sentences.

Mid levels

Start with simple sentences: Simple verb tenses, simple subjects, etc.

Gradually increase the complexity to compound and complex sentences,

phrasal verbs, compound subjects, verbs, and objects, direct and indirect

objects, prepositional phrases, and gerunds.

High levels

Start with simple sentences and quickly increase complexity (see above). In

addition, include various clause structures, as well as difficult object forms,

verb tenses, and subjects.

Evaluation

If it seems like everyone understood the sentence structure and performed

well, move on to the next structure. If the students don’t understand, repeat

the structure until they do, but probably not more than 4 times or they will get

really bored and frustrated.

This is a surprising way to see what groups are working well together and which

aren’t. Often the first and second pace groups are the ones that work well

together, the middle group(s) are ok, and the last place group is the

dysfunctional one.

When it is time to change groups, around midsemester, the group with the

highest total wins.

101

Prizes

One option is to give extra credit as prizes. First, divide the running total for

each group by the number of group members, finding the average total per

person per group. This compensates for uneven numbers of team members.

(For example, if the Tigers have 356 points and four people in the group, their

average is 89. The Hold-ons have 279 points and three people in the group, and

their average is 93. The Hold-ons have more points per person than the Tigers,

so they win.) The first place group gets 25 points of extra credit, the second

place group gets 20 points, the third place group gets 15 points, and so on.

After Midsemester

Change groups and start the game over with the new groups.

Example Lesson Plans

This procedure is modeled here in a two day plan (pp. 17-18). The first day is spent on the first step

of the procedure listed above. The second day is spent on the second and third steps. The fourth step

should be achieved through daily or frequent activities throughout the term.

Day One

Step One: Play “get-to-know-you” games.

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Day One

Chapter 1:

Knowing each

other—Teamwork

building

Day Two

Chapter 1

continued:

Knowing each

other—

Forming peer

groups

Day Three

Chapter 2:

Knowing what to look

for

Day Four

Chapter 3:

Knowing why to

give advice

Day Five

Chapter 4 :

Knowing how to

give advice

Part one: Being a

good peer reviewer

Day Six

Chapter 4:

Knowing how to

give advice

Part two: Using

peer review

activities

Day Seven

Chapter 5:

Knowing how to use

advice

Day Eight

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Nine

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Ten

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

The rest of the

semester

Refer to Chapters 7

and 8 as needed

Midsemester

Chapter 8

102

Preparation before class

Terminal Objectives

 Create comfortable classroom environment

 Observe who works well together for forming groups later

 Orient the students to group work

Enabling Objectives

 Learn about each other—names, countries, family, etc.

 Do group/pair work

 Change or combine groups/partners at least two times during the class

Activities

 Activity A: Q&A

 Activity B: Interests survey

Materials

 Copies of the worksheets.

 Stuff to introduce yourself to the students, i.e. Pictures or hobbies.

In class

Section of lesson plan Activity Time

Warm Up (Daily Routine

Activity)

 N/A

0 minutes

Announcements

 Class name and

teacher name

1-2 minutes

Continue (review)

previous lesson

 N/A

0 minutes

Introduce New lesson  Introduce yourself

(teacher) to the

students. Show

pictures if desired.

5 to 10 minutes

Guided practice

 Activity B

 Activity A

15 to 20 minutes

20 to 30 minutes

Evaluation  N/A 0 minutes

Contingency

 Play more games or

talk more

As needed

Homework  Remember names

Total Time Approx 65 minutes

Day Two

103

Step Two: Get student input for creating groups and form “long-term” peer

groups of students who work well together, and Step Three: Help build unity,

cooperation, and rapport within peer groups through team-building activities.

Preparation before class

Terminal Objectives

 Form functional peer groups

 Build team identity and unity

Enabling Objectives

 Get student input for forming groups

 Form groups

 Teams will choose team names, leaders, and participate in teamwork

building activities.

Activities

 Activity E: Group request form

 Activity A: Question & Answer—Modified

 Activity F: Forming peer groups

 Activity G: Group name, roles, & poster

 Activity H: Daily warm-up game

Materials

 Poster paper

 Markers

 Questions for Activity A

In class

Section of lesson plan Activity Time

Warm Up (Daily Routine

Activity)

 N/A

0 minutes

Announcements

 N/A

0 minutes

Continue (review)

previous lesson

 N/A

0 minutes

Introduce New lesson  Activity E 5 minutes

Activity

 Students do activity

A—without the

evaluation section of

the activity.

 Teacher does Activity

F (form the peer

groups)

10 minutes

 Activity F—assign 5 minutes

104

them to their groups

Guided practice

 Activity G 30 minutes

Introduce Game

 Explain and practice

Activity H

15 minutes

Evaluation

 N/A 0 minutes

Contingency

 Play more games or

talk more

As needed

Homework  Remember names

Total Time Approx 65 minutes

Chapter 1 Review

 “…the better students get to know each other, the more comfortable they will feel working

together.”

 “…groups often work best when the students feel like they have an

investment in the group.”

 Build “rapport within peer groups…” and “teach grammar and peer

editing” without overemphasizing grammar and editing.

105

C h a p t e r 2

K n o w i n g w h a t

t o l o o k f o r

Goal & Objectives

The goal is to build critical reading and writing skills to enable students to evaluate essays—both their

own and others. To accomplish this, the teacher should help students

 Understand paragraph structure

 Understand paper structure

Experts’ Advice

Flynn (1982)

Students abilities to evaluate critically and well would improve if they were taught the rhetorical

structures and genres used in essays.

Chenoweth (1987)

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Day One

Chapter 1:

Knowing each

other—Teamwork

building

Day Two

Chapter 1

continued:

Knowing each

other—

Forming peer

groups

Day Three

Chapter 2:

Knowing what to look

for

Day Four

Chapter 3:

Knowing why to

give advice

Day Five

Chapter 4 :

Knowing how to

give advice

Part one: Being a

good peer reviewer

Day Six

Chapter 4:

Knowing how to

give advice

Part two: Using

peer review

activities

Day Seven

Chapter 5:

Knowing how to use

advice

Day Eight

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Nine

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Ten

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

The rest of the

semester

Refer to Chapters 7

and 8 as needed

Midsemester

Chapter 8

106

Because unskilled ESL writers see revision as error correction, they need to be

taught how to focus on revising global issues of their writing.

Stanley (1992)

“Students who received coaching [looked] at each other’s writing more closely

and [offered] the writers more specific guidelines for revision” (p. 91).

Suggested Procedure

There are three steps to the procedure, which are listed below. Choose from the activities and materials

included on the following pages to help implement this procedure. Essays that could be used in these

activities are included in appendix B.

Step One: Teach main idea and detail to provide sufficient scaffolding for the

students to learn how to write and evaluate essays in English. This also helps

build knowledge about global issues of writing before teaching local ones.

 Activity I: Main idea & Detail

Step Two: Teach paper and paragraph organization (structure). Begin

increasing the complexity of the information as well as modeling how good

essays should be organized.

 Activity J: Papers & paragraphs

Step Three: Evaluate essays. Identify parts of the essays. Evaluate the

examples to find problems. Model how to fix errors in organization.

 Activity K: Evaluating and problem solving

Activity I: Main Idea & Detail

Objectives

The goal is to understand the basic building blocks of essay organization.

Preparation before class

Select some essays from appendix B.

In class

First, explain that the main idea is what the whole thing is about, and the

details are specific pieces of information that explain more about the main

idea.

Second, illustrate this concept in an abstract example, such as a drawing or

flowchart. The main idea is a point at the top, and the details are multiple

lines connected to the main idea hanging below it.

107

Time

5 to 10 minutes

Third, use one paragraph or essay to model this concept.

Time

5 to 10 minutes

Evaluation

Give the students one more essay (an easy one!) and have them evaluate it on

their own.

Time

5 to 10 minutes

Activity J: Papers & Paragraphs

Objectives

The goal is to help students recognize main ideas and details in essays.

Students should be able to identify parts of an essay.

Preparation before class

Copy the handout, if desired.

In class

Use the previous activity as scaffolding to teach the students about essays and

paragraph organization. Use the essays from the previous activity to bridge the

gap.

First, teach and show the students that the main idea of the essay is the thesis

statement and the details of an essay are in the body paragraphs.

Second, teach the students about paragraphs: The main idea is the topic

sentence and the details are the rest of the sentences in the body paragraphs.

Third, go over the handout, if desired.

Time

5 to 10 minutes

Handout

The Essay

Introduction

 Ideas go from general to specific

 No details

 Thesis Statement (main idea of the paper)

108

Evaluation

Have the students reexamine the previous essays and label the parts of the

essays and paragraphs.

Time

5 to 10 minutes

Topic Sentence

(main idea of the

paragraph)

Details

 Detail 1 You might have more

 Detail 2 than three details.

 Detail 3

Conclusion sentence

Topic Sentence

(main idea of the

paragraph)

Details

 Detail 1 You might have more

 Detail 2 than three details.

 Detail 3

Conclusion sentence

109

Activity K: Evaluating and Problem Solving

Objectives

The goal is to begin practicing for peer review. This is accomplished by

evaluating essays, and fixing problems with the organization. Try to get the

students to look closely at the global structural errors and help them to begin

to give specific suggestions for revising an essay’s structure.

Preparation before class

Obtain and copy at least four essays; two examples are given here, and more

are included in appendix B. Decide how the students are going to do this

activity. They could underline and label the parts, fill in a chart, or cut up the

essays.

Example essay 1

An Unforgettable Travel Experience

(Sokmen andMackey, 1998, p. 30).

[1] My trip to the United States was a terrible experience, one that I will never

forget! My first problem was the food on the airplane. I am a vegetarian, and

there was almost nothing for me to eat for almost twenty-four hours. I didn't

realize that you could order special meals in advance for an airplane trip.

[2] I had arranged everything through a travel agent in my country.

Unfortunately, I only told the travel agent, “I’m going to the University of

Washington.” She didn't know much about the United States. I was supposed to

go to Seattle, Washington. Instead, I arrived in Washington, D.C. Can you

imagine how I felt?

[3] The next day I was able to fly to Seattle. However, I had to change planes

in Chicago, and my suitcases didn't arrive in Seattle on my plane. As a result, I

had no extra clothes and no toothbrush for the first days!

[4] I went to the hotel where I had reservations, but there was no longer a

room for me because I was a day late. When I called the university, I started

crying. I felt like going back home!

Answer Key

First, identify and evaluate the paragraphs. The essay currently has only body

paragraphs. The introduction is one sentence that was tacked on to the first

body paragraph. The conclusion is only two sentences that were tacked on to

the last body paragraph. Separate the essay into the correct paragraphs; there

are [6] of them.

Second, identify and evaluate the thesis statement, topic sentences, and

details. There is a good thesis statement in the introduction (in fact, that is all

110

there is!) Paragraphs [3], [4], and [5] need topic sentences similar to paragraph

[2]. For example, “My second problem was the ignorant travel agent that

helped me,” or, “My third problem was loosing my baggage.” The details are

fairly good. The conclusion needs a revised thesis statement.

Third, evaluate the length of the paragraphs. Paragraphs [1], [2], [4], [5], and

[6] need more information. Ask the students to supply details that would

complete the paragraphs appropriately.

Here is the revised essay:

[1] I have taken many vacations in my life. I have traveled by car and by

airplane. But my trip to the United States was a terrible experience, one that I

will never forget! It was really terrible!

[2] My first problem was the food on the airplane. I am a vegetarian, and there

was almost nothing for me to eat for almost twenty-four hours. I didn't realize

that you could order special meals in advance for an airplane trip. So I arrived

in the United States very hungry.

[3] My second problem was the ignorant travel agent that helped me. I had

arranged everything through a travel agent in my country. Unfortunately, I only

told the travel agent, “I’m going to the University of Washington.” She didn't

know much about the United States. I was supposed to go to Seattle,

Washington. Instead, I arrived in Washington, D.C. Can you imagine how I felt?

[4] My third problem was loosing my baggage. The next day I was able to fly to

Seattle. However, I had to change planes in Chicago, and my suitcases didn't

arrive in Seattle on my plane. As a result, I had no extra clothes and no

toothbrush for the first days! Now I was not only irritated, I was stinky.

[5] The last problem was with my hotel. I went to the hotel where I had

reservations, but there was no longer a room for me because I was a day late.

Now, on top of everything, I had nowhere to stay.

[6] When I called the university, I started crying. I felt like going back home!

This was definitely an unforgettable experience.

Example essay 2

Nonverbal Communication

(Sokmen and Mackey, 1998, p. 41).

[1] People talk a lot, but about 60 percent of all our communication is

nonverbal (without words). There are about 700,000 ways to communicate

nonverbally. For about a third of those ways we use our faces. Our eyes,

eyebrows, noses, mouths, and eyelids can say a lot. We also use at least 5,000

111

hand gestures. The third way we communicate nonverbally is through body

movement-the way we sit or stand, and even how far we stand from someone.

[2] Gestures have different purposes. They give instructions or warnings. For

example, if you hold up the palm of your hand toward someone, it means

“Don't come here!” or “Stay back!” Gestures also communicate warmth. A

smile means “I like you” or “Welcome.” A handshake says “Hello.” Finally,

body language, such as a thumb pointing down or a frown, can express negative

feelings.

[3] Although gestures are easy to make, they can be very confusing across

cultures. For example, in the United States, it's polite to look people in the eye

when you talk to them. This look says, “I am listening to you” and “I am

honest.” However, in many Asian countries, it is impolite to look someone in

the eye.

Answer Key

First, identify and evaluate the paragraphs. Again, the introduction is one

sentence that was included in the first body paragraph. But, in this essay,

there is no conclusion.

Second, identify and evaluate the thesis statement, topic sentences, and

details. The body paragraphs are fine, once the introduction sentence is

removed from the first one.

Third, evaluate the length of the paragraphs. In this example, the introduction

and conclusion need to be fixed (or added).

Here is the revised essay:

[1] Communication is important in every culture. We communicate in many

ways. One way is by talking. People talk a lot, but about 60 percent of all our

communication is nonverbal (without words). Perhaps nonverbal

communication is the most important.

[2] There are about 700,000 ways to communicate nonverbally. For about a

third of those ways we use our faces. Our eyes, eyebrows, noses, mouths, and

eyelids can say a lot. We also use at least 5,000 hand gestures. The third way

we communicate nonverbally is through body movement-the way we sit or

stand, and even how far we stand from someone.

[3] Gestures have different purposes. They give instructions or warnings. For

example if you hold up the palm of your hand toward someone, it means “Don't

come here!” or “Stay back!” Gestures also communicate warmth. A smile

means “I like you” or “Welcome.” A handshake says “Hello.” Finally, body

language, such as a thumb pointing down or a frown, can express negative

feelings.

112

[4] Although gestures are easy to make, they can be very confusing across

cultures. For example, in the United States, it's polite to look people in the eye

when you talk to them. This look says, “I am listening to you” and “I am

honest.” However, in many Asian countries, it is impolite to look someone in

the eye. Therefore, when you travel, be careful to use appropriate nonverbal

signs.

[5] In conclusion, although we communicate many different ways, nonverbal is

the most common and most important type of communication. It has different

methods and different purposes and different cultural significance. We should

do more to learn about nonverbal communication.

In class

Do at least one essay together in class.

First, identify the sections of the essay—i.e. introduction, thesis statement,

topic sentences, details, and conclusion.

Second, based on the identification, evaluate the essay for problems. Is

anything missing? Is the thesis statement the main idea of the whole paper? Are

the topic sentences the main ideas for each individual paragraph? Are the

paragraphs too long or too short? Etc.

Third, if there are missing thesis statements, topic sentences, conclusions,

etc., identify how to fix the problem.

Time

10 to 20 minutes

Have the students finish the remaining essays for homework.

Evaluation

This will probably need to be done as on the following class day.

First, have them compare answers within their groups. Then review the essays

as a class.

Most of the students will be able to notice that something is wrong, and many

of them will be able to explain what and why.

It is very important that they understand essay structure. Therefore, if most of

the class is confused, give them more essays and spend another day on this

topic. It is worth spending extra time to get this right.

Time

10 to 15 minutes

113

Example Lesson Plan

This procedure is modeled here in a one day plan with homework evaluated on the

following class day.

Day Three

Build critical reading and writing skills to enable students to evaluate essays.

Preparation before class

Terminal Objective

 Enable students to write and critically evaluate essays

Enabling Objectives

 Understand main idea and details

 Understand paper and paragraph structure

 Understand how to evaluate essays and suggest changes in global problems

Activities

 Activity I: Main idea and detail

 Activity J: Papers & Paragraphs

 Activity K: Evaluating & problem solving

Materials

 Copies of the worksheets.

 Copies of essays.

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Day One

Chapter 1:

Knowing each

other—Teamwork

building

Day Two

Chapter 1

continued:

Knowing each

other—

Forming peer

groups

Day Three

Chapter 2:

Knowing what to look

for

Day Four

Chapter 3:

Knowing why to

give advice

Day Five

Chapter 4 :

Knowing how to

give advice

Part one: Being a

good peer reviewer

Day Six

Chapter 4:

Knowing how to

give advice

Part two: Using

peer review

activities

Day Seven

Chapter 5:

Knowing how to use

advice

Day Eight

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Nine

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Ten

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

The rest of the

semester

Refer to Chapters 7

and 8 as needed

Midsemester

Chapter 8

114

In class

Section of lesson plan Activity Time

Warm Up (Daily Routine

Activity)

 Activity H

5 to 10 minutes

Announcements

 N/A

0 minutes

Continue (review)

previous lesson

 N/A

0 minutes

Introduce New lesson

 Activity I 15 to 30 minutes

Guided practice

 Activity J

 Start Activity K

10 to 20 minutes

Evaluation

 N/A 0 minutes

Contingency

 Activity K As needed

Homework  Activity K

Total Time Approx 65 minutes

Chapter 2 Review

 “…provide sufficient scaffolding for the students to learn how to write

and evaluate essays in English.”

 “Students should be able to identify parts of an essay.”

 “Students abilities to evaluate … would improve if they were taught the rhetorical structures

and genres used in essays.”

 “…help them begin to give specific suggestions for revising an essay’s

structure.”

115

Chapter 3

Knowing why to

give advice

Goal & Objectives

The goal is to help students understand the importance of revision and the role of peer evaluation as part

of the revision process.

To accomplish this, the teacher should help students

 Understand and be able to use the writing process

 Understand the role of revision in the writing process

 Understand the difference between revising and editing

 Recognize the various sources of feedback for revision, including their

peers

Experts’ Advice

Raimes (1998)

“Editing needs to be seen as distinct from revising” (p. 154).

Berg (1999a)

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Day One

Chapter 1:

Knowing each

other—Teamwork

building

Day Two

Chapter 1

continued:

Knowing each

other—

Forming peer

groups

Day Three

Chapter 2:

Knowing what to look

for

Day Four

Chapter 3:

Knowing why to

give advice

Day Five

Chapter 4 :

Knowing how to

give advice

Part one: Being a

good peer reviewer

Day Six

Chapter 4:

Knowing how to

give advice

Part two: Using

peer review

activities

Day Seven

Chapter 5:

Knowing how to use

advice

Day Eight

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Nine

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Ten

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

The rest of the

semester

Refer to Chapters 7

and 8 as needed

Midsemester

Chapter 8

116

“Establish the role of peer response in the writing process and explain the benefits of having peers, as

opposed to just teachers, respond to students’ writing” (p. 21).

Connor and Asenavage (1994)

“The concepts of revision at text-based and surface levels should be clarified in

both the teacher’s and the students’ minds” (p. 267).

Suggested Procedure

There are three steps to the procedure, which are listed below. Choose from the activities and materials

included on the following pages to help implement this procedure.

Step One: explain the writing process, emphasizing the difference between revising and editing.

 Activity L: The writing process

Step Two: identify sources of feedback the students can use to help with

revision.

 Activity M: Revision and feedback: Who can help?

Step Three: have students practice the first few steps of the writing process—

brainstorming through outlining.

 Activity N: Practice the process

Activity L: The Writing Process

Objectives

The goals are to model the thinking process of expert writers and to help the

students understand the role of peer review in that process.

Preparation before class

Copy the worksheet.

In class

First, bridge the gap between Activity K and Activity L. Ask: How do you write

good essays?

Time

5 minutes

Then overview the writing process. The students could read silently, discuss it

as a class, groups could be assigned to present different sections. No matter

how this is taught, emphasize the difference between revising and editing.

Time

5 to 15 minutes

Evaluation

Quiz: list the steps of the process.

Time

117

5 to 10 minutes

The Writing Process

1a.

Brainstorming

 Pick a topic and think of ideas.

 This may involve research.

1b.

Narrowing

 Only one topic per paper.

 Be specific!

 Be academic and professional.

Outlining

 This is a very important step.

 Because papers and paragraphs

are organized by main ideas and

details, outlining helps you

organize.

 Put your main ideas and details in

order.

3a.

Drafting/Revising

 You will have many drafts of your

papers.

 First, just write to get your ideas

on paper.

 Follow your outline!

 In later drafts, change (revise)

things.

 Add, delete, or move information.

 Fix the introduction, conclusion,

and vocabulary.

3b. Reviewing

 Reviewing helps you find what you

need to revise in your drafts.

 When you review, judge your

organization, thesis statement,

details, and all the parts of your

essay.

 Decide what to change and make a

plan for how to fix it.

 Sometimes other people can help

you review your work.

Editing

 After you have your essay’s

organization, details, and

vocabulary almost perfect, then

you are ready to look at the

grammar.

 You think grammar is very

important, but it isn’t.

 TWE says grammar will not count

unless your paper is hard to

understand.

Publishing

 Have someone else read your

paper.

 You could submit your essay to a

newspaper, publish it on the

Internet, put it up in the computer

lab, or just have a friend read it.

118

Activity M: Revision and feedback: Who can help?

Objectives

The goals are to help the students understand the role of feedback in the

writing process and sources of feedback.

Preparation before class

Bring examples of your own work that has been reviewed by peers (optional).

In class

Emphasize the difference between revising and editing, as well as the

importance of getting feedback to help revise essays. Ask the students to name

sources of feedback. The list could include teachers, tutors, themselves,

classmates, roommates, and friends.

Time

5 to 10 minutes

Evaluation

Individual reflection: have the students list the people or sources they think

they will use for feedback during the semester.

Time

5 to 10 minutes

Activity N: Practice the process

Objectives

The goals are to have the students review what they have learned about paper

and paragraph organization and practice the writing process, from

brainstorming to outlining. (They will practice with drafting, revising,

evaluating, and editing later in the semester.) This could be done in class, or

done as homework.

Preparation before class

Choose at least 4 topics. Copy worksheets if desired.

Example Topics

 Native country

 Food

 Holidays

 Family

In class

Give topics. Model first topic—do it together as a class.

Time

10 to 20 minutes

Then have the students do the other three on their own. If they don’t finish, or if time

runs out, have them do this as homework.

119

2 4

Blank Worksheet

Brainstorming and Narrowing

Outlining

Introduction (Thesis Statement)

First Topic Sentence

 Detail 1

 Detail 2

 Detail 3

Second Topic Sentence

 Detail 1

 Detail 2

 Detail 3

Third Topic Sentence

 Detail 1

 Detail 2

 Detail 3

Conclusion (Revised Thesis Statement)

120

Food

Pizza

Sushi

Kim

Chee

Japanese

Taste

good

Things

in it

fish

eggs

Sea

weed

rice

vegetables

chopsticks

Other

things

wasabi

eating

Completed Example

Brainstorming and Narrowing

Outlining

Introduction (Thesis Statement) There are many ingredients in sushi.

First Topic Sentence There are different fish in sushi.

 Detail 1

 Detail 2

 Detail 3

Second Topic Sentence There are many vegetables in sushi.

 Detail 1

 Detail 2

 Detail 3

Third Topic Sentence There are also other ingredients.

 Detail 1 rice

 Detail 2 sea weed wrapper

 Detail 3 egg

Conclusion (Revised Thesis St.) Sushi is made of many things.

121

Evaluation

Collect and evaluate their practice sheets. Look for detailed brainstorming and

outlining, with definite transfer of ideas from the brainstorm to the outline.

Look for thesis statements and topic sentences and details on topic. Especially

look for problems common to most of the class and review as needed!

Time

Variable

Example Lesson Plan

This procedure is modeled here in a one day plan (p. 32), with homework evaluated on the

following class day. This is the beginning of discussion about revision; the

discussion continues in chapter five.

Day Four

Help students understand the importance of revision and the role of peer evaluation as

part of the revision process.

Preparation before class

Terminal Objectives

 understand the role/importance of peer review

 practice what they have learned so far

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Day One

Chapter 1:

Knowing each

other—Teamwork

building

Day Two

Chapter 1

continued:

Knowing each

other—

Forming peer

groups

Day Three

Chapter 2:

Knowing what to look

for

Day Four

Chapter 3:

Knowing why to

give advice

Day Five

Chapter 4 :

Knowing how to

give advice

Part one: Being a

good peer reviewer

Day Six

Chapter 4:

Knowing how to

give advice

Part two: Using

peer review

activities

Day Seven

Chapter 5:

Knowing how to use

advice

Day Eight

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Nine

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Ten

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

The rest of the

semester

Refer to Chapters 7

and 8 as needed

Midsemester

Chapter 8

122

Enabling Objectives

 Understand the writing process

Activities

 Activity L: The Writing Process

 Activity M: Revision and Feedback: Who can help?

 Activity N: Practice the process

Materials

 Copies of the worksheets.

In class

Section of lesson plan Activity Time

Warm Up  Activity H 5 to 10 minutes

Announcements  N/A 0 minutes

Continue (review)

previous lesson

 Correct, or review

the homework

(Activity K). If the

students did not

understand, review

and evaluate a few

more sample essays.

It is worth spending

some extra time to

get Activity K right.

5 to 15 minutes

Introduce New lesson  Activity L

 Activity M

10 to 25 minutes

10 to 20 minutes

Guided practice  Start Activity N 10 to 20 minutes

Evaluation  N/A 0 minutes

Contingency  Continue activity N Ass needed

Homework  Activity N

Total Time Approx 65 minutes

Chapter 3 review

 “Establish the role of peer response in the writing process…”

 “Identify sources of feedback can use to help with

revision.”

123

Chapter 4

Knowing how to give advice

Part one: Being

a good peer reviewer

Goal & Objectives

The goal is to enable students to perform meaningful peer review in a tactful, helpful manner.

To accomplish this, the teacher should help students

 Understand their role as peer reviewers

 Understand communication strategies and vocabulary appropriate for performing peer

review.

 Understand the “rules” that govern good peer review.

Expert’s Advice

Berg (1999a)

“Address issues of vocabulary and expressions by comparing inappropriate comments

with appropriate ones” (p. 21).

She also recommends giving students guidelines, or rules, for responding to a peer’s

work, such as “be considerate of your classmate’s feelings” (p. 22).

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Day One

Chapter 1:

Knowing each

other—Teamwork

building

Day Two

Chapter 1

continued:

Knowing each

other—

Forming peer

groups

Day Three

Chapter 2:

Knowing what to look

for

Day Four

Chapter 3:

Knowing why to

give advice

Day Five

Chapter 4 :

Knowing how to

give advice

Part one: Being a

good peer reviewer

Day Six

Chapter 4:

Knowing how to

give advice

Part two: Using

peer review

activities

Day Seven

Chapter 5:

Knowing how to use

advice

Day Eight

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Nine

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Ten

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

The rest of the

semester

Refer to Chapters 7

and 8 as needed

Midsemester

Chapter 8

124

Suggested Procedure

There are three steps to the procedure, which are listed below. Choose from the activities and materials

included on the following pages to help implement this procedure.

Step One: help them understand their role as peer reviewers.

 Activity O: Rules for peer review

Step Two: distinguish between good and bad advice, and provide good

feedback strategies.

 Activity P: What to say

Step Three: practice giving constructive feedback using a few essays.

 Activity Q: Practice giving advice

Activity O: Rules for peer review

Adapted from Berg (1999a) and Venia (1987).

Objective

The goal is to help the students understand how to be a good peer reviewer.

Preparation before class

Make the list of rules into a poster, overhead, or individual copies.

Rules for good peer review

1. Read the essay carefully.

2. Remember to focus on the meaning and organization of the essay, not

grammar, spelling, or punctuation.

“You have to do more than fix the mistakes in a paragraph is you want to be a

good [helper]” (Venia, 1987, 9).

3. Give positive reinforcement. Tell the writer what you like and what he/she

did well.

4. Ask Questions! If there is something confusing, try to understand it.

5. Help the writer see how to change the paper to make it easier to

understand.

6. Be specific—Don’t just say “it is good.” Tell the writer what is good!

125

7. Do not lie.

8. Be nice.

In class

Go over the list of rules. Try to help the students understand their role: They

should read their peers’ essays and give helpful advice with the goal of helping

their peers (group members) improve the essays.

Time

10 to 15 minutes

Evaluation

N/A

Activity P: What to say

Adapted from Berg (1999a).

Objectives

To help the students understand the difference between appropriate and

inappropriate comments.

Preparation before class

Copy the example comments, or make an overhead.

Bad Peer Comments

 Your paper is pretty good.

 I don’t like your topic.

 Don’t write on that topic.

 You have many spelling and

grammar mistakes.

 Make your paragraph better.

 Your paragraph is not in good

order.

 You put ideas together like

crazy.

 This is stupid. You are stupid.

Bad Comments from the author

 What do you mean!!

 No! I talked about that, you just

didn’t understand.

 I disagree with you.

126

Good Peer Comments

 Your paper has a thesis

statement that is easy to

understand.

 You express your opinion clearly,

I can understand your opinion.

 I respect your opinion.

 You have great ideas, but you

need to organize them more

clearly. Rearrange what you

have. Put all the same ideas

together and separate it into

paragraphs.

 Remember that a paragraph

needs to be at least 5 sentences

long, and the sentences must be

on the same topic.

 You have only one sentence for

your introduction. What general

ideas could you add there to

make it better?

 Add more details to support your

topic sentences. For example,

you say that this is true, but

there are no examples that

support that idea.

 Add a conclusion. Remember to

restate your thesis and

summarize the main ideas.

 I really like your example. That

is very specific and it makes your

paper interesting.

In class

Start by asking the students how they want to be treated by teachers, tutors,

and their peers. Hopefully the students will generate a list of comments like,

“nice” or “helpful.”

Then ask them what they should say to each other when they are reviewing

each others’ essays. Generate a list of ideas.

Finally, go over the example comments.

Time

10 to 15 minutes

Evaluation

Have each group or individual write a list of open-ended comments that they

could use when they do peer review. Comments like: I like….I suggest….

Time

5 to 10 minutes

Activity Q: Practice giving advice

Objective

The goal is to have the students practice the things they just learned.

127

Preparation before class

Choose and copy a few essays for the students to review. Chose different ones

than they used in Chapter 2.

One example essay

Childhood memory

Pablo A.

I have one experience that I always remember, and I'll not forget never.

I was 9 years old and I was in third grade. My family decided to go to the beach

and stay there for Christmas time. I was really happy and excited about that

trip. I have family at the beach so we slept at my grand mother house. It is a

really nice house in front of the sea and there are a lot of things to do.

Anyway, I have like a cousin but she is not, we call her cousin because she is a

cousin of my cousin but between us, we are just friends, but anyway the thing

is that I liked that girl so much, so I didn't want to do anything embarrassing in

front of her.

At 12:00 pm my grandmother invited everybody to eat. The dinner was a big

chicken called pavo navideno, so I took my plate and my piece of chicken and I

walked to one room and everybody was in the living room and in the door of

that room there was a curtain. When I passed the curtain to go inside the piece

of chicken got tangled with the curtain and everybody began to laugh at me, I

didn't know where the chicken was so I began to say, “mom, where is my

chicken?” I guess that the chicken is alive and he flew.

Finally I didn't have any chance with that girl anymore. I think that right now

she thinks that I am a big stupid guy, just for one mistake when I was child.

Example Advice

I like the details about your family, the food, and what happened. They are very specific details and make

the story easier to understand.

I suggest adding information to the introduction. What was the experience? Why will you never forget it?

I recommend revising the topic sentences so they are more specific to the main idea of each paragraph.

I suggest revising the body paragraphs. Some of the details, like the location of the house and your

relationship with your cousin, seem like different ideas. Maybe you should have more paragraphs on those

topics or cut those details out of the essay.

In class

Do one essay together as a class, and then have the students do the others by

themselves. This might be a homework assignment.

128

Follow the rules given in Activity O and use the list of open-ended responses

generated in Activity P.

Encourage the students to

 focus on understanding the essays

 improving meaning and organization of the essays.

Time

20 to 30 minutes

Evaluation

Collect or discuss the comments they wrote about the other practice essays.

Look for appropriateness of comments and try to evaluate the level of

understanding. If the students are generally performing well, move on to the

next lesson. If they are not, spend more time practicing giving advice on other

essays.

Example Lesson Plan

This procedure is modeled here in a one day plan, with homework evaluated on the

following class day. This is the beginning of discussion about giving advice; the

discussion continues in part two of chapter four.

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Day One

Chapter 1:

Knowing each

other—Teamwork

building

Day Two

Chapter 1

continued:

Knowing each

other—

Forming peer

groups

Day Three

Chapter 2:

Knowing what to look

for

Day Four

Chapter 3:

Knowing why to

give advice

Day Five

Chapter 4 :

Knowing how to

give advice

Part one: Being a

good peer reviewer

Day Six

Chapter 4:

Knowing how to

give advice

Part two: Using

peer review

activities

Day Seven

Chapter 5:

Knowing how to use

advice

Day Eight

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Nine

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Ten

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

The rest of the

semester

Refer to Chapters 7

and 8 as needed

Midsemester

Chapter 8

129

Day Five

Enable students to perform meaningful peer review.

Preparation before class

Terminal Objective

 Prepare the students for peer review

Enabling Objectives

 Understand how to give advice

Activities

 Activity O: Rules for peer review

 Activity P: What to say

 Activity Q: Practice giving advice

Materials

 Copies of the worksheets.

 Essays

In class

Section of lesson plan Activity Time

Warm Up  Activity H 5 to 10 minutes

Announcements  N/A 0 minutes

Continue (review)

previous lesson

 Collect the homework

(Activity N).

5 minutes

Introduce New lesson

 Quick review of

Activity M (Who can

help?) and focus of

peers

5 minutes

Guided practice

 Activity O

 Activity P

 Activity Q

Approx 45 minutes

Evaluation  N/A 0 minutes

Contingency  Continue activity N As needed

Homework

 Activity Q

Total Time Approx 65 minutes

Chapter 4 Review

 “Distinguish between good and bad advice.”

130

Chapter 4

Knowing how to give advice

Part two: Using

peer review activities

Goal & Objectives

The goal is to enable students to perform meaningful peer review in a tactful, helpful manner using a

peer review activity.

To accomplish this, the teacher should

 Model how to respond to a peer’s paper through peer review activities.

 Show students how the communication strategies from the previous

chapter play out in a “real” peer review

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Day One

Chapter 1:

Knowing each

other—Teamwork

building

Day Two

Chapter 1

continued:

Knowing each

other—

Forming peer

groups

Day Three

Chapter 2:

Knowing what to look

for

Day Four

Chapter 3:

Knowing why to

give advice

Day Five

Chapter 4 :

Knowing how to

give advice

Part one: Being a

good peer reviewer

Day Six

Chapter 4:

Knowing how to

give advice

Part two: Using

peer review

activities

Day Seven

Chapter 5:

Knowing how to use

advice

Day Eight

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Nine

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Ten

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

The rest of the

semester

Refer to Chapters 7

and 8 as needed

Midsemester

Chapter 8

131

Expert’s Advice

Berg (1999a)

“Familiarize the students with the response sheet by showing samples and explaining its purpose as a tool

designed to help them focus on important areas of the writing assignment” (p. 21).

She also reminds teachers that those important areas of writing the peers need

to respond to are issues of meaning and organization. She says, “…peer

response does not concern grammar and spelling as much as it does

organization and whether the writer has explained his or her ideas in a way

that is easy and clear for others to understand” (p. 21).

McMurry (2004)

“Many teachers use grading-esque worksheet for peer review. This is counter productive! Students prefer

to respond as readers and not as critics or graders.

Have students respond as readers and not critics or graders.”

Suggested Procedure

There are two steps to the procedure, which are listed below. Choose from the activities and materials

included on the following pages to help implement this procedure.

Step One: model at least one peer review activity.

 Activity R: Advice in a peer review activity

Step Two: practice using peer review activities.

 Activity S: Practice doing a peer review activity

 Activity T: Role play—practice a peer review

Activity R: Advice in a peer review activity

Objective

The goal is to help the students understand how to use a rubric and be a good

peer reviewer.

Preparation before class

Familiarize yourself with the peer review activities in appendix B. Choose one

to model.

In class

132

Show the class at least one activity. Be sure to explain how the information

from the previous lessons fit into the activity. Remember to focus on the

meaning and organization of the essay, not grammar, spelling, or punctuation.

Time

10 to 15 minutes

Evaluation

N/A

Activity S: Practice doing a peer review activity

Objective

The goal is to help the students practice peer review during an activity.

Preparation before class

Familiarize yourself with the peer review activities in appendix B. Choose one

to use. Then copy two example essays for them to review.

In class

Explain the activity and give the students the essays. Have them individually

review both essays.

Time

10 to 15 minutes

Evaluation

After they are done, have them compare answers within their groups. Finally

come to a consensus as a class about these essays.

Time

10 to 15 minutes

Activity T: Role Play—practice a peer review

Objectives

The goals are to help the students practice peer review using a rubric and to

practice receiving advice.

Preparation before class

Familiarize yourself with the peer review activities in appendix B. Choose one

to use. Then copy two example essays for them to review.

In class

Explain the activity and give the students the essays. Have them individually

review both essays.

Time

10 to 15 minutes

After the students review both of the example essays…

133

Option One: Have them get into partners within their peer groups. One

member of the pair will pretend he/she wrote the first essay and the other

member will pretend he/she wrote the second essay. Then the students role

play giving and receiving advice like it were a real peer review.

Option Two: Role play peer review as a class. First, the students collectively

pretend they wrote one of the essays, and the teacher gives feedback. Next,

the teacher pretends he/she wrote the other essay and the students give

advice.

Time

10 to 15 minutes

Evaluation

N/A

Example Lesson Plan

This procedure is modeled here in a one day plan, with homework evaluated on the

following class day. This is the continuation of discussion about giving advice

which started in part one of chapter four.

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Day One

Chapter 1:

Knowing each

other—Teamwork

building

Day Two

Chapter 1

continued:

Knowing each

other—

Forming peer

groups

Day Three

Chapter 2:

Knowing what to look

for

Day Four

Chapter 3:

Knowing why to

give advice

Day Five

Chapter 4 :

Knowing how to

give advice

Part one: Being a

good peer reviewer

Day Six

Chapter 4:

Knowing how to

give advice

Part two: Using

peer review

activities

Day Seven

Chapter 5:

Knowing how to use

advice

Day Eight

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Nine

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Ten

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

The rest of the

semester

Refer to Chapters 7

and 8 as needed

Midsemester

Chapter 8

134

Day Six

Enable students to perform meaningful peer review in a peer review activity.

Preparation before class

Terminal Objective

 Prepare the students for peer review

Enabling Objectives

 Understand how to use a rubric

Activities

 Activity R: Advice in a rubric

 Activity S: Practice using a rubric

 Activity T: Role Play

Materials

 Copies of the worksheets

 Essays and peer review activities

In class

Section of lesson plan Activity Time

Warm Up  Activity H 5 to 10 minutes

Announcements  N/A 0 minutes

Continue (review)

previous lesson

 Collect the homework

(Activity Q).

5 minutes

Introduce New lesson

 Activity R

15 minutes

Guided practice

 Activity S

 Activity T

Approx 40 minutes

Evaluation  N/A 0 minutes

Contingency  Continue activity T As needed

Homework

 N/A

Total Time Approx 65 minutes

Chapter 4 review

 “peer response does not concern grammar and spelling as much s it does

organization and… [explaining ideas]...”

135

Chapter 5

Knowing how to use advice

Goal & Objectives

The goal is to help students bridge the gap from peer review to making effective revisions in the paper.

To accomplish this, the teacher should

 Remember the role of revision (and peer comments) in the writing

process

 Understand how to evaluate and use peer review comments

 Understand revision strategies

 Adequately revise their work

Expert’s Advice

Berg (1999b)

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Day One

Chapter 1:

Knowing each

other—Teamwork

building

Day Two

Chapter 1

continued:

Knowing each

other—

Forming peer

groups

Day Three

Chapter 2:

Knowing what to look

for

Day Four

Chapter 3:

Knowing why to

give advice

Day Five

Chapter 4 :

Knowing how to

give advice

Part one: Being a

good peer reviewer

Day Six

Chapter 4:

Knowing how to

give advice

Part two: Using

peer review

activities

Day Seven

Chapter 5:

Knowing how to use

advice

Day Eight

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Nine

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Ten

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

The rest of the

semester

Refer to Chapters 7

and 8 as needed

Midsemester

Chapter 8

136

She found that “trained students [make] more meaning revisions that untrained

students” (229).

Berg (1999a)

“Provide revision guidelines by highlighting good revision strategies” (21), such as reorganizing, deleting,

adding, and modifying.

She adds that teachers should “emphasize the importance of [revising] to clarify the meaning of the text

before focusing on sentence (surface) level revisions, such as correcting grammar, punctuation, or

spelling, because entire sentences might be replaced in the revision process” (24).

Chenoweth (1987)

suggests that unskilled ESL writers should be taught rewriting skills; because

they see revision as error correction, they need to be taught how to focus on

revising global issues of their writing.

Paulus (1999)

found that students often use their classmates’ advice to make meaning-level

(global) changes to their writing.

Suggested Procedure

There are three steps to the procedure, which are listed below. Choose from the activities and materials

included on the following pages to help implement this procedure.

Step One: explain revision strategies. (You may need to reemphasize the

difference between revising and editing.)

 Activity U: Revising makes me MAD!

Step Two: model how peer review comments affect revision.

 Activity V: Peer review comments and revision

Step Three: practice revising

 Activity W: Practice revision

137

Activity U: Revising makes me MAD!

Objective

The goal is to teach the students the process that expert writers use when

revising essays.

Preparation before class

Develop an understanding of the revising skills to be able to teach them well. A

good mnemonic is “revising makes me MAD!” When you revise you

 Move things,

 Add things, and

 Delete things.

On the other hand, editing involves changing grammar, spelling, and

punctuation.

In class

Overview revising skills:

 Move

 Add

 Delete

Time

5 minutes

Look at the following example essay.

First Draft

Sushi is small and beautiful. It is low fish. The smell is good. It’s is delicious but

expensive. You can eat with different ingredients and the taste is different.

Sushi with wasabi is very delicious and you can eat it every day.

Second Draft

Nigiri sushi is my favorite. It is small and beautiful. It is made of rice, fish,

wasabi, egg, and sometimes vegetables. The smell is stinky, but it is delicious.

You can eat with different ingredients and the taste is different. It is

expensive, but you can eat it every day.

Moved

Sentence about expensive to the end because it didn’t fit with the other

sentences about the taste and smell.

Added

My favorite kind of sushi and details about what it is made out of.

138

Deleted

Information about low fish and second sentence about sushi is delicious.

Because we don’t think low fish fits with the other sentences and because we

don’t need two sentences about delicious.

Time

10 minutes

Evaluation

The evaluation comes in a following activity.

Activity V: Peer review comments and revision

Objective

The goal is to help students see how their peers’ comments can help them

revise. Try to link the comments students might get in peer revision to the

revision process.

Preparation before class

Familiarize yourself with the peer review activity “What is almost said?” from

appendix A and the example sushi essay in the previous activity.

Try to teach this in an inductive approach—try to get the students to figure out

how the comments relate to moving, adding, and deleting information.

Questions=add information

Change order

Remove information that doesn’t fit

In class

1. Reread the sushi essay from the previous activity. Focus on the second draft.

Second Draft

Nigiri sushi is my favorite. It is small and beautiful. It is made of rice, fish,

wasabi, egg, and sometimes vegetables. The smell is stinky, but it is delicious.

You can eat with different ingredients and the taste is different. It is

expensive, but you can eat it every day.

Time

5 minutes

2. Have the students work in their groups to brainstorm questions about the

second draft’s content.

Time

5 minutes

3. Come together as a class and list questions on the board. They might

include:

 Why is it the favorite?

139

 What kind of vegetables?

 Why do different ingredients make it different?

 Why is it expensive?

 Do you eat it every day? Why?

Time

5 minutes

4. Discuss how the questions could help the writer MAD things in the essay.

5. Work together as a class to revise the essay.

Third Draft

There are many kinds of sushi, but nigiri sushi is my favorite. It is the most

delicious. It is made of rice, fish, wasabi, egg, and sometimes vegetables, like

carrots or cabbage. If it is made well, it is small and beautiful, so you want to

eat it because of its beauty. Even though it is expensive, you can eat it every

day because it is so delicious.

Moved

Sentence about it is delicious because it explains why it is the favorite.

Sentence about what it looks like to the end because didn’t fit with the

information about taste.

Added

Details about vegetables and what it looks like. And a sentence at the

beginning about all kinds of sushi.

Deleted

Information about eating it with different ingredients and changing the taste

because if didn’t fit with the other sentences.

Time

10 minutes

Evaluation

The evaluation comes in the following activity.

Activity W: Practice revision

Adapted from Berg (1999a).

Objective

The goal is to help the students understand how to revise.

Preparation before class

Copy the essay and peer review comments (from the activity “skeleton

feedback” in appendix A). Make overheads or copies of the answer key.

140

Essay

Americans and Alcohol

Berg (1999a, 20-25).

First Draft

[1] Americans drink alcohol because of many reasons. One reason is that it is

easy to buy. People buy alcoholic beverages in liquor stores, bars, and

restaurants, and they can even found it on airplanes, trains, and boats. In some

states all they have to do is to visit the nearest grocery store to buy alcohol.

Also, many commercials on the radio and TV show how happy people is when

they are drinking beer. Another reason is that alcoholic beverages is quite

cheep. A final reason is that media tell Americans to drink alcohol. Even movie

characters such as James Bond drink a lot of alcohols as part of their rich and

exciting lifestyle. James Bond is famous for ordering martinis that are “stirred,

not shaken.” The end.

Peer review comments for the first draft of Americans and Alcohol

Skeleton Feedback

Find the main ideas (bones)

of the paper.

1. Reasons Americans drink

alcohol

2. easy to buy

3. commercials on TV and

radio

In class

First, discuss with the students that it is hard to fix everything at once, and

that revision takes a few tries. They might have several drafts where they fix a

little bit each time.

Second, hand out the example student essay and the example peer review

comments. Give the students time to decide how they would revise this essay

if it were theirs. They should be able to refer to the peer review comments for

help. Remind them to think about the three parts of revision: move, add, and

delete.

Their goal is to make a plan of how to revise the essay. They do not have to

actually revise.

Time

10 to 15 minutes

141

Third, after some time has passed, show the answer key. The answer key only

shows some possibilities for revision. It is not the only answer.

Answer Key

Step One: MOVE the

information into groups—

use the bones as main

topics.

Step Three: ADD more

details to explain

unclear topics. Also add

information to the

introduction and

conclusion.

Step Three: DELETE

repetitive information.

Thesis Statement:

Americans drink alcohol

because of many

reasons.

Topic A: One reason is

that it is easy to buy.

 Another reason is

that alcoholic

beverages is quite

cheep.

 People buy alcoholic

beverages in liquor

stores, bars, and

restaurants,

 and they can even

found it on airplanes,

trains, and boats.

 In some states all

they have to do is to

visit the nearest

grocery store to buy

alcohol.

Topic B: A final reason is

that media tell

Americans to drink

alcohol.

 Also, many

commercials on the

radio and TV show

how happy people is

when they are

drinking beer.

Introduction:

 [ADD GENERAL

INFORMATION]

 Americans drink

alcohol because of

many reasons.

Topic A: One reason is

that it is easy to buy.

 ADD GENERAL

STATEMENT People

buy alcoholic

beverages in liquor

stores, bars, and

restaurants, and they

can even found it on

airplanes, trains, and

boats.

 In some states all

they have to do is to

visit the nearest

grocery store to buy

alcohol.

Topic B: A final reason is

that media tell

Americans to drink

alcohol.

 Many commercials on

the radio and TV

show how happy

people is when they

are drinking beer.

 Even movie

characters such as

Thesis Statement:

Americans drink alcohol

because of many

reasons.

Topic A: One reason is

that it is easy to buy.

 [Another reason is

that alcoholic

beverages is quite

cheep. DELETE]

 People buy alcoholic

beverages in liquor

stores, bars, and

restaurants,

 and they can even

found it on airplanes,

trains, and boats.

 In some states all

they have to do is to

visit the nearest

grocery store to buy

alcohol.

Topic B: A final reason is

that media tell

Americans to drink

alcohol.

 [Also DELETE], many

commercials on the

radio and TV show

how happy people is

when they are

drinking beer.

 Even movie

142

 Even movie

characters such as

James Bond drink a

lot of alcohols as part

of their rich and

exciting lifestyle.

 James Bond is famous

for ordering martinis

that are “stirred, not

shaken.”

Conclusion: The end.

James Bond drink a

lot of alcohols as part

of their rich and

exciting lifestyle.

 James Bond is famous

for ordering martinis

that are “stirred, not

shaken.”

Conclusion: ADD A

CONCLUSION

characters such as

James Bond drink a

lot of alcohols as part

of their rich and

exciting lifestyle.

 James Bond is famous

for ordering martinis

that are “stirred, not

shaken.”

Conclusion: [The end.

DELETE]

2nd draft

[1] Alcohol is very popular in the United States. Most Americans drink a lot of

alcohol even though it can cause many problems. But why is drinking alcohol so

common? Americans drink alcohol because of many reasons.

[2] One reason that Americans drink alcohol is that it is easy to buy. It is

available almost everywhere in the United States. People can buy alcoholic

beverages in liquor stores, bars, and restaurants. They can even found it on

airplanes, trains, and boats. In some states all they have to do is to visit the

nearest grocery store to buy alcohol.

[3] Another reason that Americans drink alcohol is that media tell Americans to

drink alcohol. Many commercials on the radio and TV show how happy people is

when they are drinking beer. Even movie characters such as James Bond drink a

lot of alcohols as part of their rich and exciting lifestyle. James Bond is famous

for ordering martinis that are “stirred, not shaken.”

[4] In conclusion, there are many reasons why Americans drink a lot of alcohol.

Sometimes they drink it because it is easy to get. They also drink it because

the media makes it seem cool. But, regardless of the reason, Americans drink a

lot of alcohol.

Time

10 to 15 minutes

Fourth, review the essay together as a class and discuss possible revisions.

Then compare the first draft with the second draft.

Time

5 minutes

They may seem overwhelmed by how much work goes into revision. But assure

them that they will get better at it with practice and that it is very important

if they want to get good grades not only in class, but also at a university.

143

Evaluation

How would they revise the second draft?

Give the students the second draft of the Americans and alcohol essay and the

peer review comments about the second draft. For homework, have the

students plan how to revise the second draft of the essay.

Peer review comments for the second draft of Americans and alcohol.

Skeleton Feedback

Find the details (meat) of the paper.

1. Reasons Americans drink alcohol

a. Easy to buy

b. media

2. easy to buy/available everywhere

a. liquor stores, restaurants,

bars

b. planes, trains, boats

grocery stores

3. media

a. commercials on TV

b. radio

c. movies—James Bond

Example Lesson Plan

This procedure is modeled here in a one day plan, with homework evaluated on the

following class day. This is the continuation of discussion about giving advice

which started in part one of chapter four.

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Day One

Chapter 1:

Knowing each

other—Teamwork

building

Day Two

Chapter 1

continued:

Knowing each

other—

Forming peer

groups

Day Three

Chapter 2:

Knowing what to look

for

Day Four

Chapter 3:

Knowing why to

give advice

Day Five

Chapter 4 :

Knowing how to

give advice

Part one: Being a

good peer reviewer

Day Six

Chapter 4:

Knowing how to

give advice

Part two: Using

peer review

activities

Day Seven

Chapter 5:

Knowing how to use

advice

Day Eight

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Nine

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Ten

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

The rest of the

semester

Refer to Chapters 7

and 8 as needed

Midsemester

Chapter 8

144

Day Seven

Help students bridge the gap from peer review to making effective revisions in the paper.

Preparation before class

Terminal Objective

 Prepare the students for revision

Enabling Objectives

 review the writing process

 explain some revising skills/steps

 explain the connection between peer review comments and revision

Activities

 Activity L: The Writing Process

 Activity U: Revision Strategies

 Activity V: Peer review comments and revision

 Activity W: Practice revision

Materials

 Copies of the worksheets

 Sample essays and peer review activities

 Overhead transparencies

In class

Section of lesson plan Activity Time

Warm Up  Activity H 5 to 10 minutes

Announcements  N/A 0 minutes

Continue (review)

previous lesson

 N/A

0 minutes

Introduce New lesson

 Activity L 10 minutes

Guided practice

 Activity U

 Activity V

 Activity W

10 minutes

25 minutes

Evaluation  N/A 0 minutes

Contingency  Continue activity W As needed

Homework

 Activity W

Total Time Approx 65 minutes

Chapter 5 review



 “Move, add, delete.”

 “Model how peer review comments affect revision.”

145

Chapter 6

Practicing Everything

Goal & Objectives

The goal is to have the students use everything they have learned to start their first essay—from

prewriting, drafting, peer reviewing, and revising.

To accomplish this, the teacher should

 help the students see that they can do it and that it will be great!

Expert’s Advice

Berg (1999a)

“involve students in a response … by having them use the peer response sheet to respond to” another

student’s work. “Based on the responses, have the [students] revise their original” work (p. 21).

McMurry (2004)

When using peer review in class the teacher should….

First, reemphasize why (to help their friends write better) and how (be nice

but honest) to do peer review.

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Day One

Chapter 1:

Knowing each

other—Teamwork

building

Day Two

Chapter 1

continued:

Knowing each

other—

Forming peer

groups

Day Three

Chapter 2:

Knowing what to look

for

Day Four

Chapter 3:

Knowing why to

give advice

Day Five

Chapter 4 :

Knowing how to

give advice

Part one: Being a

good peer reviewer

Day Six

Chapter 4:

Knowing how to

give advice

Part two: Using

peer review

activities

Day Seven

Chapter 5:

Knowing how to use

advice

Day Eight

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Nine

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Ten

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

The rest of the

semester

Refer to Chapters 7

and 8 as needed

Midsemester

Chapter 8

146

Second, explain the rubric or activity.

Third, model using the rubric or activity.

Fourth, explain how to use the feedback to revise the essay.

Fifth, put them to work, and monitor them while they are working.

Sixth, have the peer review take as short a time as possible while still being

effective. Be aware of the time it will take to do each rubric or activity. Some

need no more than 15 to 20 minutes. Some need longer. But don’t give the

students too much time!

Seventh, don’t let anyone be idle. The longer the students sit around and do

nothing, the less effective the review will be. Keep the students on task until

they are finished, then have them start evaluating the feedback and planning

how they will revise the essay.

Eighth, make sure that each essay is evaluated by at least two peers. Three or

four is better. The more feedback the writer receives, the easier it is to make

revision decisions.

Ninth, emphasize writer responsibility. Although other people can help

him/her, it is the writer’s responsibility to write the essay. He/she must take

the feedback, evaluate it, decide what to use and what to ignore, and then

revise the essay they way he/she thinks is best. They could even choose to

ignore the teacher’s feedback if they decide to. It is their work, their grade,

their decision, and no one else, not even the teacher, should take that away

from them.

Some students resist taking responsibility, but it is important that they learn to

be decisive and independent in those decisions.

Tenth, remember that the teacher is not a peer.

Eleventh, do peer review once a week, and do it before the teacher review. It

often works best if the peers review the first draft, the teacher reviews the

second draft, and both peers and teachers review the subsequent drafts. This

works because peers are usually looking for solutions to problems with

organization and meaning, which should be addressed in the first draft.

Sometimes peers can review all the drafts.

Twelfth, continually reemphasize that in peer review the students are not

looking at spelling, grammar, or punctuation!

147

Suggested Procedure

There are four steps to the procedure, which are listed on the following page. Choose from the activities

and materials included on the following pages to help implement this procedure.

Step One: Review Activity L and start writing the first “real” essay.

Step Two: Review Activity M, O, and P and do the first “real” peer review.

Step Three: Review Activities U and V and have the students revise the essay.

Step Four: Have the students evaluate the peer review and the revisions.

 Activity X: Comparing drafts

 Activity Y: Feedback about peer review

Activity X: Comparing drafts

Objective

The goals are to help the students metacognitively recognize the product of

the writing process and peer review, and to recognize what they understand.

Preparation before class

Copy worksheet if desired.

Worksheet

Answer the following questions to compare your first and second drafts.

1. What did you move? What peer feedback helped you?

2. What did you change? What peer feedback helped you?

3. What did you add? What peer feedback helped you?

4. What did you delete? What peer feedback helped you?

148

5. How did you decide to make these changes?

6. Which draft do you like better? Why?

In class

Have the students compare and evaluate their two drafts using the worksheet

provided.

Time

10 to 15 minutes

Evaluation

Have them share their results with a partner, just hand in the comparison, or

discuss their feelings as a class.

Time

5 to 10 minutes

Follow up

You will probably need to reemphasize that learning how to write and how to

revise takes time and practice. Reassure them that they are doing well and

encourage them to continue.

Time

5 to 10 minutes

Activity Y: Feedback about peer review

Objective

The goal is to get student feedback about peer review. This can help you know

what to review, reemphasize, or cut out.

Preparation before class

Copy the handout.

Questionnaire

Please answer the following questions. Give your opinion about peer review.

Do not write your name on this paper.

149

1. How nice was your peer review group?

a. Poor

b. OK

c. Very good

d. Excellent

2. How helpful was your peer review group?

a. Poor

b. OK

c. Very good

d. Excellent

3. How useful was the feedback you received from your peers?

a. Not at all useful

b. A little bit useful

c. Useful

d. Very useful

4. How easy was it to use the peer review feedback to help you revise?

a. Not easy at all

b. A little bit easy

c. Easy

d. Very easy

5. I like these three things about peer review:

6. I am concerned by these three things:

7. I suggest that we try this one thing:

In class

Give the students about 10 minutes to answer the questions. You might need to

go through the questions before they start to make sure everyone understands

them.

Time

10 minutes

Evaluation

Collect the questionnaires. Read them review results. Focus on areas where a

clear majority (approximately 2/3rds of the class) lies. Then decide how to

150

react. Do you need to review any of the previous material? Do you need to

change groups?

Time

Not in class

Example Lesson Plan

This procedure is modeled here in a three day plan, with homework evaluated on the

following class day. The first day is spent on step one of the procedure. The second day is spent on

steps two and three. The third day is spent on step four.

Day Eight

Start writing the first “real” essay.

Preparation before class

Terminal Objective

 Guide the students through the writing process as they write their first

essay.

Enabling Objectives

 review the writing process

Activity

 Activity L: The Writing Process

Materials

 N/A

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Day One

Chapter 1:

Knowing each

other—Teamwork

building

Day Two

Chapter 1

continued:

Knowing each

other—

Forming peer

groups

Day Three

Chapter 2:

Knowing what to look

for

Day Four

Chapter 3:

Knowing why to

give advice

Day Five

Chapter 4 :

Knowing how to

give advice

Part one: Being a

good peer reviewer

Day Six

Chapter 4:

Knowing how to

give advice

Part two: Using

peer review

activities

Day Seven

Chapter 5:

Knowing how to use

advice

Day Eight

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Nine

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Ten

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

The rest of the

semester

Refer to Chapters 7

and 8 as needed

Midsemester

Chapter 8

151

In class

Section of lesson plan Activity Time

Warm Up  Activity H 5 to 10 minutes

Announcements  N/A 0 minutes

Continue (review)

previous lesson

 N/A

0 minutes

Introduce New lesson

 Quickly review

Activity L

5 minutes

Guided practice

 Model doing writing

process

10 minutes

Independent Practice

 Start essay (Monitor

students as they

work)

o Brainstorm

o Outline

o Begin draft



40 minutes

Evaluation  N/A 0 minutes

Contingency  Continue drafting As needed

Homework

 First draft

Total Time Approx 65 minutes

Day Nine

Do the first “real” peer review.

Preparation before class

Terminal Objective

 Do the first “real” peer review.

Enabling Objectives

 Review who can help with revision

 Review the rules for peer review

 Review what to say

Activities

 Activity M: Revision and feedback: Who can help?

 Activity O: Rules for peer review

 Activity P: What to say

Materials

 Copies of a rubric

In class

152

Section of lesson plan Activity Time

Warm Up  Activity H 5 to 10 minutes

Announcements  N/A 0 minutes

Continue (review)

previous lesson

 N/A

0 minutes

Introduce New lesson

 Quickly review

Activities M. O. and P

10 minutes

Independent Practice

 Peer review within

their peer groups

 Give the students time

to plan their revisions

during class.

10 minutes

Evaluation  N/A 0 minutes

Contingency  Continue drafting As needed

Homework

 Second draft

Total Time Approx 65 minutes

Day Ten

Evaluate the peer review and revisions.

Preparation before class

Terminal Objective

 Determine where they may be gaps in their understanding or performance

and decide what to review.

Enabling Objectives

 Get student feedback about the peer review

 Have the students evaluate their drafts and the effect of the peer review

Activities

 Activity X: Comparing drafts

 Activity Y: Feedback about peer review

Materials

 Copies of the worksheets

In class

Section of lesson plan Activity Time

Warm Up  Activity H 5 to 10 minutes

Announcements  N/A 0 minutes

Guided Practice

 Activity X

10 minutes

Evaluation  Activity Y 10 minutes

Independent Practice  Third draft

 Do one on one

teacher-student

Remainder of time

153

conferences while

the students revise.

Homework

 Third draft

Total Time Approx 65 minutes

Chapter 6 review

 “involve the students in a [safe] response…”

 “Help the students metacognitively recognize the product of the writing

process and peer review.”

154

Chapter 7

Long & Short Term Results

Overview

Unfortunately, sometimes teaching doesn’t affect instant or even quick

change. Sometimes all teachers do is influence performance potential. That

means that students might not perform to expectations for a while, perhaps

not even while they are in class. But seeds of change have been planted so that

they have the potential to perform someday when they are ready.

Short term results

In the short term, most students will be willing to try peer review. Most of

them will have a positive attitude and will make an effort.

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Day One

Chapter 1:

Knowing each

other—Teamwork

building

Day Two

Chapter 1

continued:

Knowing each

other—

Forming peer

groups

Day Three

Chapter 2:

Knowing what to look

for

Day Four

Chapter 3:

Knowing why to

give advice

Day Five

Chapter 4 :

Knowing how to

give advice

Part one: Being a

good peer reviewer

Day Six

Chapter 4:

Knowing how to

give advice

Part two: Using

peer review

activities

Day Seven

Chapter 5:

Knowing how to use

advice

Day Eight

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Nine

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Ten

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

The rest of the

semester

Refer to Chapters 7

and 8 as needed

Midsemester

Chapter 8

155

Long term results

In the long term, more concrete effects will become apparent. After a several

weeks, most of the students will start performing much better in their drafting,

peer reviewing, and revisions. But the students will begin to perform the best

after the midterm.

Goal & Objectives

Encourage students to continue to improve.

Expert’s Advice

McMurry (2004)

“Be a coach and a cheerleader. Emphasize their successes, no matter how

small they are!”

Chapter 7 review

 “Sometimes all teachers do is influence performance potential.”

156

Chapter 8

Reviewing Periodically

Goal & Objectives

The goal is to keep the students motivated and performing well.

To accomplish this, the teacher should help students:

 Remember what they have learned

 Continue to improve their performance

Expert’s Advice

Connor and Asenavage (1994)

“Although peer response is modeled early in the semester and practiced throughout, more extensive and

specific peer response training with follow up should be implemented” (p. 267, emphasis added).

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Day One

Chapter 1:

Knowing each

other—Teamwork

building

Day Two

Chapter 1

continued:

Knowing each

other—

Forming peer

groups

Day Three

Chapter 2:

Knowing what to look

for

Day Four

Chapter 3:

Knowing why to

give advice

Day Five

Chapter 4 :

Knowing how to

give advice

Part one: Being a

good peer reviewer

Day Six

Chapter 4:

Knowing how to

give advice

Part two: Using

peer review

activities

Day Seven

Chapter 5:

Knowing how to use

advice

Day Eight

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Nine

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Ten

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

The rest of the

semester

Refer to Chapters 7

and 8 as needed

Midsemester

Chapter 8

157

Suggested Procedure

Step One: Revisit this material often instead of waiting to see signs of malaise or problems.

 Use some form of peer review at least once each week

 Each time briefly review one or two points from this material, such as why or how to do it.

 Don’t do the same peer review activity each time. Some types are better for certain essays, and

students like the variety, as long as it is not confusing.

Step Two: Do a short review of chapter 1 and chapter 4: Part one around the middle of the semester,

when the peer groups are changed. The students need to get comfortable with their new peer groups and

work out how to do peer review with new people, so it is a good time to refresh their memories.

Example Lesson Plan

Step two is modeled here in a one day lesson plan.

Preparation before class

Terminal Objective

 Keep the students motivated and performing well.

Enabling Objectives

 review

 change groups

Activities

 Activity E: Group requests

 Activity F: Forming groups

 Activity G: Group name, roles, and poster

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Day One

Chapter 1:

Knowing each

other—Teamwork

building

Day Two

Chapter 1

continued:

Knowing each

other—

Forming peer

groups

Day Three

Chapter 2:

Knowing what to look

for

Day Four

Chapter 3:

Knowing why to

give advice

Day Five

Chapter 4 :

Knowing how to

give advice

Part one: Being a

good peer reviewer

Day Six

Chapter 4:

Knowing how to

give advice

Part two: Using

peer review

activities

Day Seven

Chapter 5:

Knowing how to use

advice

Day Eight

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Nine

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

Day Ten

Chapter 6:

Practicing

everything

The rest of the

semester

Refer to Chapters 7

and 8 as needed

Midsemester

Chapter 8

158

 Activity O: Rules for peer review

 Activity P: What to say

Materials

 Paper and crayons

 Rules poster

 Overheads for activity P

In class

Section of lesson plan Activity Time

Warm Up  Activity H: Prizes to

winning group

5 to 10 minutes

Announcements  N/A 0 minutes

Introduce New Lesson

 Activity E

 Students do Activity P

(modified) deciding if

comments are good

or bad.

 Teacher does activity

F while they work

5 minutes

10 minutes

Guided Practice

 Activity F—assign

them to their new

groups.

5 minutes

Independent Practice

 Activity G

20 minutes

Guided Practice  Quickly review

activities O and P

15 minutes

Contingency  Play get to know you

games

As needed

Homework

 N/A

Total Time Approx 65 minutes

Chapter 8 Review

 “…peer response training with follow up should be implemented.”

159

Bibliography

Berg, E.C. (1999a). Preparing ESL students for peer response. TESOL Journal

2(2), 20-25.

Berg, E.C. (1999b). The effects of trained peer response on ESL students’

revision types and writing quality. Journal of Second Language Writing,

8, 215-241.

Broderick, E. (2002, May 15). Interview. Provo, Utah.

Chenoweth, A. (1987). The need to teach rewriting. ELT Journal 41, 25-29.

Collins, A., Brown, J. S., and Holum, A. (1991). Cognitive apprenticeship:

Making thinking visible. American Educator, 6-11, 38-46.

Connor, U., and Asenavage, K. (1994). Peer response groups in ESL writing

classes: How much impact on revision? Journal of Second Language

Writing, 3, 257-276.

Flynn, E. (1982). Effects of peer critiquing and model analysis on the quality of

biology student laboratory reports. As cited in Stanley.

Klippel, F. (1984). Keep Talking: Communicative fluency activities for language

teaching. Cambridge: University of Cambridge Press.

Liu, J., and Hansen, J. (2002). Peer response in second language writing

classrooms. USA: University of Michigan Press.

McMurry, A. (2004). Preparing students for peer review. An unpublished thesis.

Nelson, G., and Murphey, J. (1992). An L2 writing group: Task and social

dimensions. Journal of Second Language Writing, 1, 171-193.

Paulus, T. (1999). The effect of peer and teacher feedback on student writing.

Journal of Second Language Writing, 8, 265-289.

160

Raimes, A. (1998). Teaching writing. Annual Review of Applied Linguistics 18,

142-167.

Seay, M.L. (1987). Let them beg you for grammar. English Journal, April, 61-

63.

Sokmen, A., and Mackey, D. (Eds.). (1998). Kaleidoscope Reading and Writing

2. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company.

Stanley, J. (1992). Coaching student writers to become effective peer

evaluators. Journal of Second Language Writing 1, 217-233.

Thornley-Brown, A. (2000). Horror and success stories. The Training Oasis:

Spice of the Month. Retrieved December 26, 2003, from

http://www3.sympatico.ca/thetrainingoasis/mayspice.htm.

Venia, H. (1987). Tutors’ Column: eight tips for the writing tutor. The Writing

Lab, February, 9.

Wolfersberger, M. (2003, May). Interview. Provo, Utah.

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Appendix A

Principles for Designing

Cognitive Apprenticeship

Environments

From Collins, Brown, & Holum (1991, p. 45).

Content—types of knowledge required for expertise

 Domain knowledge subject matter specific concepts, facts, and

procedures

 Heuristic strategies generally applicable techniques for accomplishing

tasks

 Control strategies general approaches for directing one’s solution process

 Learning strategies knowledge about how to learn new concepts, facts,

and procedures

Method—ways to promote the development of expertise

 Modeling teacher performs a task so students can observe

 Coaching teacher observes and facilitates while students perform a task

 Scaffolding teacher provides supports to help the student perform a task

 Articulation teacher encourages students to verbalize their knowledge and

thinking

 Reflection teacher enables students to compare their performance with

others

 Exploration teacher invites students to pose and solve their own problems

Sequencing—keys to ordering learning activities

 Global before local skills focus on conceptualizing the whole task before

executing the parts

 Increasing complexity meaningful tasks gradually increasing in difficulty

 Increasing diversity practice in a variety of situations to emphasize broad

applications

Sociology—social characteristics of learning environments

 Situated learning students learn in the context of working on realistic tasks

 Community of practice communication about different ways to accomplish

meaningful tasks

 Intrinsic motivation students set personal goals to seek skills and solutions

 Cooperation students work together to accomplish their goals

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Appendix B-1

Example Essays

Beginning Proficiency

What I like best and least about my class

Otgonbayar U.

I like my class now. I thought this class was first time so boring. It was a not

true. First classmates friendly and good teacher. My opinion is my teacher is

one of the best teacher at English Language Center. My teacher loves us and

work with us all her heard. Maybe some students can’t understand he. Before I

hadn’t international class, because very interesting all of student from

different country. Also, I liked last international food party. That was a so good

idea. I think this’s good opportunity study with a good teacher and

international students. Also, I thankful for God because he give me this good

opportunity for me and for my classmates and teachers’s love for me.

Martin Luther King

Kazu T.

What the words "When will our country learn that to live by the sword is to

perish by the sword?" mean is no violence. Martin always had said " Violence

only leads to violence," "Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that."

Martin respected Mahatma Gandhi and agreed with him –no violence. Therefore

he tried to get rights not only for the black but also for the poor, without

violence. Martin's idea bore fruit. Martin's, the first action, marching to get

rights of black people on bus and the second action, marching in restaurants

were successful. But actions became to be violent. Someone fought back.

Someone else threw a bottle. Someone else set fire to a nearby car. Martin also

was killed by VIOLENCE.

What is my favorite day?

Suzy C.

This question is terrible to me, because every day here is the same to me

except Friday, because I don't have class, and I can clean my house, and listen

to music the same time, and then do my homework.

But in Brazil, I love Saturday and Sunday, same time I woke up early on

Saturday, because the phone doesn't stop ringing, everybody invites me to do

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many things. I remember my friends saying, "let's go to the beach!" " let's go to

the club", "hey I'm going to barbecue, do you want to go?" "let's go shopping ",

"let's go watch soccer "Let’s play volley' ping pong, soccer, I'm going to

Cutijuba Island, I waiting for you, hurry hurry! I will pick up you in five minutes

". Anyway, it's crazy but I loved it. On Sunday in Brazil I go to Church, and after

Church I stay there, and only talk, talk... for three hours, then I came back

home. Usually every family has one big lunch, and music. It's very noisy,

especially in my home .I loved it, because I could stay with my family. So I like

Friday here, but I loved Saturday and Sunday Brazil.

My Essay

Jessica W.

We study many lessons, such as math, literature, art, physics, and biology. Of

them, I like literature the best. Because it makes emotion. It needs skill or

talent, but essay is different essay isn't talent. Only my thinks about write, bu1

essay need to skill. I must to study writing skill for essay.

The 1st skill I must study is purpose. What kind thinks purpose? It's an inference

word make Brainstorm. Guess word find idea. In other words explain why the

other side is wrong. My purpose for this essay is persuade, people that

important.

The 2nd skill about audience. Who's my audience? I don't know. They want to

something. Why, How about that write. My audience is class friend or teacher.

The 3rd skill is draft put my ideas write. Don't worry about mistake and Why, or

How about my information my opinions. When I'm draft. Why is it important

study?

The last skill is edit. It is very important. Its additional reasons, the fixing

grammar, fixing spelling punctuation, article appearance, and check teacher.

The conclusion all of the finished. So briefly restate the reason my argued

previously and my thesis statement.

In conclusion all of the all the time remember skill everyday try. I'm must to

essay skill. I'm going to pass TOEFL test.

If I were principal of this school…

Kazu T.

If I were principal, I would made a drastic reform. First, I want to admit all

kinds of people, like members of the strongest baseball team-- a man has a lot

of culture, another has a lot of power. And I do not want to give them credits

to graduate easily.

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Second, I want to dismiss the teachers who are not eager, are poor at teaching

or do not have culture. And I want to ask my students whether I should do it or

not, by using questionnaires.

Finally, I want to dismiss the office workers who are not kind of students and

teachers or are not neat.

If principal of this school make these reforms actually, it ought to be hard for

him to do these. Because it is hard to dismiss his friends and not give his

students credits to graduate. But the school ought to be better, if he do not

continue these. And I think that it is capitalism.

Change in Mexico

Mario A.

I would change the political system and the election system, because the

people in my country don’t have a good feel for the political system. I think

this system is not the best for the progress. And only little group of person take

a decision for my country. I think is necessary young people in the government

to apply the new ideas and the young generation take a decision. I know is the

responsibility to my generation study and prepared for this responsibility. The

system is very old, they have 70 year and now is not good, is necessary refresh

the system. And other change is the environmental laws, because the forest,

rivers, beach, and other places is contaminated and all this is a action to the

bad political system. And I think the people in my country need help for

understand the mean of the freedom, the mean of the Lord in your lifes. But I

think is possible because all the people in Mexico have a big heart, and have a

good ideas.

Rain forest dazzler butterfly

Y. Angela

Introduction

One day, my classmate went to go Bean Museum at BYU. The museum is very

interesting. I watched many countries animals. I look like many butterflies.

There are colors all different kinds. Butterflies very wonderful and beautiful.

There are very interesting for me. I was looking one butterfly. It is name is Rain

forest dazzler.

Look like

I like the look of the Rain forest dazzler butterfly. It is very wonderful. There

are blue, brown, white and dark orange colors. This butterfly have looks a

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head, thorax, abdomen, two antennae, six legs, muscles, four wing and two

eyes. This butterfly is little bigger than many butterflies (Museum).

Where

This butterfly is live forest. Rain forest dazzler is very vulnerable. The rain,

rest and in daylight hours when It have life logs, crevices in rock or tree

overhang of houses (Butterflies).

Eat

Also sometimes we are look butterfly. There are usually sit on the flowers,

because they are ear sip flower nectar. Also they are eating water; imbibe

fluids from sap flower on tree, rotting fluids and bird droppings or animals’

dung (Butterfly.com).

Interesting information

Butterflies have many enemies, because butterfly is an insect. They enemies

are Ant, wasps and many birds. Butterfly has strong muscles. There have thorax

and wing. Butterfly is growing up for stages. There are First, egg. This is within

2-4 days. Second, the egg hatches into a caterpillar or larva. This is within 2-4

weeks. Third, the larva forms the pupa or chrysalis. This is within 1-4 weeks.

Finally, When adult butterfly is usually hatch within a 25 minute. The chrysalis

matures into a butterfly. This is within 2-4 weeks. We only like and touch a

butterfly are wing. But butterfly’s wing very soft. Please don’t touch

butterfly’s wing (Butterflies).

Conclusion

I really like butterfly. It is very interesting insect. There are looks very

beautiful.

Bibliography

I was reading Bean Museum at BYU, Butterfly& month book and

www.butterfly.com.

My Goal

Waka H.

Everyone asked me “why are you going to America?” I had a good job and a

high income. I lost my job as a network administrator when I went to the U.S,

but it was my decision. I hope for peace of in the world. So communication may

just help for peace of in the world. I thought about it. Then I thought the

Internet and languages are would peace a very good way. So I decided to go to

the U.S, learn English, and study Internet networking.

So, my career goal is to become a specialist in network administration in Japan

or Utah. I hope to help people indifferent countries talk to one another through

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the Internet. I couldn’t do this long ago because I didn’t have any money and

the Internet was not around yet. But now every child can use it. I’m Japanese,

and I wish to teach Japanese children how to use Internet communication.

Because Utah helped create the Internet, I want to work and study here. Now, I

can connect, help, and fix any things with the Internet. And when it’s

connected. After I help them they are happy. I like my job because I make

people happy.

Now, how do I reach my goal? First, I study and learn English at the ELC. Next, I

study Internet connection at Cisco Network Academy. Then I gain experience

by practice, because the Internet is a job that requires experience. Then I’ll

get job with Internet, I study hard!

Giant clam

Rie Y.

Introduction

One day I met very wonderful shell, named Giant Clam in the museum. I feel

as if I see the sea as soon as my eyes close in front of the shell. How fantastic

and mysterious!! I thought that I would like to introduce it when I met it. I

was fascinated by it in a twinkle!

Looks

Giant clam is white and is one of large shells. “This giant Clam is a soft-

bodied animal that lives inside a strong, hard shell.” The size is about sixty

inch and the largest one looks very heavy and old. “The two sides of mantle

join together” (Bean Museum, Ocean: The living world, p. 16).

Where

Usually they stay in the bottom of the sea. The clam’s soft body is supported

and is protected by the shell in the deep sea. They drift past in the seawater

(Bean Museum).

Eat

The Giant Clam’s main food is plankton. So it is microscopic plants. They

jump as the way to eat and to move in the bottom of the sea. Although it is

slow to move, they can eat quickly so it is so fast to get a prey in the sea (Bean

Museum).

Interesting facts

There is nothing a head of them. They can’t breath by their self and we can’t

feed them who are different from other animals. They need seawater for

living. And then we usually are unable to keep as a pet in our house although

they look very beautiful and lovely (Bean Museum).

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Conclusion

The Giant clam was known whole in the world as a very famous shell has

Venus of Love and Beauty. There is one oil painting about it. One art museum

has the oil painting which is very wonderful. You will be able to meet it when

you go to the art museum or to watch the book of art picture in the library.

And then Giant Calm really is romantic shell so it is treasure of the sea (Bean

Museum).

Bibliography

Bean Museum of BYU, Provo, UT.

Ocean the living world - writing by Theresa Greenaway, Christiane Gunzi &

Barbara Taylor. 1994.

To visit on vacation someday

S. Tuul

I like to visit on my vacation someday in KHuvusgul. The KHuvusgul in the

Mongolia. The KHuvusgul in very wonderful place in Mongolia.

The Khuvusgul have a ocean.The Mongolia have a only big ocean called name

Khuvusgul.Thas why in the Khuvusgul is most beautiful place. The Khuvusgul

ocean also very clean, nise all good things over there. The Khuvusgul ocean

have a big boat, if I visit in Khuvusgul I can sit boat because befor my life I

never sat boat.

Anoter things in Khuvusgul have a lot of kind animuls for example deer. The

deer is very beautiful animuls. The Khuvusgul people used in deer in there life

like winter time used spare deer. The deer is very big animuls. And deer is also

very kind of people.

The Khuvusgul is also have a horse. Horse riding is probably the most popular

outdoor pursuts in Mongolia for Mongolians as will as foreign visitors. There are

more horses in Khuvusgul than there are people. horses tend to be smaller here

than in Europe and techninques to riding are somewhat different. The best

time to go riding is from june to September when the horses have recovered

from the winter.

The khuvusgul have a own traidion and different rwligious. most Mongolia have

a same religious. only in Khuvusgul have a different religious they called Buu

For example the Khuvusgul only used deer in there life. Then there religious

very interesting like there receive the religious. The confidence is very

different than other religious.

I want feeld all this things my heart, because I hear all this things. Now I want

to spend my vacation in KHuvusgul.

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Appendix B-2

Example Essays

Intermediate Proficiency

Helen Keller

Jessica W.

I have ever read Helen Keller. Its very much impression She life is very

educative for give to me. Because, I am normal person, but she is deaf, dumb

or blind. So she does to do everything. She is writing reading or speaks, but I'm

lazy. I don't study or read books. So she life respectable for me. Helen Keller is

one of my hero.

First, Helen Keller born is no problem but One day she strange sick. After she

became deaf, blind. She parent too much like her, but she is grow up. She

doesn't read, writ, speak, they're yes ok. Only worry about her parent.

Second, One day her parent think. She need to teacher. So they found a

teacher. Teacher comes to the house. Teacher name is Anna. She teaches very

hard. First time Helen or Anna was very difficult time. All conversation is hand

and hand, but finally she understands. She like read books.

Third, a few time ages. She want to go a collage first time teacher Anna is

worry abut, but she decide go to collage teacher together go to school. Helen

very hard study finally she get to the graduation very good score. She doesn't

just study. She continues has to lecture again and write books. She always

tries.

In conclusion, I like this story. She always tries everything. I hope so all the

time remember I'm wake up my mind.

Compare and contrast the different between having fun alone and having

fun with a group of friends

Tim C.

Somebody like having fun alone and the other people likes having fun with

friends together. Every one has different life styles, but every one uses their

comfortable styles for their lives.

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Those who like having fun by themselves, they don’t have to care about other

people’s ideas, really enjoy themselves by being alone. For example; I have a

friend, He always having fun alone. He like to watch movie and go shopping

alone. When I ask him “why do you won’t to watch movie and go shopping with

friends?” He said: “because I felt free if just only me did those.” And those

who have fun alone, they interests in computer, they don’t need to find out

fun thing with other people. But they are happy too. Some computer engineers

are like this kind of people. So some people who like having fun alone, they

always can find good reason for by themselves.

Those who like having fun with a group of friends. They need care about other

people’s feelings. They most talk to their friends about their ideas and

feelings. But they can have fun with other people together. They may to watch

TV and movie, BBQ and play baseball together. They share their successful and

fails’ experiences with a group of friends. For my case, I like having fun with

my friends. When I cooking, I like share to my friends. Because when I share my

cooked with my friends I felt that my cooked was more delouse than just only I

had. I felt that I had successful.

A person having fun alone and a person having fun with a group of friends are

different. But they have some things in commons. Such they can find out

delights from himself or his friends. They can let off their emotions with their

own ways. They know how to have fun, even he is the one having fun along or

having fun with a group of friends.

If you like playing basketball, just do it with your friends. Don’t care about you

will win or lose, if you win, that fine. But if you lose, that ok, because you had

excise, you got funs too. If you don’t like having fun with each other, no

problem, you can play billiard with you own, you can find out fun too. Even

every one are different, just be yourself, maybe you’re a person “having fun

alone”, and maybe you’re the person “having fun with a group of friends”. Just

be you. Enjoy your life with the most comfortable ways you think. You will

find relax and fun for you.

About personality (first draft)

Naoko T.

If I decide my husband, I think his personality is very important. Of course I

may feel my heart beating from cool appearance. But he is not good

appearance, his smile could make me smile. His personality would give me a

lot of valuable things.

The first thing is that his kind personality would give me courage. If he is

thoughtful me, I may have confidence in my ability. And we will influence on

one another by we are together. Therefore we might work harder than we have

power. I think these actions are very good for each other.

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The second thing is that we can make snug family. If he likes children and

housework, we will cooperate with him in doing the work. And we are able to

be good adviser for my children education, housework and our life. My parents

are good pair. Of course they are old and their appearance is not good, but my

mother became sick my father took care sweetly to her. And he played my

mother role for my brother and me. Our warm heart make nice family.

The third reason is that we could enjoy talking. If we have same sense of value,

we discuss long time about varied things and we would know much information.

We will not have same opinion, we can improve each other. So our heart and

idea can always develop.

Good personality will bring big happy. It is most important for my life. If I have

a lot of money and good appearance, I may feel lonely. Thoughtful heart, nice

family and enjoy talking are going to be very warm keep on my aim. So I think

all the world of personality.

About personality (second draft)

Naoko T.

When I talk good personality person, I can get good feeling and follow her good

thing. And I can get nice personality. If I decide my husband, I think his

personality is very important. Of course I may feel my heart beating from cool

appearance. But he is not good appearance, his smile could make me smile. His

personality would give me a lot of valuable things. And our personality can

change our appearance.

The first thing is that his kind personality would give me courage. If he is

thoughtful me, I may have confidence in my ability. For example my friend

was not good cooker. But every time her husband said “ Your foods are very

delicious”. So she became like cooking, then she worked hard to cook better

and she thought about nutrition. Now she is good at cooking and her husband is

more content. We will influence on one another by we are together. Therefore

we might work harder than we have power. I think these actions are very good

for each other.

The second thing is that we can make snug family. If he likes children and

housework, we will cooperate with him in doing the work. And we are able to

be good adviser for my children education, housework and our life. For

example my parents are good pair. Of course they are old and their appearance

is not good, but my mother became sick my father took care sweetly to her.

And he played my mother role for my brother and me. Our warm heart make

nice family.

171

The third reason is that we could enjoy talking. If we have same sense of value,

we discuss long time about varied things and we would know much information.

We will not have same opinion, we can improve each other. For example when

my mother worried about my selfish action she talked my father. He trusted

me, so he said “ Naoko is already a adult. We have to believe her.” She could

calm down. And I saw their attitude I changed my mind. I thought that I have

to have responsibility. I think our heart and idea can always develop by we

have good choice.

Good personality will bring big happy. It is most important for my life. If I have

a lot of money and good appearance, I may feel lonely. Thoughtful heart, nice

family and enjoy talking are going to make heaven. And I keep on my aim. So I

think all the world of personality.

Pets

Pablo A.

If I want an unusual pet, I could choose between snake, goat, or monkey, I'll

choose a monkey.

There are a lot of reasons that I prefer this animal in my home share with me

and my family. First, those animals are no dangerous or wild, so it is good to

have at home, even do, sometimes they are angry and could attack somebody.

secondly, I like the way that they look like, they are pretty and cute animals

and you can't play with them and a lot of things that you can do it. finally, the

monkeys are really similar to the human people so you can feel something o

maybe have one monkey like a good friend. I like this kind of animals and

maybe I’ll like to have one at home but I don't like pets to take care in my

home so I am ok right now.

The snakes are not pets. I think that is a really dangerous animal to have at

home. snakes have a wild and ugly appearance and they are so bad to take

them care. we don't know to much about snakes, so it means that maybe you'll

have some problem with those kinds of animals in your home. I think that

nobody or really rarely families have a snakes at home but it is not a good idea

so don't try to have one at home even do if you know about them.

Finally, goats are so bored animals for me. they don't have anything that you

can laugh or feel. they just produce milk and a lot of things but if it is a pet,

you don't need the things that they produce, so I think that it is not a good

animal to have at home, and also it is so big and sometimes makes noise at

night and I don't like to somebody interrupt me dreams so I don't want to have

those kinds of animals.

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Against Korea company culture

Min Ho J.

After graduated school, There was a meeting for the company's development. I

was surprised that no staff expressed his opinion, and many Korean spend a lots

of time for their work from nine a.m to seven p.m, sometimes to nine p.m. I

felt that Korea company culture should have opportunities to allow people to

give opinion and shorter work time.

Korean employees should have more chances to give opinion. Korea company

has been so much controlled by one owner or one boss. It is called' Authority'.

That vertical organization doesn't produce any originality. For example, When I

was working in the company in Korea, a German partner's staff came to the

Korea for the contract. Boss, manager and the staff got on the elevator for the

lunch. Many Korean employees were waiting and standing for the elevator.

However, they didn't get on the elevator, even though there were many rooms

in the elevator. It was said that German staff saw that scene for the first time

though he traveled many nations. Employees are waiting for the sign of the

boss. They don't set their opinion forth.

Korean employees should work shorter than they do now. Many Korean work

late at night. They work to Saturday. It is said that their healthy was hurt with

their fatigue. Korean father is always tired and wants to sleep every Sunday.

There isn't family activity. The company claims employees to develop their

ability. If they didn't develop their capacity, they would be given to the

discharge. Nevertheless, they have no time to develop themselves. For

example, my many friends work to eight or nine p.m. They are busy in sleeping

in the Sunday. They say that they are able to understand now that their father

didn't move around and play well with us every Sunday. They should take a rest

for their growth.

In conclusion, if Korean company wants to develop, the two items mentioned

should be changed. The company will have to make the environment for

employee to get a better opinion from the other side. If so, employee will

attend in the development of the company voluntarily. Fatigue is also

important to lessen for a good outcome. The company's maintenance depends

on employee's voluntary participation and not-fatigue leaded to a long time

labor. I am sure.

My dream

Tatyana H.

I came to America from a little country called Bulgaria. I am a child of divorced

parents and because of that my mother had to work hard. I spent a lot of my

time with her. I grew up in the local movie theater were she worked.

173

My American dream started after seeing a lot of movies about this. I saw how

movie directors showed their dreams to us. My dream was different a dream

about a poor ordinary girl. I often dream about freedom. The same freedom I

saw in American movies I was in communist system, freedom was something

inacessible. At this time I couldn't express my opinion, this system forced the

people to have the same opinion like there teachings. It is hard to live without

the opportunity to be yourself, to have dreams, ambitions and hopes to express

this through the your point of view. I didn't like to live under a dictatorship of

incompetent leaders. Now I am here in the place were all dreams can be real,

where people aren't scared to express their pinions and are free to control

their life.

In America all the people dream about a good education. The system of

learning here is very different from my country. Here students go to University

because they expect to have a good education and job. Now I have the

opportunity to learn English in BYU language center and here I have a chance

to learn my 3 rd language and also to be prepared in the best way to study in

a University. This is the most perfect part of American dream that everyone

can receive a good education.

I arrived in the United States to get a good education. In my life I have only one

big dream it is one day to pursue a movie profession. Here I can see how

American dreams come true. Lots of hard work and education are the key to

success. When I was at home people often told me that I am a dreamer and

dream about impossible things, but here I can see how every impossible dream

can be real. I still dream about how I can return to my little Bulgaria with a

good education and make a movie about the American dream and help people

to understand that this dream can work. Everyone can construct his national

dream. I would like to share one quotation from Selma Hayes: "I also think that

many times we dream somebody else's dream not our own. You know it is not

your own when you don't enjoy the process of working toward it. If you dream

something because you think that if you achieve it you are going to be more

loved or you are going to be accepter or people are going to respect you."

D. Enkhee

Some people talk that television has destroyed communication among friends

and family. I’m disagree with this opinion.

Our television satellite has 30 sometimes more channels in Mongolia. Out

family like to watch together a movie. This movie has many series. It shows

about a family. This family has seven children. This movie shows about

relationship between parents and children and their friends. This movie shows

on every weekend. We eagerly wait it, talk about it. It helps us to

communicate more and to be together more.

174

Sometimes we watch different channels. For example, I like to watch Russian

channels and Discovery. Russian channels program about traveling is very

interesting. Other members of the family can’t watch it. In this case, I talk to

them while we are in lunch or dinner. It is a chance to communicate family

members or friends.

I think TV helps to people to communicate with family and friends. Because TV

programs have informational and educational value. So TV programs are one

topic our conversation.

THE BEAVERS

Kei E.

Introduction

I will tell about a kind of animal. Their name is Beaver. Have you ever

seen Beavers? I had watched only on TV and pictures. Last week, I went to

Bean Museum. And, when I saw Beavers, I wanted to know more about them.

So, I researched about their life style. Now, I will tell about “What is look

like?”, “Where do they live?”, “What do they eat?” and “What are their

interesting facts?”

What is look like?

First, I describe about Beavers. Their size is about 40 inches include

their tail. And, their weight is about 30 to 60 pounds. Their legs, arms and tail

are black. Their fur is very soft, silky and warm. And, that color is brown or

gold. And then, their teeth are so strong, because they cut trees with the

teeth. And, the teeth never stop growing. And, the teeth work like our

fingernails. Finally, I describe about their tail. Their tail is wide and scaly. And,

it looks like a flattened pinecone. The tail has three purposes. First, they can

swim with the tails. And, they control themselves in through water with the

tail. So, they are good swimmers. Second, when they carry a heavy log, they

use their tails for balance their weight. Third, when dangerous come, a Beaver

slaps its tail against the water with a loud sound. When the other Beavers hear

the sound, they dive to the water for safety (Bean Museum, Nature’s Children:

Beavers).

Where do they live?

Next, I will tell you where they live. Beavers live in all over the world.

But, most of them live in Canada and United States. And then, their house is

near the pond. If it has very high banks, they dig a burrow in the side.

Especially, if it has low banks, they built a special house, lodge, in their pond.

Now, I will tell how to make the lodge. First, they make anchoring sticks in the

bottom of the pond. Second, they pile a lot of branches on top of the lodge.

Third, thin mud that they bring hardens the branches. Fourth, they use their

paws or under their chins to carry the mud. Finally, they put the mud on the

side of the lodge, “covering the lodge like syrup on a stack of pancakes

(Nature’s Children: Beavers)”. They seldom put it whole the lodge. So, the top

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of lodge gets very little mud, because it allows a lot of fresh air to get in the

lodge”. So, the mud less roof is very important for Beavers (Nature’s Children:

Beavers).

What do they eat?

And then, I will also tell what they eat. Their favorite foods are water

lily tubers, clover, apples, the leaves and green bark of aspen and fast-growing

trees. In spring and summer, they like to eat juicy scrubs and tree buds. In fall,

they eat more bark than spring and summer and put on fat for the winter. And,

they cut down many trees and nibble them into small pieces. They save them

in the piles that are in under the water near their lodge for winter. In winter,

sometimes, the pond may freeze. So, they can’t to swim to the piles. If there is

no food in the piles, they eat their lodge, because it is made of branches

(Nature’s Children: Beavers, The Beaver).

What are their interesting facts?

Finally, I will tell what their interesting facts are. In the wintertime, it is

very important that keeping warm and dry for the Beavers. For that, their fur is

very warm as I said in paragraph 2. I will tell why their fur is so warm. Their fur

has two layers. Outside layer is long shiny “guard” hair. Inside layer is thick,

woolly and short. The fur takes care of Beaver. Therefore, all Beavers have a

pair of glands near their tails. And, it makes special oil. They spread the oil

through their fur with their paws. For the oil, their body keeps dry and warm

even after an hour of swimming. In other words, they have water proofed fur

(Nature’s Children: Beavers).

Conclusion

In conclusion, their looks are small and cute. And, they have strong

teeth and special fur. And then, they live in their lodge near the pond. And,

they eat juicy scrubs, tree buds and barks. And, their special fur protects

them. I think that you could understand about Beavers than before. If you can,

please try to see real Beavers. I think you may be to love them.

Bibliography

The Beaver. http://www.beavers.org/beaver.html

Nature’s Children: Beaver by Elin Kelsey in 1986

Bean Museum. BYU, Provo, UT.

The Wizard of Oz

Takuya I.

Oz is dream world, and also these characters are imaginary things except

Dorothy. this story included some real things, especially their mental things.

When Dorothy met these characters they had already had pure mind which they

want. For example, when Dorothy met Scarecrow, he took her basket so that

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she did not feel tired. Then he had good brain. Another example, when Dorothy

met Tin Woodman, he still loved pretty Munchkin girl. Then he had already had

pure heart which can love someone. Another example, during they were going

to Oz, the Lion helped his company many times, and he was not afraid of it. So

they just did not know themselves. And they 'r give up to get own dream. So

finally, they can get it.

As say about Dorothy, she is one of the normal American girl, like symbol of

America. So she is not imaginary character. And also she never gives up to get

her dream as go back to Kansas. Finally, she got her dream. In other side, great

Wizard Oz was normal human, but he has confidence myself, so he could be

great Oz. And people who do not have confidence believed it. For example,

they regarded Emerald city as everything is green completely, but in the true it

was not.

In conclusion, this story makes us think about ourselves. If we had confidence

myself, our life would change better. In fact, their life was changed when Oz

gave each character something. So their dreams came true. This story is almost

real story.

Using cell phones while driving

Choon Gu B.

Cell-phones are one of the hot items nowadays. It gives us wonderful

communication opportunities with each other. It is very convenient, but there

is something we must not neglect. That is the use of cell-phones during driving.

It caused of a lot of car accidents. To protect car collisions, we must not use

the cell-phone while driving. Rather we must have headsets in the car.

Personally, I have seen a lot of car accidents, Caused by cell-phone use during

driving. One day, I was driving on university Avenue, and a car was turning

right. The driver was on cell-phone. A few moments later, I heard crash sound.

Once more I committed to myself, “Not to use cell-phone during driving.” We

should set a law which would require the use of a headset in the car. I am sure

it would prevent more accidents.

Communication is very important to each other. But human life is most

precious. Using cell-phones during driving is as dangerous as drunken driving. It

is hard to concentration during driving. Dear BYU students, you are all

ambitious and precious. Now I urge you, let us not use cell-phones while

driving. If it’s really necessary, install the headset. Let’s press our congressman

to ban the use of cell-phones. Let’s make our communities better.

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Appendix B-3

Example Essays

Advanced Proficiency

Provo busses are inconvenient

Chan Young J.

Provo has one of the biggest University campuses and student populations per

capita in the U.S.A. Every day this city is busy because of students. And now, I

want to talk about problems of public transportation systems in Provo. Many

people are having problems because of it.

[When I go to the B.Y.U library, I usually walk there. Although there is a bus

which goes there, I don’t use the bus, because it might take the same amount

of time or longer to get there. We spend a lot of time waiting for a bus. I think

many students think like that and don’t want to spent time at the bus stop. We

need more buses. If there were many buses, we wouldn’t need to wait for a

long time to ride a bus.

When you want to ride the bus, you have to check the bus schedules. If you

have the schedule list or can use the internet, it is fine. But if you are outside

and you don’t have a list, it is very difficult to find information. Bus sign

systems on the street need more information, such as maps of the bus routes

and how far away the next bus is. It makes it more easy and comfortable to use

the bus system at anytime and anywhere.

Most people who live in Provo are students and they might not be rich. A good

bus system can help these students to enjoy the cheap and comfortable life in

Provo during their studying. It might be hard right now because of financial

difficulties, but we can make the first step for better bus systems and better

student lives in this city.

Free music file sharing should be OK

Memo R.

Lately, the industry of music is really mad with the programs that are working

in internet giving free music to the users. There are many programs that give

this kind of service but one of the most popular at this moment in USA is Kazaa.

Kazaa is a free program which users can get from internet gratuitously (free)

and it’s easy to use.

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The industry of music is losing a lot of money each year because this new kind

of service, but this industry each year earn too much money from the

costumers, too. Two months ago I was watching MTV and I saw a program about

rock, rap, pop stars (the crib). This program showed the houses and cars, even

the life of all these stars and that make me change my mind about buying

music from stores. All of these artists have really expensive life.

By the way, I totally disagree about the pirate music and that is the good thing

about Kazaa. Kazaa has two forms to give music or files. One of them has a

cost, it means that you need to pay for music or any kind of file and the other

one is free. Kazaa is just like a bridge to the users to interchange files. So, for

this reason the industry of music can not stop Kazaa. So, I don’t think that

Kazaa is giving pirate music because the people who make this service work are

the users.

Finally, there are too many different opinions about this topic but personally I

totally agree with this kind of service. Also, this program gives more than music

because users can find everything; videos, software, etc. Perhaps the principal

idea about all of this is that it is free.

Martin Luther King Jr.

Sanmir L.

“I have a dream” is the phrase that will always remind me of Martin Luther

King Jr., an amazing black man. He was fighting to stop the segregation here in

U.S.A. He did a lot of good actions for the black people. But he never used

violence to fight because he was a pacifist man with good ideals.

One of the things that Martin Luther King fought to eliminate was segregation.

Segregation is when some people discriminate against other people and in this

occasion were the black people; they couldn’t sit together with the white

people, they couldn’t enter through the front doors of the stores or restaurants

and also couldn’t sit in the front seats of the buses. For this reasons Martin

Luther King organized the bus boycott. One day in December 1955, he and the

black people of Montgomery, Al stated the boycott; it consisted that the blacks

didn’t take the bus to protest. The whites got very angry because it could

affected their economy, so they attempted him and he went to jail, then the

white people bombed his house. But he wasn’t scared and he continued with

the movement. Ultimately, the U.S. Supreme Court declares bus segregation

unconstitutional (Davison, 1986; The Seattle Times Company).

Martin Luther King told black people about nonviolence resistance and he said,

“We must meet hate with love” (1986, 63). This means that they could follow

their ideals, but without violence. So he started the nonviolence protest in the

city if Birmingham, Al. He went to this city because segregation of Negroes was

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very strong, but the white people didn’t like this revelation and were very

angry and tried to stop him and his people. In this occasion the blacks got out

to the streets and marched throw the city, but the officials arrested him and

the other people in the protest and throw in jail. After this unsuccessful

protest they were sad, but kept trying with the nonviolence resistance and

several days latter they won and the city authorities heard their demands

(Adler, 1991; Davison, 1986; Scott, 1993).

But how were the U.S. people affected? The people in the country listened

about Martin Luther King and his movement and everybody was excited. Even

John F. Kennedy, a President of U.S.A. was very angry with whites, who

segregate blacks, and he supported and believed in King and his movement, but

the white people from the south didn’t like it. After all King’s dream was

partially completed. Today the black people are free but in some places it still

exists, but it’s less severe than in 1950’s; and can be together with the other

people.

In conclusion, it is important to mention how important was Martin Luther King

Jr. dreams and his effects in the life of U.S. people. He worked hard just for

one reason, to eliminate the horrible segregation of the black people in U.S.A.

Bibliography

Adler, D. (1991). A picture book of Martin Luther King Jr. New York:

Scholastic.

Davison, M. (1986). I have a dream. New York: Scholastic.

Scott, C. (1993). My life with Martin Luther King, Jr. New York: Henry Holt and

Company.

The Seattle Times Company. The life of Martin Luther King Jr. Retrieved

September 29,2003, from The Seattle Times website:

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/mlk/king/biography.html.

Improving ESL reading comprehension

Sandra R.

Some people enjoy reading and some don’t, but regardless what they like we

all need good skills to be able to read understanding what we read without

taking much time. This is especially important if you read in a second language.

ESL students have to faced with this problem some of them make it through

universities, but in most cases they don’t have the knowledge of good reading

skills or at least the basics to completed their schooling. Therefore there are

some ways you can improve your reading skills. The typical question ESL

students ask is: what are some strategies to understand and read faster?

Previewing and predicting are two skills which are important to get started it.

You should read the title and ask what do I know about the title? Then predict

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or make a guess about what is in the book this skills will help you to get some

ideas about what will you read and begin to read more quickly.

Scanning is the next tecnic that help you read even faster and learn to skip

unimportant words in your text by having a question in mind without reading

every word, only the words that answer your question. Basically scanning is

searching for details.

Guessing words you don’t know by trying to understand as much as you can,

when there is a word that you do not know and you think it may be important

for the text, write it down and also write your idea what it probably means,

use the dictionary only if absolutely necessary (Stiefenhofer, 2003).

Is a good idea no to look up information in the dictionary because you could

interrupt your reading and you won’t focus all your thoughts. Besides is a great

exercise to be able to guess every word you do not understand it will increase

your ability.

Using grammar to guess a word, when you come out with a word you do not

know look up the grammar structure of the sentience and decided what it

needs a verb, noun, adjective or a adverb (Mikulecky and Jeffries 1996).and

also see other familiar words that could be relate to the word you are looking

for. This tectict will help you to get a better guess in the meaning of the word

and be able to retained in your mind.

Bibliography

Mikulecky and Jeffries, 1996.

Stiefenhofer, 2003.

Agribusiness marketing: Purpose, functions, and problems

Ben V.

Marketing plays a significant role in Agribusiness. Being this a main part of the

Agribusiness process it is important to define it’s purposes, functions, and

problems. There are two main purposes, three functions, and two problems.

And all of them are important in the marketing process.

Marketing , which is finding out what the consumer wants and then providing it

to them at a profit, has two main purposes. The first is that marketing

functions not only affect the cost of the product, but also the added value of

the product to the consumer, such as space, time, and form utility. The second

is that functions can be performed anywhere in the marketing system,

however, they must find the most efficient marketing channel, or space, for a

product (Hanson, 2003b).

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To make effective these purposes, we have to keep in mind two key points.

That there is a mutual interdependence between production agriculture and

the marketing system, this means that Producers nee a Market and Markets

need Producers; and the Marketing system does involve farm inputs (Hanson,

2003c).

A marketing function, is a mayor specialized activity performed in

accomplishing the marketing process. It can be divided in three types.

Exchange is the first. It is formed by those activities involved in the transfer of

title of goods. It is divided in two. Buying, seeking out the sources of supply,

assembling the products, and performing the activities associated with

purchase; and Selling, the group of all the activities that are sometimes called

merchandizing (Hanson, 2003b).

The second function is Physical. It is formed by those activities that include

handling, movement, and physical changes to the commodity. It is divided in

three. Storage, activity associated with making the product available at the

desired tome; Transportation, concerned with making goods available at the

proper place; and Processing, manufacturing activities that change the basic

form of the product (Hanson, 2003b).

The third function is Facilitating. It is formed by those activities that make

possible the smooth performance of the exchange and physical functions. It is

divided in four. Standardization, the establishment of uniform measurements

of both quality and quantity; Financing, the use of money to carry out the

various aspects of marketing; Risk Bearing, the accepting possibility of a loss in

the marketing of a product; and Market intelligence, the job of collecting,

interpreting, and disseminating data necessary to marketing (Hanson, 2003b).

Although Marketing functions are complex, marketing still have some problems.

The first of them is that being many farmers small producers, it’s hard to

control the final output levels. The second problem is that some farmers still

use old concepts, making difficult the update of their farms. With these old

concepts farmers can’t expand their vision and do an industrialized or

innovated business, that why new concepts have been created, to improve

farming and to make it evolve (Hanson, 2003a). These concepts are :

New Concepts Old Concepts

1. Produce, sell commodities. Produce

differentiated product

2. Agriculture as a way of life Science-based

agriculture

3. Open Markets Specialty markets

4. Family farming Industrialized farming

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5. Tradition Innovation

6. Open Information Closed information

systems

7. National/Regional food competition International food

competition

In Conclusion, Marketing is much more than advertising and selling, it is

involved in all the Agribusiness process, from the initial production to the final

consumption. And with its functions, it makes the process easier and with

better results. Although it has some problems, they are not so difficult to

correct, and they prove that marketing can be applied, with or without

problems, and give good results.

Bibliography

Hanson, R. (2003a). Agricultural Production and Marketing. Retrieved

November 5, 2003, from The University of Nebraska-Lincoln Website:

http://agecon.unl.edu/hanson/aecn225.html.

Hanson, R. (2003b). Analyzing Agricultural and Food markets. Retrieved

November 5, 2003, from The University of Nebraska-Lincoln Website:

http://agecon.unl.edu/hanson/aecn225.html.

Hanson, R. (2003c). Introduction to Agribusiness Marketing. Retrieved

November 5, 2003, from The University of Nebraska-Lincoln Website:

http://agecon.unl.edu/hanson/aecn225.html.

Which is the process to obtain drinkable water in one water treatment

plant?

Mario A.

Water drinkable one of the most important resources for the humanity life. But

is limited, because the humanity has not taken advantage of the natural

resources and as a result of this carelessness, we have lost the opportunity to

have clean water to drink. It’s for this reason that everyday the governments in

all the countries, they should spend large quantities of money in the

construction and maintenance of water treatments plants with the purpose to

provide drinkable water for the population. But which is the process to

obtain water drinkable in one water treatment plant?

The structure in one water treatment plant are: Chemical mixing basin,

Flocculation basin, Settling tank, Rapid sand filter, Disinfections with chlorine,

Clean water storage basin, and the Pump, the plant is illustrate in a cut away

drawing in figure A-1. (see figure A-1). The water utilized for clean with the

objective to clean and convert in drinkable are: of lakes, rivers, and

underground water mainly (Vesilind, 1997; U.S. Department of Labor, 2002).

183

The Coagulation and Flocculation are part of two processes of the plant, the

Chemical mixing basin and Flocculation basin. Both are important to manage to

clean the water. Chemicals such as alum are added to the water and other

components sometimes. The purpose in this part is to clear the water of the

suspended colloidal solids and the coagulation is the chemical alteration of the

colloidal particles to make stick together forming flocs. Once these larger

particles are formed, the next step is removing them using the process of

settling (Vesilind, 1997).

The next step is the Settling. When the flocs are formed, they most be

separated from the water. On this point of the process is required gravity

settling tanks that simply allow the heavier than water particles to settle to

the bottom. The name for all this accumulation of flocs is sludge and it is

removed every few weeks with the help of a mud valve, to drain the sludge out

of the tank. It is illustrated in a cut away drawing in figure A-2 (Vesilind, 1997).

The next step is the filtration. After to pass for the settling tanks, the water it

is filtered for the rapid sand filter. The filter system involves two phases:

filtration and backwashing. The components are sand, gravel; the filter is

illustrated in a cut away drawing in figure A-3. The water from the settling

tank enters the filter and seeps through the sand and gravel, through a false

floor and out into a clear well that stores the finished water (Vesilind, 1997).

The Disinfections with chlorine. Following the filtration the water is disinfected

with chlorine with the purpose to destroy whatever pathogenic organisms. With

this purpose is monitored the quality of the water during all the process but in

special in this part of the process. Because after this point the water is sent to

the clear well for the water distribution (Vesilind, 1997). For example in the

bacteriological measurements it is for being able to measure some serious and

dangerous pathogenic microorganism as the following: salmonella, hepatitis

virus, entamoba hystolica (dysentery), cryptosporidium, etc). In some parts of

Europe it is used ozone, but the must common to disinfect is the chlorine

(Downs, 2003; Downs, 2000).

If the water it approves the permitted standards, it is drinkable. The next step

is send the water to the clear well tank for the distribution to the population.

It is pumped into the distribution system, the pressure changes depending on

the need of the cities (Vesilind, 1997).

In general the process to clean the water at the water treatment plant is easy

to understand, you need 4 principal processes. The Coagulation and

flocculation, the settling, the filtered and the disinfections with chlorine for

finally sent the clear water to the population. This process during this time is

very important to obtain drinkable water, and for this reason the governments

in the entire world they should spent a lot of money with this purpose.

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Bibliography

Downs, W. (2003, 11, 11). Interview. Department of Civil and Environmental

Engineering BYU.

Downs, W. (2000). CE EN 351 Introduction to environmental engineering.

Provo, UT: Brigham Young University.

U.S. Department of Labor. (2002). Water and liquid waste treatment plant.

Retrieved November 5, 2003, from U.S. Department of Labor website:

www.bls.gov/oco/ocos229.htm.

Vesilind, P.A. (1997). Introduction to environmental engineering. Boston, MA:

PWS Publishing Company.

Carlos Salinas: His government of crisis

Sanmir L.

Mexico is a country that had been supporting for seventy-two years the bad

government of people of PRI party. All of our previous presidents hit and

damaged our nation. Carlos Salinas was one of those presidents who walked

over our country. He and his actions took Mexico to one of its biggest crisis.

Carlos Salinas was not a good person, not only stole money, also he was a

killer. Research states, “Kill for passion to power affect all the people”

(Hernandez, 2003). He killed all the people who he did not liked or people who

could cause a problem for him self; a memorable example of this was when he

ordered to kill the candidate for the presidency Luis Colosio, they were in the

same party, but Colosio was a good person, and Salinas was scared that when

Colosio will won the presidency of Mexico he will accused him of all the bad

action that he did (Trueba, 1995).

Carlos Salinas impacted our economy in the wrong way. First, he sell the

national banks of Mexico to the private industry, because he said that the

country need more money and also this could help to push up the economy of

the country; but this was not true, this action only affected our economy

because he stole that money and we lost power of decision on our economy.

Research states, “An intimate relationship exist between politics and crime”

(Hernandez, 2000). Also, he misspent the money of the country; for example,

he gave big bonus to his friends and politicians every year. During his

government a lot of people lost their jobs and a lot of business closed because

the economy was going down for the bad management of Salinas. For all these

actions, our country was in economical crisis (Goicochea, 2003).

During the government of Salinas the polemical NAFTA was created. NAFTA is a

trade agreement to import and export merchandise freely or without problems

between Mexico, U.S. and Canada. This trade was approved in 1993. The

reasons of Salinas to do this trade agreement were: to reduce the immigration

to U.S., to improve the tri-national competitiveness of North America versus

Europe and Asia, and, to profit from the solid economy of U.S. and Canada to

185

complement the Mexican economy. Nerveless, a lot of people did not like it,

and they protested around the country, because they said that this trade only

will benefited big companies, and the poor people will be more affected

(Krauze, 1999).

The government of Salinas had a strong social impact. First of all, during his

government the violence increased because the numbers of unemployed people

were increasing every day, and all these people who lost their jobs to survive

they mugged. Also, the kidnapping was incontrollable, all the families of

Mexico were afraid to be one more on the list on the kidnappers, but the police

did not do anything to control this problem because in Mexico we have

corruption and the kidnappers paid money to the officers to do whatever they

wanted. By the way, Salinas controlled all the news, in that way they only

could say what he wanted to say, because nobody could talk bad of him and his

actions (Hernandez, 2000; Krauze, 1999).

In conclusion, Carlos Salinas was a very intelligent person, who used his

intelligence in the wrong way, just to beneficiate himself. Therefore, his

government destroyed the economy of Mexico, and the country got to have the

economical and social crisis. Now we are getting out of that crisis as a nation

and as people, now we can trust in our new government and the change keep

going.

Bibliography

Goicochea, E. (2003, November 13). Interview. Provo.

Hernández, I. (2000). El clan Salinas. Mexico: Seri.

Krauze, E. (1999). El sexenio de Carlos Salinas. Mexico: Clío.

Trueba, J. (1995). Dinastía: El lado oscuro de los Salinas. Mexico: Roca.

What is the best method to help your child learn more about the language?

(first draft)

Luana B.

Children learn language and speech by listening to the language around them

and practicing what they hear. In this way they figure out the rules of the

language code. It’s not learned all once but in stages over time. Your child, as

an individual, is different from the others; so, it’s better don’t compare his

language abilities with those of someone else. It’s up to you help him improve

such abilities. Therefore, what is the best method to help your child learn more

about the language?

Listen to your child. He has to notice that you give your total attention when

people talk to you and first of all when he talks to you. Make him know that as

you pay attention when he or other people talk as you expect it from him and

people you are talking with. In fact, when you realize that your child is not

186

paying attention when you are saying something important, don’t keep talking,

stop and get him to pay attention. As you do so, try to involve the whole

family. Encourage him to talk in front of a few family members about his own

experiences at school or with his friends, being concerned more on the child’s

message than on the errors he makes. (Hamilton, 2000).

Talk to him about a lot of different things. Share with him some your ideas and

ask him questions. This could help him think deeply about a specific topic and

understand how things work in the world. Encourage him to talk to you about

his ideas, his doubts and answer to all of his questions. He will feel like being

important during your conversations. And everyday, think about new words he

might not know and use them into conversations. It will be so much easier for

him to recognize these new words in textbooks if you have provided him before

good explanations using examples, comparisons with other objects, images.

(Hamilton, 2000; Kid source, 2003).

Read to him everyday even if you think he is too young to understand. If your

child is old enough to be able to read by himself you could choose more

complicating reading materials, trying to clear up concepts that seem to be

new and hard to understand. Sometimes when you are reading a story, stop and

ask him questions, such as: “What do you think is going to happen next?” Or,

“Why in your opinion the character did that?”. Help him recognize what is read

with the reality. For example, if you have read about an animal, you can

remind him that he probably saw that animal on TV or at a zoo. Don’t force

him to read something he doesn’t like but try to find something that he might

be interested in. Don’t mention all of the errors he makes when he reads, this

might embarrass him and make him scared to read. Doing thin you will make

reading enjoyable. ( Bartlova, 2003; Hamilton, 2000).

Encourage him to write. Let him see every time you write emails and letters.

When he has an assignment, give him suggestions and answer to all of his

questions. This can help him organize his ideas and’ when he wants you to

correct what he has written, before you have to give compliments and then

correct his capitalization and punctuation errors, just point your attention on

things he has done well. Ask him to write, for example a little note at the end

of a letter to a relative. And also you could provide him with colored papers

and funny pictures to write on. (Bartlova, 2003; Hamilton, 2000).

Listen to your child. Talk to him and encourage him to talk. Read to him.

Children’s linguistic ability depends on you, parents. You just have to take time

to do everything possible to follow your child in his language development.

Bibliography

Bartlova, 2003.

Hamilton, 2002.

Kid Source, 2003.

187

What is the best method to help your child learn more about the language?

(final draft)

Luana B.

Children learn language and speech by listening to the language around them

and practicing what they hear. In this way they figure out the rules of the

language code. It’s not learned all once but in stages over time. Your child, as

an individual, is different from the others; therefore, it’s better not to

compare his language abilities with those of someone else. It’s up to you help

him improve such abilities. Therefore, what is the best method to help your

child learn more about the language?

First, encourage him to talk to you about his ideas and his doubts. Children like

to be at the center of all of the attentions, and he notices if you give your total

attention when people talk to you and first of all when he talks to you. If you

pay attention to what he is going to say, he will feel like being important.

Consequently he will want to talk especially in front of a few family members

about his own experiences at school or with his friends (Hamilton, 2000).

Talk to him about a lot of different things. Share with him some your ideas and

ask him questions. This could help him think deeply about a specific topic and

understand how things work in the world. And everyday, think about new words

he might not know and use them into conversations. It will be so much easier

for him to recognize these new words in textbooks if you have provided him

before good explanations using examples, comparisons with other objects,

image (Hamilton, 2000; Kid source, 2003).